Kryptonite
by Sasha B
Summary: *RE-UPLOAD* If you would have told Santana Lopez a week ago she'd be Rachel Berry's new protector and dare she say it "friend", she'd have knocked your front teeth out. Turns out, girls crying is kinda Santana's evil alter ego "Snix's" kryptonite... even if that girl is none other than Rachel man-hands Berry. Eventual Pezberry .. Quinntana friendship ..some mentions of Brittana
1. Prologue

**Written for a prompt that was sent to my tumblr for Pezberry week. Here you go Casey! Really short Prologe to get it started. This starts in Rachels POV but it will switch to mostly Santana's throughout.**

**Story was deleted ... not sure how/why but thanks for everyone that reviewed first time around! I'm sorry they're all lost! :(**

**I don't own Glee...and some mentions of attempted rape but no real details..if this is a trigger for you..don't read! **

**Reviews/suggestions..etc welcome.**

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PROLOGE

What the hell was she thinking? Going to a ridiculous high school party where clearly she didn't belong. Besides, the only other time she'd attended one of these stupid thingsthat _aweful thing _she still couldn't speak of happened. "Why can't I be like every other normal freaking teenager and be able to drink my problems away!" she half sobbed to herself sliding down the wall in the bathroom.

All it was doing was causing her to remember in horrible vivid detail what had happened to her a week ago. She was jolted into reality hearing pouding on the door.

"Oh God oh God not again" she started to rock back and forth. "This can't be happening."

"Listen up whoevers in there you gots about 1 minute to get your ass out."

Rachel let her head fall back against the wall. _Santana. _"Seriously God? Do I not look beaten down enough to you that you have to send in Satan to finish me off?" she pleaded towards the ceiling.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down so she didn't sound like she had been crying, she answered: "I'll be out in one sec please hold your horses Satan...uh...Santana" she quickly corrected cringing. She silently plead again, that the firely latina hadn't heard her slip up.

Peeling her sore body off the cold tile floor she swiped at her eyes before glancing in the mirror. She looked like complete shit and her eyes were puffy and red_. Damnit. _She turned on the cold water and splashed herself. Didn't help. _Oh well, she's just gonna look right through me anyway. _Opening the door she made sure to avoid eye contact with the raven haired bitch on the other side as she went to walk past. Santana strided in purposfully banging into the shoulder Rachel'd just had painfully reset two days ago after being dislocated. Unable to stop them, fresh tears flooded her eyes from the shock of pain as she let out a painful yell. Gingerly holding her arm she tried to prie her eyes open so she could get out of there before Santana noticed.

"Woah there Berry get back here."

Rachel ignored her and slowly made her way over the threshold praying to God she'd just let her go. She felt a tug on the back of her skirt causing a wave of painic to rip through her which came out as in a strangled cry. "No please..please don't do this to me again please". Santanas eyes widened hearing the fear in Rachels voice. Jesus she was a bitch for reals but not enough to illicit this type of reaction from her. Besides, Rachel was always ready and willing to throw it back at her a 100% which she secretly enjoyed and yes even made her admire her just a tiny bit. But this ...this broken sounding creature before her ...this was not Berry. She was determined now to find out what the hell had happened to the obnoxious diva. She yanked again harder this time on her skirt not wanting to try pulling on the other arm in case that was injured as well. Rachels body came flying backwards into the bathroom and into Santanas chest. The latina wrapped an arm tightly around the smaller brunettes waist while she reached the other around to slam the door shut.

As Santana turned the lock Rachel let out a broken sob. This time it was Santana who tensed up. There was only one thing that could render her vicious alter ego Snix completely powerless. When a girl cried it was like fucking krypotnite.


	2. Chapter 1

**SANTANA'S POV**

"Calm down there drama queen" I snap on instinct feeling Rachels body flinch at the loud bang of the door. I can barely get the words out of my mouth because I can feel her starting to cry in my arms. Then like a gift from heaven above she stops but my joy is short lived when I hear the drastic change in her breathing

Rachel starts to sound like Zizes doing coach's wind sprints. Holy sweet christ she's going to have a panic attack. I move quickly to stand beside the hyperventilating diva ignoring the pain of my full bladder.

"Berry listen to me, you need to take some deep breaths for me." I'm not sure if she heard me or if she's flat out ignoring me. I swallow the bubble of rage I feel at the thought of that. "Rachel listen to Satan" I start to rub up and down her back to calm her down. I'm not sure if it was the use of the girls real name or the fact I let it be known I'd heard her Satan slip up a few moments ago, but Rachels eyes glanced sideways at me as she nodded her head.

"Good girl, come on... in and out... in ...and out. There you go." I finished as I heard her breaths start to even out. She turned suddenly to face me causing my hand to fall off her back.

"What...what are you doing?"

"Whats it look like? I can't have you passing out and ruining my evening"

What **was** that? Hurt flash in her eyes? Oh no please God don't let the midget start crying. If there was one thing I'm a complete sucker for ...it when girls cry. The maternal reaction it springs in me I'm horrified to report is not specific to the girl doing the crying either...unfortunately. Ugh for all that is Holy please tell me those are not tears in her eyes. And then as my hearts swelling with all these emotions she has to go and take a cheap shot at me. This is why Santana doesn't do this shit. The roller coaster ride of one second their crying...then suddenly their angry and yelling at me..then crying again...makes my head hurt and my stomach do flips...and not in a good way. Fucking women. It appears Berry's landed in the "angry" stage of this wild ride. Oh goodie.

"Just say it Santana! Get it out of your system then let me go" she shrieks at me. Of all the nerve. I'm telling you if her voice hadn't cracked on that last word I'd have opened up the door and shoved her dramatic ass out. She must know she's playing a dangerous game here because before I can decide which answer to go with she shrinks back leaning against the wall and I hear her breathing get ragged again.

"Okay calm down before you start hyperventilating, again. For the record and because there are no witnesses to hear me say this, I wasn't going to say anything nasty to you Berry, but if I were you I'd stop pushing my buttons...like now. Stop cowering like I'm gonna hurt you, I'm not. Sure I gave ya a gentle not so friendly nudge on your shoulder for keeping me waiting when I gots to pee but I woudln't have done that had I known you were injured. Now back to the injury part...what the fuck happened to you?" I asked as my eyes moved down to see her still gingerly holding her arm. "Rachel look at me." Her head shoots up so fast I'm waiting to hear a snap. I've called her by her first name twice ever, and both times happen to be within the past ten minutes. I'm sure she's beginning to wonder if someone slipped me something in my drink or if she's in the middle of a dream; but, no this is all becasue of those fucking tears I can see she's fighting to keep from spilling over her puffy eyelids. I'm tellin you the do something weird to me it's like my fucking Kryptonite. "What happened to your arm?" I try again rephrasing to only ask about her arm. Baby steps.

"Why do you care?" she huffs.

And here we've come full circle again and her attitude's resurfaced. I decide to do something uncharacteristic and swallow the urge to show her some of my own attitude because I know sure as shit any second those damn eyes will be glistening again. "Like it or not we're teamates. If someone hurts you I'm obligated to beat the shit out of them. Got it? Now tell Auntie Snix what happened please." Rachel seemed to be thinking this over. I lean back against the sink a few feet from where she's pressed against the wall crossing my arms with increasing inpatience waiting for a responce. Just as I see her mouth open to answer me someone pounds on the door loudly causing both of us to jump.

"Open the fucking door or I'll break it down. I gotta pee maaaan." I just finish an eye roll upon hearing Karofskys booming voice when suddenly it feels like I've been hit by a small bus. Rachel has launched herself into my arms burrying her head into the crook of my neck.

"Holy shit girl" I stop suddenly when I feel her breath tickling my neck.

"Please, please Santana don't let him hurt me. I'll..i'll do anything...please please anything San just ..i can't survive this agian."

"Shhh, hey you're okay. Santana's here nobody's going to hurt you, that oaf isn't going to actually break down the ...holds the phone...you can't survive _what_ again?" I feel her start to shake in my arms as she starts to sob. _God damnit. _"You needs to calm down Berry, this is not a good place for a break down."

"Can't. Stop."

"Yes you can mama, lets pretend..umm... we're acting in a play, k? Cut! Crying scene over for now, were moving onto when Santana takes you home where you tell auntie Snix all about what happened to you then you can cry. And get this, I'll even hold you and take care of you cause..well because something not many people know about me is i'm a big fat sucker when girls cry. I can't ...I can't handle it... Rach please honey you got to stop crying right now so we can go." Alright thats like two terms of endearment that have rolled off my tounge in the last twenty seconds..towards Rachel fucking Berry of all people. Get a grip Santana! In a ridiculous attempt to save some face I add, "If you tell anyone any of this I will end you..you get that right?" I pull back to hold the broken girl at arms length so I can look her in the eyes. I feel my lips frown of their own accord upon seeing the state of the normally strong diva.

"Jesus christ girl what happened to you?" I ask searching her eyes.

Karofsky bangs at the door again and all the progress I had_ just _made getting her to almost be able to hold back the tears goes to hell in a handbasket. As if no time had passed she's back in my arms crying for me to protect her. Suddenly it was like the lightbulb went on in my head. Yeah yeah took me a while but give me a break, all these emotions are fogging up my head.

"Holy Mary mother of God! Rachel Berry is it Karofsky? Did he do this to you? What did he do? I'm gonna kill him!" I growl not needing to hear the diva confirm anything. I move to pull out of Rachels grasp but apparently Berry's not having it as I feel her grip get so tight around me she damn near deprives me of oxygen. "Holy hell midget you're freakishly strong. Baby girl you gotta let go and let auntie Snix free." I try to squirm free.

"Please. Please don't leave me! He's stronger than you..and he'll ...no please!" she cried.

I try to take a few calming breaths but I can feel the rage still pumping through me. "Rachel I don't think I can walk past him now without doing some serious damage."

Rachel pulled back looking helplessly into my eyes. "I didn't even tell you what happened yet. I don't even know if I will..I just wanna go home. Were you serious before?" she asks in a quiet voice I don't recognize.

"About what baby girl I said alota things tonight"

"Would you take me outta here and not drop me off at a crack den or a dark corner somewhere?" I whince at the scared sound that comes out of her mouth.

"God, I'm not heartless Rach, not all the time at least, k? I told you something funky happens when girls cry. And besides I may be nasty but this is way beyond some teasing you're holding your arm, sobbing to someone you hate and pratically shaking with fear. You're not gonna be as much fun to tease if you're broken and you can't fire them back at me." I say trying to get her to smile.

"I don't hate you." she says so quietly I wonder if that was just in my head.

"What?"

"You heard me. I don't hate you Santana"

"Well, I don't hate you either, midget. Now chin up. Hold onto my hand and don't you let you do you hear me? I'm going first past this dead jock walkin', k? So you stay behind me." She nods wiping away the tears on her face and lets me take her hand.

I take one last deep breath closing my eyes momentarily trying to keep Snix at bay. Alright I can do this. I can walk passed Dave and not gut him like a fish and I also can walk out of this party hand in hand with the midget. I yank the door open to reveal a completely plastered Karofsky. His discusting mouth shifts into an evil snear when I see his eyes fix on Rachel. I send up a silent prayer that the girls looking at her feet or anywhere but Dave or else theres no fucking way I'm gonna get out here without her sobbing. Snix takes control for a brief moment as I reach back with my free arm and land a deadly blow to his groin. "Don't you fucking look at her you son of a bitch or I'll slit your throat with my razor blades do you hear me?"

He nods as he falls to the floor tears in his eyes and hands to his manhood. I feel Rachel crash into my side, both hands clinging to my left arm.

"Come on let's bounce." I say prying my arm out of her deadly grip. Before she can think I did that out of embarrasment I quickly throw an arm around her shoulders pulling her tight into my side and lead her through the maze of people. Shocked faces look up and quickly people move out of my way like Moses and the Red Sea. Good to see I'm still feared even with little Berry on my arm.

I lead her out to my Range Rover and even open the door for her before walking around and climbing into the drivers side. "Thank you." she mutters as she put her seatbelt on.

"Don't mention it."

"Are you okay to drive?" she asks suddenly paniced.

I can't help but smile. "I had two wine coolers. I have cheer practice at sunrise I'll be puking all morning without a hangover. No way i'm gonna make it worse being hungover."

"Oh. If you need to go home to bed I'll be fine" she says sounding a little more broken. She looks down when she feels my hand on her bare thigh.

"Stop it. If I didn't want to be here with you, you have to know by now I wouldn't be. And i swear on my Cheerios uniform this is not some evil scheme, okay? Like I said something really horrible has happened to you. I don't know what yet but I want to. This goes way behond the hurtful banter we usually engage in, this is serious and Santana is not down for this type of bullying. Not the kind that destroys lives and breaks souls. Okay? Thats the last time I wanna hear anything like that come outta your little mouth. Shit sorry" I add quickly yanking my hand off her thigh when I feel her leg trembling slightly.

"It's..okay..i'm sorry"

"Shut up." Rachel looks up surprised. "Shut up ...as in stop apologizing. Add that to the list too of things that are not allowed to come outta your mouth, got it?" Rachel nodded.

"Santana?"

"yep?" I say turning the car on and pulling out onto the street.

"I...nevermind"

"Spill it"

"I don't want to go back to my house."

"Well thats good or else you'd probally think I was kidnapping you"

"Huh?" she asks confused.

"I wasn't planning on taking you to your house, silly. I told you I gots practice at sunrise and my uniforms at my house. You're staying with me tonight."

"Santana are you su.."

"Shut it before you break a rule berry." She nodds turning her head to lean against the cool glass of the window and closes her eyes for the remainder of the ride back to my house. Fucking girls and their crying! If you'd told me at the begininng of the night I'd be driving Berry back to my place I'd have broken your face.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Pulling into my drive way I hear the small girl in the passenger seat let out a gasp. "We are most certainly NOT in lima heights adjacent, Santana!" I have to give myself a serious pep talk out of reaching across and backhanding her for talking to me in that tone. Down Snix. Gasping again much quieter this time I hear panic in her voice. "Where...where did you take me? I should have known you'd never let me come to your house!" I shut the car off before rolling my eyes in her direction.

What? My eyes tend to roll of their own accord, okay? I am still Santana Lopez after all. Even this rollercoaster of emotions can't turn me all sunshine and butterflies. And seriously she's being ridiculous. Where does she think I took her? To some evil haunted mansion? Puh-lease I gots Cheerios practice at the break of dawn and the clocks a tickin'. I sit patiently waiting for her to catch on that we are in fact at my house. "Oh ...uhm...so you don't live in Lima Heights after all?" I narrow my eyes further and let a huff of annoyance slip out. So much for brainiac Berry. "I...uh...oh but I'll never tell anyone otherwise."

I smile widely at her response. "Good girl. Now lets go" Don't think I didn't see her whince in pain as she moved to climb outta my awesome ride. I choose to bite my tounge for now. Yes, even I have some control over what comes outta my mouth sometimes. Just don't like anyone knowing that. Makes it a little easier saying the insults just fly out of their own accord.

Stepping inside my large bedroom I hear a faint vibrating sound and dig through my purse to find the source. My heart jumps to my throat seeing "Brit" flash on my screen. "Berry make yourself comfortable..bathrooms that door over there...Hey Brit Brit:" I coo into my phone.

"San where are you? Did you get lost on your way to the bathroom? I know it can be confusing I do it all the time. I'm ready to go home now though."

Shit shit shit shit! "I'm already home Brits don't you remember we..uh have an early practice tomorrow morning we need real sleep tonight." I say thinking quickly.

"I remember, S but I thought you were giving me a ride back to your house still? Did I get confused again?"

"Honey, that was on Friday. Don't you remember telling me you were hitching a ride tonight, Sunday, with Lord tubbington?" Sometimes i surprise myself how fast i come up with this shit.

"I did? Uh Oh then I have some bad news...I thought I told you? Het got his driving privilages suspended from the DUI." she says completely serious.

I shake my head in disbelief. "Oh honey well you must have gotten confused then cause you def never told me that. I would have remembered that. Listen Brit Brit I'm already back at my house can you catch a ride with tubber...uh I mean Quinn?"

"Yeah I'm really sorry I got confused again, S and next time be sure to show me the secret tunnel from Pucks bathroom to your house." Alright I love her but seriously what the hell is she going on about? "So, no sweet lady kisses tonight?" I can hear her pouting on the other line. Damn it. Seriously, there's gotta be rehab for this girls crying shit. I have never ever forgotten about a booty call...or about Brits for that matter. This is getting outta control. I mean, instead of making sweet lady love right now, **Berry's **perched on my California King instead. What. The. Hell.

I close my eyes trying to lower my blood pressure after hanging up with Britts. The sound of her strangled voice causes my eyes to snap open "I'm sorry, Santana." They quickly focus in on the smaller brunette, tears welling up in her puffy eyes "Call her back I can find my way out" she whispered keeping her head down and making her way to the door. My eyes widen I needs to know what happened to her and I needs to know now. And p.s. the next time I see karofsky he's getting karate chopped in the throat and thats just for starters. Hearing the sound of my door opening snaps me out of my Steven King style fantasy.

"Stop." I say unsure of what else to say. I don't blame her for thinking I don't want her here. I myself am still not 100% sure I haven't been drugged. She doesn't look up at me so I gently tug on her arm to turn her around to face me causing her to hiss in pain. "Shit Rach I'm sorry I forgot," I say gently reaching up to ghost my fingers over her shoulder needing to ease the pain I caused her. As the pads of my fingers move from her smooth skin of her neck to where her shirt begins it catchs slightly dragging the fabic over to reveal a nasty deep burple bruise. The breath hitches in my throat and I'm vaugly aware of the fact she's started trembling. She's prevented the floodgates from bursting so far tonight but I can see she's not going to be able to for much longer and good thing too cause she needs release... like bad.

"Hey look at me." I say gently tipping her chin up. "I'm gonna see Britts in the morning. Like I've said before I want you to be here Berry or you wouldn't be. You look like your going to shatter into pieces and I don't know why but I wanna be here for you when you do. I know...I'm asking a lot but I'm gonna need you to trust me here. You've gotta let me in Midg...uh..Rachel let me in I promise you I'll help you through whatever this is." She takes a few minutes to process what I say staring directly in my eyes now I pray she can see I'm legit. Which I totally am. Seriously.

I reach my thumb up tugging her bottom lip out from her teeth as she asks "Why?" Good question.

"Cause I kind of miss the loud mouth hobit. I mean who am I gonna make fun of all day?" She **almost** smiles. "Do you think you can tell me what happened yet or do you need to cry it out a little first?"

"I...I...I..."

"Cry it out, got it. Ok first let's get u outta ur asian school girl uniform." I see the faint hint of a smirk ghost her puffy red lips and my heart flutters with relief. I have no control over what happens next as I reach out and pull her tightly to me. I don't hold on for more than a few seconds as I know she's so close to releasing a tidal wave of tears. "Come on" I grab her hand leading her to my large black dresser.

I pull out a pair of black sweatpants with the words "CHEER BITCH" acrosss the ass in white letters as I can feel her hand in mine about as warm as an popsicle. "Ok cause your all sad and stuff I'll give u a choice" I hold up a small grey shirt with janis joplin's big smiling face on it then a simple black shirt with Cheer across the tits and a megaphone in white. She looks up to me as if I'm going to attack if she picks the wrong one. "No wrong answer here it's just a shirt. You wanna play cheerleader barbie all the way or keep half of you covered in something musical?" She reaches out to take the Janis shirt. "Awesome choice. She's the bomb. Bathrooms right there remember, if you'd like privacy."

Not having a modest bone in this slammin body I take my clothes off right in front of her slipping my bra off only to catch her staring wide eyed. "I know there pretty awesome right?"

"Do they...feel the same?" I can't help the huge smirk that comes across my face. Okay seriously am I halusonating or did she seriously just say that?

"Why don't you see for yourself." Her eyes go impossibly wider and she violently shakes her head.

"No..no..I uh God." she mutters peeling her eyes off my tits and aiming them down at the floor as she hurrys past me and into the bathroom. I can't help but chuckle at her reaction. I throw on the cheer shirt and some booty shorts as unlike blueBerrry I am not freezing my ass off and climb in my big comfy bed and grab my phone sending a quick sext to Brits.

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**chapters get a lot longer after this..**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

My eyes fly open feeling my chin hit my chest in one of those 'falling asleep in class' moves. A little confused as to why I'm fully clothed sitting upright and alone in my bed I glance toward the clock. 10:45pm. Oh thats right I went temporarily insane and chose Berry over Brits. I look toward my bathroom to see the door still shut tight. Grumbling out loud at the realization Berry's been hiding in there for a good 20 minutes I skip the formaility of knocking. Hey this is my house after all. I jump up grabbing the key above the doorway and barge in causing the half naked girl to shriek in terror as her back slams into the wall. Okay, so not the best desicion I've made this evening.

"Uhm its been over twenty minutes and you're still not dressed? Did I interupt some...uh 'private solo times?'" I ask air quotes and all hoping to shift the fear out of her eyes. She lets out a huff in annoyance and suddenly my eyes focus on her bruised body. Standing in front of me in only tight black boyshorts I feel my jaw practically unhinge in horror and hit the floor. "Aye Dios mio ...does it hurt?" Wow. Since when did Brits speak spanish? And when did she sneak in? Wait hold up...that ridiculous question came out of my fat mouth. Smooth criminal? As if.

"Don't look at me." Shes sniffles but I can't help myself. My eyes wander slowly taking in the damages. Her entire left sholder down the arm and neck too are painted this ugly mix of black and purple with the faintest hints of yellow suggesting it's been a few days since the damage was done. Suddenly I strike "scarf" off my list of future insults for Berry as I see the hand print...a mother fucking HANDPRINT around her throat. I take a few tentitive steps closer afraid even getting near her will hurt her somehow. To my surprise her eyes lock with mine and she doesn't try to run. I can see the internal debate swimming in her eyes. "I won't hurt you" I whisper. My eyes go back down to where they left off zeroing in on bruised ribs. I close in on her now so close I can feel her shaky breath as I reach out to ghost my fingertips as feather light as possible over the angry bruises coloring her ribcage. She sucks in a pained breath and my eyes dart up to lock with hers. My other hand reaches to cup her chin afraid she'll look away. "I'm not going to hurt you. Do you know if any of these are broken?" She shakes her head no. "No they're not broken or, no you do not know."

"I..." her voice cracks and my heart feels as if it did too. Clearing her throat with determination she starts again. "No they're not broken, Santana. Mostly bruised with two fractured on the left side. I had to go to the doctor to reset my shoulder. They insisted they examine the rest of the… damage."

"You're going to need to fill me in on the rest of the damage later. Do you need anything for the pain? I have pills, I can get you ice packs or heating packs...what can I do?"

"I could actually use a tylenol."

I let out a bark of laughter. "Tylenol is for allergy headaches Berry I'll get you the good stuff that will actually take some of the pain away."

"I don't want to pass out or get delirious." I bite down hard on my lip before I mutter something along the lines of 'or I can take the pain away Santana style make you both delirious and pass out and you'll love every minute of it'.

"Don't trust me Berrry?" I can't help but smirk.

She rolls her eyes at me. Good to see a small flicker of the old diva back. "I just don't like losing control like that." Oh honey, you'd love it this time. Seriously I may be worse than Puckerman.

"I said the good stuff...not the great stuff." I turn to go raid my stash and possibly stick my head in the freezer when she grabs my arm.

"Santana wait...I uh..." She starts to stutter as I turn back around to face her.

I see her looking down helplessly at the clothes on the floor and realization hits me like a ton of bricks. "Oh my God why didn't you come out and get me?"

Again she shrugs. "I was embarrassed."

I grip her chin again as her gaze goes everywhere but my face. "Hey look at me. I'm only gonna say this once so do me a favor listen up." I let my eyes rake up and down her body trying to pretend the bruises aren't there. "Me gusta, mama. Rough translation? You're fucking hot, midget. You are no Ru-Paul after all and these hands?" I reach and take one in between both of mine…"I've never seen ones this cute on a man. And look at those tits? Amazing...for being your God given ones of course." She quickly moves to cross her arms over her chest as if suddenly remembering she's topless. "Uh uh" I gently uncross her arms and place them back at her sides. "Don't hide them. Just because I've morphed into Mrs Brady tonight doesn't mean I'd say this shit if I didn't mean it. You have nothing to be embarrassed of except for the fact that you cover all this up with your ridiculous toddler outfits."

"Well if everyone stopped hurling slushies all over me on a daily basis I could wear my real clothes. But quite frankly that stuff stains and I got tired of having to throw out all my good clothes." I feel my eyebrows shoot up to my hair line.

" That's pretty genius." She gives me a self satisfied smirk. "One day I want to see what you call your 'real clothes' but for now let's get you into mine and get this show on the road."

I'm not gonna lie I don't remember a time ever in my life where I was putting clothes ON a girl and not ripping them off, but tonight seems like a lot of firsts for me. I tried my hardest not to cringe hearing the whimpers as she struggled to move her arms and legs up and down as I redressed her.

After giving her some pain medication we find ourselves standing in my room staring at each other. Suddenly it's awkward as hell. Walking back out to my bed room it suddenly feels really freaking awkward. "This is weird" she states the obvious. "I don't know what to do."

"This is weird for_ you_? You're like the queen of vomiting emotions all over us everyday. Imagine how this feels for_ me_? I don't_do _emotions and I don't usually do this shit either, that's B's thing...with her bone crushing hugs and all."

"Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"There's a guest bedroom next door or it's cool if you pass out here my beds huge. Just stay on your side dwarf" Insult rolling of my tongue unapologetically. She's stalling, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to go through another whirlwind of emotions before she tells me what the hell happened to her. I am way outta my element here. And then she fires off this direct hit.

"Is that where you stole Finns virginity?"

Suddenly everything goes red. I take a few steps toward her closing the gap. I imagine I look similar to a raging bull...smoke coming out of my nostrils and all cause that's about accurate as to how I feel. "The fuck did you just say, hobbit?"

"I'm just saying that it would be a bit weird to share a bed with the woman who stole my boyfriend virginity." She says way to confident for my liking.

Oh no she didn't. Seriously how am I supposed to focus on being a nice person right now when she's firing this shit at me?

"First of all I didn't have to steal a damn thing he begged me for it. Second, he wasn't your boyfriend when we did it and he isn't now. Third, if you keep this up I will dump you off in the real lima heights, ya got me? Oh and for the record he paid for a hotel room."

I try to take some calming breaths. This was not what was supposed to be going down. Here I am selflessly giving up some sweet sex with Brits to take care of this ungrateful troll and she's firing cheap shots? I think it's time to reach into Snix bag of dirty little tricks before she takes over and I end up doing Berry more harm than good. She wants to come at me instead of dealing with this shit? Let's see her dodge this ball.

"Karofsky" I hiss, face so close to her we're practically Eskimo kissing. Her body goes rigid. Hey, I told you it was a dirty trick, but it works like a charm.

"Wh..what?"

"David Karofsky." I say arching and eyebrow and reaching for my phone. "Ah ha. There he is let me just give him a ring and have him pop on by."

_Ah ha, gotcha. _I muse to myself upon seeing her plump little lip start to tremble.

"No" she lets out in the most heart wrenching sob and collapses to the floor. She's pulled her knees up to her chest, head resting on top and is rocking back and forth. I don't know how long I'm standing there like an idiot before I toss my phone on my bed and quickly scramble down to the floor to take her in my arms, only to have the little monster start fighting me trying to shove me off. She might have an unusual amount of strength for her size but so do I and I have a few inches on her. I hold her tighter pinning her arms and violent little fists between our chests. "Shhh. You're safe Rachel I'd never do that to you." I whisper in her ear.

"Then why would you say such a thing." She shrieks loud enough to leave my ears ringing. I pull back to look her in the eyes, "because you've got to let this out, honey. Come on." I stand up holding out my hand for her to take and to my complete surprise she grabs it without a fight or nasty word. I let go of her hand to climb onto my bed and lean back against the headboard. She's still crying but holding back the sobs I can see desperate to break free. "Come here baby girl. You're safe here." She crawls up onto my bed and over to me settling down in my arms. I kiss the top of her head holding her tight with one arm while the other is running gently through her hair. She sighs as she squirms a little to get comfortable. "Are you in pain is this okay?" I ask seeing the bruises on her arm that just tightened across my waist.

"I'm okay. This feels nice. I don't know how to start this." She confesses quietly.

"Talk when you're ready we're in no hurry. Just relax and let whatever you're feeling out." That's all it takes it seems to finally push her over the edge. I'm a little taken aback at the effect it's having on me. She feel so small in my arms, it's the first time I see Rachel Berry as breakable. And that's exactly what she is, broken and although I can feel my heart breaking a long with her I have to consciously fights the rage bubbling up from deep within me.

Despite my horrendous attitude at times in Glee club I do love music which is why after a few moments pass with Rachel shaking violently in my arms from releasing all this pain, I start to sing softly. Maybe because she's wearing my Janis shirt that this song comes to my head but listening to the lyrics as I start to sing them I can't help but think it's kind of the perfect song for the broken body in my arms.

_Oh and I know how you feel,_

_I know you feel that you're through._

_Oh sit there, count, Ah, count your little fingers, _

_my unhappy oh little girl, little girl blue, yeah. _

I notice her small body still what feels like hours later but I'm sure hasn't been even close to that. Her body lets out a tremor every few breaths, the aftershocks of expelling such built up emotion, until only silence fills the room. My hand stills from playing with her hair as I reach down to tilt her chin up from where it's been buried under mine. "Hey there."

"Hi" she sniffles as I brush the tears from her face. "I think…I'm ready now." She whispers, the fear evident in her voice.

"Okay"

She lets out a sigh burying her head back in my chest and squeezing me tighter. "Just one more minute," she mutters into my chest.

I tighten my grip around her. "Take all the time you need honey, but you know it's never going to be easy to talk about. It's not going to feel any better a few minutes from now or a few days this is just something you're going to have to fight through, but you're not alone."

"I'm scared."

My heartbeat picks up speed in my chest, "of what?"

"He said he'd kill me if I ever told" her breath hitches again and I can feel her crying a little against me.

"Shhh it's okay baby girl. I told you, no one can touch you now, not even that son of a bitch. Besides, Auntie Snix is going to take care of him."

"No please, please promise me San. He'll kill me."

"Not if I kill him first, baby girl"

She sits up now pulling herself free of my embrace. She brings her knees back up to her chest and starts shaking her head. "No no no."

"Hey hey." I say softly shifting up to my knees next to her rubbing her back gently so I don't hurt her. "Shhh deep breaths, it's okay." She's starting to scare me with this mental patient rocking back and forth shit she's done twice already.

"No, it's not! It's never going to be okay again, Santana..Snix..whoever the fuck you are! If you go after him he'll come back for me. You can't protect me around the clock, please don't!"

Is she insane? I attack people if I don't like their outfits for God's sake and I'm supposed to 'control myself' around some meathead to if nothing else clearly beat the shit out of a girl! There is seriously no way I can promise not to kill this bastard. "Rach…I, shit…can we iron out those details later? I don't want to lie to you whatever he did seems pretty fucking awful. You're a strong girl, you can take alotta shit from alotta people, mostly me, and I've never seen you like this. Not to mention the fact you look like you've been playing the role of 'bait dog' in a pit bull fight."

She scoots a little to sit Indian style facing me. Taking both of my hands in hers she asks if I'm sure I really want to hear what happened to her. I assure her I most certainly do and kindly remind her I've said as much at least ten times tonight. She gets a faraway look on her face and her hands hold onto mine for dear life as she begins her story.


	5. Chapter 4

**TRIGGER WARNING... This is the chpt that describes what happened to Rachel...doesn't get to graphic but still just a warning.**

**I still don't own a thing.**

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"Puckerman had been on my case about never attending any of his parties which, he explained, even Kurt and Blaine attend from time to time. I guess that was supposed to convince me to go, I don't know. Kurt had text me after Glee on Friday letting me know he was definitely going to the party that night and was in need of a date, since Blaine couldn't make it for some reason I can't remember now. It took some effort on his part to convince me to go, but eventually I agreed. Sorry, I'm rambling and none of that is really important. I'll skip ahead a bit.

We'd been at the party for what seemed to me like an eternity but, as Kurt not so nicely informed me, it had been twenty minutes and he wasn't going to leave before midnight...which was 3 hours away. Against my better judgement I had agreed to catch a ride with him so, I was pretty much stranded. It's not like I'm really on speaking terms with anyone else but Puck and he was drunk when we had gotten there. I did my best to blend in and hide from Finn who also made an appearance. I had decided at some point that Kurt was being a horrible date so I set out to find him and tell him as much. I looked all over Pucks house first before heading outside. I made my way out back where no one was and was about to go back inside when I heard what sounded like whimpering behind the shed. I listened for a little longer then heard something bang against the shed, and what sounded like an angry voice followed by more whimpering. Against my better judgment I went to investigate and that's where I saw...I saw."

I have to pause for a moment and take a few deep breaths so I don't become hysterical again. I need to get this out, and if I start crying now I won't ever finish. She reaches for my hand and squeezes it tightly which gives me the last bit of courage I need to continue.

"I saw Kurt pinned up against the back of the shed by Karofsky who was...was kissing him really roughly. Kurt was trying to fight him off but ...well, you've seen him. My bicepts are bigger than his. Then suddenly Dave starts ripping at Kurts pants like he's gonna rape him or something and I don't know what came over me but, I charge at him punching and kicking just trying to get him off Kurt long enough so he could run. Kurt does manage to get away and instead of following him, I'm still attacking Dave. He grabs me and picks me up by the throat and slams me into the shed. I can't breathe at this point, since I'm hanging by my throat and I start to get dizzy. I guess he decides he doesn't want me to pass out or die, I don't know, cause he puts me down but keeps his hand tight around my throat. He starts yelling about how I don't know what I saw but he was not kissing Kurt, he's not a fag, and all this stuff. Santana, I didn't say a word to him about what I had or hadn't seen so, I don't know why he was all worked up. The more he's yelling about it the more angry he's getting at me. Then I hear him start saying how he's gonna show me how straight he is and I snap back to attention and try to fight out of his grip. He punched me in the stomach and that's all it took to immobilize me for the moment. It's all kind of a blur, to be honest, but I remember him forcing his lips on mine trying to kiss me, and his hands were running all over me..."

I choke up and cry quietly in my hands remembering how helpless and trapped I felt. I feel the bed moving underneath me then my hands being tugged away from my eyes. "Nena, look at me. You didn't say anything to trigger him honey, this is a hot button issue for him. It's all in his head, I'll explain that later okay? But please, look at me Rachel, you didn't cause him to react like that, okay? This, none of this, is your fault." I nod my head, although I don't know if I believe her. I mean how does she know what he's thinking? I see her scoot back to rest her back against the headboard, and pulls me to sit up against her between her outstretched legs. She wraps her arms around me from behind and speaks softly into my ear. "Shhhh your safe now Rach. It's okay. What happened after he...after that."

I hold onto her arms and lean back into her. I feel her kiss my temple then her chin resting on my shoulder. It feels a little bit easier to continue being wrapped up in her strong arms and, also not having to look at her, I think she may have sensed that. She's kind of awesome when she wants to be. "Like I said its all a bit of a blur really but he was being really rough and I was fighting him then I bit down on his lip, and he yelled but stopped assaulting my lips, but his grip only got tighter. That's when he spun me around and slammed my face into the shed. I tried to bend down and duck out of his grasp, but he grabbed my arm and twisted it back behind me so hard it popped out of its socket. If he noticed at all he didn't act like it. I was screaming in agony and it felt like I was going in and out of consciousness. The next thing I remember was when he reached up under my...my..skirt...Santana, I can't do this" I cry turning around in her arms so my legs are over her right thigh and my side is pressed into her. I nuzzle my head into her chest and cry.

After I catch my breath I hurry to finish the story as I feel exhaustion set in. "I was a virgin and now...now i don't think I am. He beat me up a bit more then...well like I said...until Puck or somebody came out the back door and he heard voices he stopped and ...uh...you know...pulled out. He kneed me in the ribs so fucking hard two of them broke. I was crumpled on the ground at this point, I don't really remember falling down but I do remember him getting right in my face saying if I told anyone about him and Kurt he'd fucking kill me next time. Then he told me not to bother telling anyone about him and I cause no one would care about me anyway, and Finn would just get mad, and hate me even more than he already does."

I let myself go again as I cling tightly to her. Her whole body has tensed up, but I don't care as long as she doesn't let go of me. She may not do this "sorta thing" but she's not too bad at it after all.

The next thing I remember is waking up in her arms my back pressed into her front and her arms tightly around me. She's placing gentle kisses to my hair, then my cheek, then my shoulder blade while saying my name over and over again. I roll over in her arms to face her. I can barely lift my eyelids they're so heavy and swollen. It's still dark out. "Hey you, I've got to get to Cheerios practice. You sleep in, okay? I've set the alarm for you. I'll come back after practice and pick you up for school, okay?"

"Are you sure? I can leave."

She glares at me. "Don't be ridiculous. Listen, we need to talk." she pauses which causes my heart to race with panic. She brushes some fallen locks of hair behind my ears. "You fell asleep after you told me what happened and for the first time all night you looked peaceful so, I didn't want to wake you, but we need to talk about what happened."

"I already told you."

"I know that, but that's not it. You don't just drop that bomb then say see ya later. I've got a lot I want to say, I said I'd be here for you Rache,l and I meant it. Just getting it off your chest is a start but it's not enough."

"What happened to Santana doesn't do feeling?" I mutter.

"This is not about my feelings, sweetie. I don't need to tell you how _I_ feel about all this, you need to talk about yours. Go back to sleep, call your dads and tell them you're working on a project or something after school. After Glee you're coming home with me and we're going to continue this."

"They're away on business"

"You've been home alone this whole time?" Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline as I nod. She lets out an angry sigh and pulls me into her chest.

"Jesus Christ, Berry."

"I'm sorry" I mumble because this is my burden to carry not hers.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry! You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm relieved you trusted me enough to confide in me and I promise I won't make you regret it."

I pull back out of her embrace. "Please Santana." I warn.

"Look this is the best I can do without lying to you. I promise to seriously try to not lay a hand on him or speak to him until we talk tonight, okay?"

"Try really fucking hard," I say as my eyelids droop closed. She kisses my forehead and climbs out of bed.

"There's no chance at all you'd skip school today is there?"

"Not a chance." I mumble shifting to lie in the warm spot where she used to be.

She sighs. "I thought so. See you after practice, baby girl. Be ready I'll beep."


	6. Chapter 5

**Santana**

I make it to my Range Rover before releasing the scream I've been holding since last night. I really really wanna hit someone! I don't even care who right now. Hey, I'm all for hitting inanimate objects too but ... been there, done that, broke my hand twice. More importantly, each time you break something the chances of it healing perfectly again decreases ... or so says the stupid orthopedic surgeon who repaired the damage last time ... I don't wanna risk earning myself the nickname of "man hands". It's so damn early there aren't any people around to K.O. so I take my anger out on the steering wheel. I don't think I'm actually capable of walking the halls knowing Karofsky's on the loose and uninjured. I don't know how Rachel can either. Maybe she won't notice if he suddenly vanishes? Shut up, Snix. I'm the only person she has. I can't loose her trust. God, why did she have to go and cry all over me? Now I actually care about the midget. What? don't judge me, you didn't see her.

There is way too much shit on my mind. I should be deciding what color to paint my nails or, who I want to slushie today. You know, normal teenage stuff, not this made for TV movie shit. I'm so far outta my element here. The one thing I can do for Berry...beat the living shit outta Karofsky...she has forbid me to do. A weird crazy laugh escapes my lips at the realization that I'm taking orders from Berry.

Back to the point, I must have been talking in my sleep when I told her we had a lot to talk about later. Seriously, why did I say that! What the hell do you say to someone who had the shit beat out of her and was ...wait a holy minute she said he may have taken her virginity not he did! Was Berry unconcious when he raped her or did whatever the fuck he did to her, or did she block it out? I swallow the bile that comes up. Good thing I can't remember the last time I've eaten solid food or I'd be making the freshman clean out my car during practice, and we like seriously need the time to practice for regionals coming up! Oh hey look there's McKinley High. When did I leave my drive way?

What was I thinking about a minute ago before puking in my car?

OH I REMEMBER!

I punch the steering wheel again but this time ... "OWW! FUCK!". _Holy shit_ that hurt! This is way to big a price for anyone to pay to help a friend... "Kurt" I hiss his name outloud. He doesn't even know, does he? He ran like the scared bitch he is and left her. He never came back or sent help! Wait, he drove her there...did he leave without her or did he drive her home beaten and bruised and not notice? I have to ask Rachel. I type out the text then realize I don't have her number when I go to click send. Oh well, at least I have someone to focus on until I get the all clear to kill Karofsky..."Kurt Hummel let me introduce you to my alter ego, Snix".

I nearly jump out of my skin when there's a loud bang on my window. Hand over my racing heart I turn to see Coachs ugly mug scowling at me."You gonna sit in there all day, Lopez?" She screams at my window before stalking off. I jump out of my car, grab my bag, and run into the building behind her. As head Cheerio I'm supposed to be the first one there, if any Cheerio beat me to the locker rooms I'll be demoted to the bottom of the pyramid for sure, and there's no way I can protect the diva from down there.

* * *

After what felt more like boot camp for the Marines than high school cheerleading practice, I make it back into the locker room. I'm beyond the point of physical pain. I can't feel a damn thing. The only reason I know I'm walking is because the scenery keeps changing around me and I'm getting somewhere. I'm numb...I'm not talking pins and needles numb ...this is Novocaine numb. You know how people can get all goofy at the dentist? Like laughing one minute crying the next all while they drool all over themselves? That's how I feel only without the brilliant teeth whitening that comes with it. What it is about physically pushing your mind and body to the brink of collapse that leaves you emotionally raw and vulnerable? Screw all these feelings, I need to be one third of the way through a bottle of Jim Beam, not in the Cheerios locker room trying to hold back the tears. Give me five minutes and that will switch to trying to not burst into a fit of laughter.

"Hey Santana!" Oh my _God_ what was that noise? Did someone teach a howler monkey to speak words? Are my ears bleeding? "Music?" the freshman screeches at me. I'd like to novacaine those fucking vocal chords, I tell ya what.

"Metallica. Cds all the way on the bottom of the stack." I need some angry music right about now... and she's still staring at me. What the fuck? I don't think I could have been more clear. I narrow my eyes at her. "Did I stutter?", I snap standing up and crossing my arms._ Poof be gone with you already!_

"Uh..n-nope." she quickly turns and runs to put the music on. I make a mental note to pass a law that she_ never_ speak in my presence.

Pretty soon I hear the familiar loud bass start pounding through the locker room erasing the memory of her voice.

"Hey, you alright?" Quinns honey sweet voice snaps me back to reality. Her hand moves to gently rub circles on my back and I can feel the tears threatening to fall again. I clear my throat and turn to her with a smile which I'm sure looks as forced as it is, "I'm awesome as always, Fabray." I can tell she doesn't believe me. Ouch! What the fuck? It feels as though I've been punched in the gut. I know what you're thinking, and no, it was not Fabray. It's the song. I place my hand on her shoulder as I gasp for breath as all the air seems to have left my lungs. Seriously, of all the Metallica songs _this_ is the one that comes on?

**_Born to push you around. You better just stay down. You pull away, he hits the flesh you hit the ground. Mouths so full of lies tend to black your eyes. Just keep them closed, keep praying, just keep waiting. _**

Images of Rachels broken and bruised body flood my mind followed by the sharp pangs of guilt knowing she's been alone for two days like that. Not that she really had a choice, she literally has no one. Correction, HAD no one, she has me now.

**_Waiting for the one, the day that never comes. When you stand up and feel the warmth but the sunshine never comes, no. No the sunshine never comes._**

"Santana? Honey, what's wrong? Deep breaths, come on, in and out" Quinns voice sounds far away even though I know she's right beside me.

**_Push you cross that line. Just stay down this time. Hide in yourself. Crawl in yourself you'll have the time. God, I'll make them pay. I'll take it back one day. I'll end this day I'll splatter color on this gray. _**

I feel Quinn guiding me to the bench to sit. When she throws one arm around my shoulders and pulls me in close whispering words of comfort I can't hold the tears back any longer. At least for now their coming out somewhat under my own control but that won't last much longer if this song doesn't magically stop.

**_Waiting for the one. The day that never comes. When you stand up to feel the warmth but the sunshine never comes. No. Love is a four letter word and never spoken here. Love is a four letter word here in this prison. I suffer this no longer. I'll put an end to this I swear. _**

I know I'm seconds away from completely breaking down so I jump off the bench and run toward the showers, almost knocking Britts off her feet on the way. I slam the door shut behind me, turn the water on scalding hot hoping that just maybe it's enough to keep Fabray and the music out. As the scalding hot water burns my skin I shrink to the floor, letting the tears out freely now as I can still hear the song as it finishes out.

**_This I swear the sun will shine. This I swear, this I swear, this I swear!_**

I should know better. The devil herself couldn't keep Fabray away from somewhere she feels she needs to be...which right now is apparently all up in my business. We're currently tip toeing the line of a recent truce or else I'd have gone all Lima Heights and sent her ass right back out. "Jesus San...ow fuck..that's hot!" She turns off the water then starts yelling. "Alright. What the hell is going on with you?" My knees are pulled up to my chest and I'm sobbing. I couldn't answer her even if I wanted to, which I don't. When I don't respond or even lift my head off my arms she sits down next to me. She's not too great at taking a hint but frankly I'm too damn tired to worry about my pride. "Santana look at me." she orders like we've gone back in time and she's head cheerleader again.

I pick my head up to look over at her cause it's not like she's gonna back off if I don't, but I can't stop the tears anymore than Zizes can stop eating. "I-I-don't know w-wh-what to d-do!" Is all I can manage. Her baby blues soften and she bites her lip. _Shit._ I know what that means.

"D-Don't y-you dare c-c-cry Fab-ray!"

"Shut up and come here" she whispers wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into her. "Shhh. It's okay, Santana, whatevers happened we'll fix it, okay? Just...just let it out."

As if I could stop it now anyway. Maybe I should tell her. If I talk it out with someone I might figure out what I should say to Rachel later. Maybe she'll know how to help her. Isn't that what you're supposed to do about this feelings shit? Talk it out? Moments pass and we're sitting there quietly as my tears fall silently now, and I can't even believe I'm still letting her hold me. _Whatever._ It feels pretty nice and she smells like candy. I'm startled by a broken voice, "San what's wrong? I'm scared" whispers Brittany with all the innocence of a child. Tears are filling her eyes. "Is it because your uniform is ruined? I promise I wont let coach kill you." _She's adorable._

Quinn and I both let out a small laugh. How sweet can she be? "I'm okay Brit." I say holding out my hand for her to pull me up. I pull her into a hug and reassure her over and over again that I'm alright.

Quinn puts a hand on my back and rests her head on my shoulder as I pull away from Brit. "Come on, Brit is right, we've gotta get you outta that uniform before it's ruined."

"You trying to get in on this action?" I tease.

She laughs out loud and pulls back enough to smack me on the ass. "Glad to see you're feeling better" she says as Brit lets out an adorable laugh and heads back toward the lockers. Q wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me back against her. "You're not getting off that easy, Lopez. We're gonna talk about this later okay?" How polite of her to phrase that as a question when we both know she's not asking. I lean into her for a second relishing the comfort I didn't know I needed. "Fine, Fabray."

Time to get a move on. School starts in an hour and a half and I've gotta go get Rachel. I shower quickly throwing my uniform over the door to Q so she can have her mom take it to the dry cleaners. I assume it's Brit who steals my towel so that sets me back a few minutes as I wander around naked looking for it. Everyone is gone at that point except for Q and Brits. Not that I would care anyway.

"Hey Q?" I ask as we reach my car.

"Yea?" she turns, blonde hair lit up by the rising golden sun.

"Thanks for...uh... you know" I shrug as she smiles pulling me in for a hug.

"Thats what friends are for. I'm serious though were going to talk later, okay? We've got to do better with this stuff if we wanna keep the unholy trinity together. We have to let eachother in."

I nod into her shoulder then let her go. "It doesn't look like I've been crying does it?" I ask suddenly shy and avoiding eye contact.

She reaches up tugging my chin to face her and inspects carefully. "Nope must be that flawless olive skin you've got. You look gorgeous as ever." That must have _killed_ her to say that, but non the less I'm grateful.

I smile as she walks away with a little wave only to have Brittany launch herself at me and squeeze so tight I feel dizzy. "Geez Brits! I'll see you in an hour."

Oh no, she's pouting. Why is she pouting? "I missed you last night, then today you hardly talk to me and then you're crying in the shower with Quinn. Did I do something wrong? I'm really sorry about the Lord Tubbington mix up last night I swear I had told you." She pouts looking down at the ground.

"Hey of course not, it's okay honey, come here. Don't be upset, please." I say pulling her back into me. "I'm just tired honey, practice was hell and I couldn't sleep last night cause you weren't with me." She pulls back grinning and I can't help smile back at her. She's so damn cute. "Britts I'm sorry, I've gotta run. I'll see you in first period, k?"

"Yeah okay" she smiles as she walks ot her car blowing me a kiss. I jump into mine and head home to get Rachel.

* * *

"Buenos dias, nena! How was your practice?" My mom asks as I shut the front door behind me.

"Hola, Mama. It was brutal, actually." I toss my bag on the floor and look up in time to be engulfed in a warm hug. "Mmm Mama can't I just stay right here and sleep?" I somewhat whine as I nuzzle my head into her chest.

She laughs. "I'd love for you to, nena you look like you haven't slept in days. Whats wrong?" I hear the concern in her voice as she gently guides me out of her embrace to look me over. She tries to feel my forehead but I shake my head away from her hand.

"Nada, Mama. I'm just tired, Coach is killing us at practice."

"Is Britney feeling okay?" she asks.

_What?_ "Uh...I think so?"

"Well she never misses a practice, I didn't think you were even allowed to."

"She didn't. She was there this morning. Mama, what are you talking about?" Her eyes widen in alarm.

"M'ija, someone was just in your shower! I heard the water running, I assumed it was Brittney. I dont' remember you asking me to have someone else stay the night."

"Oh, that's Rachel. She's a ...friend, from Glee. It wasn't planned Mama, she was really upset last night. Her parents are away and I didn't want her staying alone. I'm sorry, you know I always ask permission, I didnt know what else to do I couldn't leave her."

She pulls me in for another hug and I swear if she doesn't stop doing that I might start crying again. "You're such a good person, Santana. I know you don't believe that, but you are and I love you. Is she alright now?"

"I dont know Mama, actually if you don't mind I'd like to go check on her and get her down here for some food before school."

"Of course, bebita."

"Oh Mama? She's a vegan so don't go crazy making a ton of egg and bacon cause she wont eat it."

Her eyebrows raise in amusement. "And who said I was making eggs and bacon at all?"

I pout. "You're making them for me cause I'm such a great person and all."

She laughs out loud. "Oh is that so?"

I nod and can't help but smile as she shakes her head while pulling out bacon and eggs from the fridge.

Oh, shit. "Mama?"

"Yes, Santana."

"Um please don't react if you see any bruises on her when she comes down. I promise I'll explain it all to you later, okay? I don't want to get her upset again before school if I can help it, and I know she's already really self conscious about them. You don't need to worry mama, just please trust me."

She gives it some thought. "Alright, I'll try my best Nena. Are you sure this is something you can handle?"

"I'm not sure yet, but if I can't I'll find someone who can help her."

"Okay, of course I trust you nena, now go get her before this lovely breakfast I'm making for you is finished then goes cold!"

I run over to where she's standing stirring the eggs and wrap my arms around her waist. "Muchos gracias, Mama! Te amo mucho" I rise up to my tip toes and lean my head over her should to give her a quick kiss on the cheek then run up the stairs to my room.

Rachel's sitting on the edge of my bed when I walk in._ Oh my God Oh my God so many insults...go away, look away._ Must distract...BED my you look nice. I walk over to the foot of my bed and launch myself face down into my comforter. It feels even more amazing than I thought it would. "Are you alright?" she asks. I groan as a reply. "Santana, you'll have to forgive me I do not speak 'caveman'"

I open one eye to look at her, "tired".

"Got it. Practice was rough I take it?"

I grunt again and reach my arm out to touch her back."How are you?"

No reply.

"Berry, I asked you a question."

When a few moments pass by and I'm still met with silence I roll myself sideways so my head lands next to her lap and I can look up into her eyes.

"Hey, talk to me, please."

I see tears welling up in her eyes. She shakes her head back and forth and lets out a loud sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm ...I'm fine" she says forcing a smile. I sit up immediately and flip off the bed to kneel in front of her.

"Hey, look at me." I grab her hand in mine. "You are not fine, and thats okay honey. Honestly, I'd be more worried about you if you were fine after all that you've been through this weekend. Don't hold back with me. Talk to me." I catch the few tears that now spill over her eyes with my thumb.

"I don't think I can do this" she whispers looking at her lap.

"Do what sweetie? Look at me Rachel." I tilt her chin up. "You don't think you can talk to me?"

She shakes her head no.

"Go to school?"

She nods.

I catch more of her tears with my thumb and squeeze her hand reassuringly. "You _can_ do this, you know why I know that?"

She shakes her head no.

"Because you are one of the strongest people I know. Anyone else who had been treated like you have been every single day would have let it silence them a long time ago, but not you, you got even louder." she laughs a little at that. "More importantly, this time around you have me on your side and not against you. I'll protect you from _him_" I take a breath before continuing as that last word comes out in an angry hiss "and from all the nasty mean Snix wanna-bes. No one speaks a word or throws a slushie at anyone I deem off limits. You're with me now, baby girl, I will destroy anyone that even looks at you funny."

She has a strange look on her face when she presses her fingers to my lips. I'm begining to loose count how many times berry has told me to shut up in the last 24 hours. Her eyes crunch closed and I'm completely at a lose for what the hell is happening until I see her small shoulders begin to tremble. "Shit, Rachel. Come here, come here don't cry..please don't cry." I plead pulling her with me as I stand up pulling her into a tight hug. I must be still overly emotional from the killer practice or the fact I can't remember when I last slept but I'm really having to struggle not to cry myself. "I'm so sorry Rachel" I whisper into her hair. I feel her tense then pulls away looking me straight in the eyes.

"What?" she looks confused. What the fuck did I say? Cause I thought I apologized but... "Stop saying your sorry l-like you did this to me."

"But Rachel I.." and she cuts me off.

"No, you don't get to take the blame just because you've been a bitch in the past. If you don't recall I held my own quite well agaisnt you and even had that great remark about the stripper pole...which I regret now. I just... I don't want you going to any trouble over me because you feel guilty. You didn't do this, you're actually the only that noticed something was wrong with me."

Suddenly I remember Kurt "About that Rach, I have a few questions about Kurt"

"No, don't change the subject. Forget him. Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah, I don't know what to say to that. I don't deserve..." And she does it again.

"Shut up."

"Okay seriously you're going to have to stop telling me to shut up. It's really messing with our dynamic here."

She laughs shaking her head like I'm being ridiculous.

"You're beautiful when you smile." I can't help myself.

"Oh my God you're incouragable!"

"What?" I ask feining innocence. This bitch can read me like a book.

"Stop changing the subject Santana, we were having an emotional moment, deal with it."

No thank you. I'd like to deal with the issue she's apparently avoiding instead. "And you're avoiding a question I asked you, why? Did Kurt ever ask you what happened after he ran like a bitch?"

She shakes her head no and in the same moment my blood pressure shoots through the roof.

"Calm down." she says as her hands tighten on my shoulders.

"Are you kidding me? Calm down? That pendejo.."

"Santana" she pulls me into a hug. "I was really going to try to refrain from telling you to shut up but you're already making it difficult."

"But he..."

"I can't do this right now, please." her voice sounds shaky and that's enough to stop me...for now. I told you I'm a big sucker when girls cry.

"Alright.I'm sorry."

"Please, stop apologizing." she pleads, breath tickling my neck.

"Alright alright. Sorr - so Rachel you ready for breakfast?" I ask quickly covering up the sorry that almost slipped out again.

"I'm not really hung.." Now it's my turn to interrupt.

I pull back holding her at arms length. "Whoops didn't mean for that to come out as a question. Lets go eat. My mom made you something vegan friendly."

Her eyes bug out. "You're_ Mom_?" she gasps.

"Uh yes, I resent the shocked expression Berry, I was not raised by wolves you know."

"Did you tell her.."

"Nope." I cut her off. "Relax, it's going to be okay. _You're_ going to be okay I'll make sure of it. Besides, my Mom is pretty freaking awesome. Uhm but about this outfit?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"No."

"No? I don't recall asking your permission to wear it or not?"

"Were you not paying attention earlier? I said you're with _me_ now. Which means, no slushies, so no hideous toddler outfits...besides you wore that last night. Come with me...I'm going to dress you."

"Oh God no...this must be a nightmare."

"I'm going to let that one slide, Berry. You told me you dress 'normal' outside of school so you shouldn't have a problem with what I decide to let you borrow."

"Santana you dress a little too..uh.."

"I'm going to stop you right there because you're going to look like a complete idiot saying that in_ that_ very tiny strip of fabric you're wearing as a skirt."

I decide on something simple, which was _not_ easy to find, hoping to avoid a big dramatic argument. I toss a pair of skinny jeans at her and a simple black v-neck shirt. "Will that do?"

"Do you ahve a turtleneck?"

I'm about to unload a few opinions about turtlenecks on her until I remember the fucking handprint. "I have my cheerios white one... I don't know if I have...hang on." I go back to digging though my closet as I shout "Go try on the jeans a while. If their too big I have the next size down that I only fit into during one of Coach's 'Starvation weeks'."

I'm messing around on my laptop by the time I hear the familar click of the door when ..."Oh...my GOD...Berry you look hot!" She actually blushes which is great becasue maybe the drool I'm sure is coming from my mouth will go unnoticed.

Or perhaps not. "They're just jeans Santana stop staring at me like that."

My mouth is still a gape and I quickly snap it shut biting my tounge in the process. I try to restrict the scream in agony to in my head only. Okay, but seriously I've been quiet for a long time. Say something, damnit. Anything, she's starting to squirm. "I'm sorry just...wow...uh..." Real good, you idiot. "So, this is the best I've got it's not a turtle neck but if you let me mess around with some bronzer and cover up I can hide what the collar won't."

She nods and I follow her into the bathroom. Um but wait a second, "Oh should I wait outside? Yes I should." I answer my own question out loud, but her hand on my arm stops me. Warm. Her hands are warm like fresh outta the dryer warm not clammy and gross. They're hands are so soft, too...her hands I mean. Move your gaze back up to her eyes Sananta! I'll have to find a non-awkward way to bring up the question of what moisterizer she uses. Not that my hands aren't silky smooth as well, acutally mine are probally better, but regaurdless I'm curious. So shoot me. That's a great idea actually, since I fear thats the only way to prevent me from actin' a fool just cause the girl looks phenomenal in my jeans.

"Considering we had a long conversation in here just last night with me in nothing more than my boy shorts it's fine if you stay, Santana."

The lady does have a point. It's a shame she was so banged up or I'd have moved on from the jeans and back to her in those little boy shorts. Just feels wrong though. Yes, even I have lines I don't like to cross, but I can't always get the horney teenage boy that's trapped in my body to cooperate. She gingerly starts to tug her shirt off. "Here, let me." I offer seeing her struggling.

"Thanks, I hate not being able to even dress myself. I feel so stupid and helpless."

"Hey, stop being ashamed of needing help!"

She cuts me off right there. "I don't need help.."

I return the favor. "Alright wise guy, don't be ashamed to_ want_ help, or accept help. I _want_ to help. Take advantage of it, I mean when will you ever get away with ordering me around again? Never, I assure you. How the hell did you get in and out of clothes the past two days by yourself?"

"Scissors."

I lock eyes with her in complete surprise. I don't know what I thought she did but it never crossed my mind to mutilate the clothing. But then again, no big loss there. "Seriously?"

"That's the only way I could get them off" she winces as she shrugs her shoulders.

I can't stop the angry sigh that comes out of my mouth. "I fucking hate that you were alone." No one deserves that kind of treatment after taking a brutal beating for a friend. Not even little Berry here. Sure she's as annoying as they come but she's_ harmless._

I continue applying bronzer to her throat. I want this prick on a spit. Should she have called the cops? Is it too late to do that now? Where do you find shit like that out? Her breath is tickling the hair on the top of my head as I'm leaning in close to her neck inspecting to make sure it's all covered.

She smiles "I know you hate it, but whats done is done. I'm grateful to have you now, thank you."

Shit, that was sweet. "Alright all done. Lets get you into this shirt and see how it looks shall we?" Wow that was all sorts of polite. I'm wracking up good deed points left and right. Maybe I'll be able to keep the hail Mary's under 100 this week. Maybe, although I'm sure I'll loose a ton of good deed points at school today. I don't forsee myself being able to keep Snix from making an appearence. I help Rachel into the grey button down and she makes a face that sort of resembles her normal radient smile only it's short a few kilowatts.

"Wow, you're pretty good at that!" I can't help but smile proudly at the compliment but my joy is short lived. Here we are grinning like idiots for the first time today and it's all because I managed to cover a big fat dark handprint around her throat. Seriously I'm going to kill this kid.

"Thanks, alright I'm seriously starving! Lets go get our eats on then get to stupid school...you sure u dont wanna skip."

She laughs. "You will not use me as your excuse to cut school do you hear me?"

"Geez, yes mom." I grumbletaking her hand to lead her to the yummy goodness I know is waiting for me downstairs.

As we desend the stairs in silence her grip on my hand, which was practically non-existant on her end, has increased in strength the closer we get tothe bottom. I glance at her as we step down into the entryway of my house and she's standing ram rod straight. I give a gentle squeze to her hand and lean over to whisper "Hey, relax honey, it's going to be okay." She takes a big gulp, lets out a breath and relaxes...a little. I feel her about to yank her hand from mine but I tighten my grip again keeping it locked with mine. I send her what I hope to be a calming look. My mom has got all...5,6,7 ..._seven_ boxes of cereal we own out on the table with three different kinds of milk, juice, coffee and water. She's over by the stove shoveling what I assume to be my food off the burner while singing softly to herself. She's a vison. She's about a head taller than me, which is _so_ not fair and I better not be done growing yet. I have her long raven hair and soft brown eyes and pouty lips. She's a size bigger than me but not an ounce of fat is on that woman. If you saw how my family eats you'd realize what a true miracle she is. "Mmmm Mama, smells delicious."

"M'ija" she starts without turning around. "I'm just getting your food on your plate now. What would you like to drink? Is your friend feeling okay? Is she joining? What does she.." I cut her off. I have to because I'm afraid if she continues I'll forget half of the questions.

"Aye, Mama, por favor. I'll have orange juice, yes she's right here Mama, and Rachel I'll let you answer the last one. Are you feeling any better today?" I gently squeeze her hand again for encouragement as she looks nothing like herself standing there with a nervous smile and wide eyes.

At this my mother whirls around. "Forgive me! Rachel, sweetie how..." Shit I thought I covered that handprint. My brow furrows in concern as I quickly try to find the bruising..oh her sleeves are rolled up showing some pretty nasty bruises..phew! Come on Mama speak. "How are you feeling today?" she finishes. Rachels looking at the floor now. "I'm...I'm better, thanks to your daughter."

"She may come across as a real bitch but she's a sucker for damsels in distress. She's a great nurturer."

_.God!_ "Mom!"

Rachel laughs a little. "She's just got a very quick whit and a sharp tounge. I wouldn't call her ...uh what you did, since a lot of the times it's what most of us are thinking anyway. I do agree about being a great nurturer though, Mrs Lopez. She must have had a great teacher."

What a little suck up.

My mom smiles and ushers us to sit. She asks Rachel a million questions. What drink does she want, cereal is it okay blah blah. I mostly tune it out and focus on my delicious bacon and eggs. Before I know it it's time for school. We say goodbye and thanks to my mom, climb into my car, and head to school. I don't know why but I'm both happy and relieved to hear she liked my Mom. We discuss the plan for the day...basically that I'll be picking her up and walking her to classes until I've had proper time to instill fear in all my little minions. I try again to pry about Kurt but am shut down when she quietly turns her head and I see a single tear slide down her cheek. I immediately shut up and regret trying again so soon after telling me she didn't think she could speak about it yet. I can't help but rush to the other side of the car when we park, open the door, help her climb down then pull her into my arms and apologize properly for pushing the issue. There's not the usual resistance this time she instantly melts into my arms making my heart flutter in contentment. I wish I could keep her in the safety of my arms all day and protect her, but I can't.

I cup her chin in my hands and tell her once again how she _can_ do this because she's not alone anymore she has me and I'll protect her. I even gave her a "safe" word to use if shit hits the fan and I go all lima heights and scare her in any way she's to shout the word which (God willing) will bring me back to reality. I grab her hand and start walking toward the front doors when she stops dead in her tracks. Confused as to why her hand is suddenly missing from mine I follow her line of sight and see the son of a bitch walking in ahead of us. She sees my reaction and wraps both of her her arms around my left arm clinging tightly. "Breathe, Santana it's okay I just would like him to go in well ahead of us."

_Breathe._ As if that is the easiest thing in the world. I wasn't expecting to see him so soon. "If you'd like to go in ahead of me as to not be seen with.." _What?_ That gets my attention. Instead of words I yank my arm from her grip and use it to pull the startled girl into my side. I keep my arm around her shoulders and walk through the front doors.

It's like a game of freeze tag. Everyone moving about irradically then suddenly everyone stops and is frozen, eyes focused on us. "Alright listen up and listen good. Berry here has just been bumped to the top of Santana's 'do not slushie' list. On top of that you are not to make eye contact, bump, kick, hit, or touch her in any way. I will not tolerate ANYTHING short of kindess toward her. Do you hear me? Tell your friends as of right now Berry's under my protection. If she wants something? You get it for her without a word of protest. All nasty nicknames are off limits you will ONLY refer to her by her first name only. Now, stop staring before I cut your eyes out."

And so begins the day.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow! Thanks for all the story alerts, favorites, follows, and reviews! Feel free to leave any ideas on what you'd like to see happen in a review! **

**I own nothing..**

* * *

I have just dropped Berry off at her first class and reiterated my threat to destroy anyone who looks at her funny when Quinn falls into step with me, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "Okay, I was worried this morning, Santana but now you're really scaring me." I'm not really listening to her, I've got other things on my mind. Thankfully, _you know who _wasn't in her first period class, now if only I could find Kurt.

"Where the hell is Kurt?" I wonder aloud.

"Kurt? Who cares?" Quinn laughs, looking at me as though I've lost my mind.

"Me, obviously. I need to find that little shit"

"Okay, enough." she comes to a dead stop and the arm she has around my shoulders forces me to stop along with her.

"Quinn I needs to go!" I say trying to duck out from under her arm.

"The only place you _needs_ to go is to the looney bin." Her grip tightens around my shoulder, preventing me from escaping without causing a scene. "Are you feeling okay?"

I swat her hand off my forehead and roll my eyes at her. "I'm gonna be late, let me go, Fabray."

"Late? Since when do you care about getting to class on time? Lets skip and you can tell me what's really going on."

I shake my head violently. "No! Kurt might be in my class!"

"Santana it's almost February you don't know if he's in your class or not? And what's your obsession with Kurt all of a sudden?"

I shrug "He's never been on radar before now, none of your business, and let me go! Wait, is he in your class?"

She eyes the last few students scurrying to class leaving us pretty much alone in the hallway. "Cut the crap. We both have study hall next you're meeting me in the choir room and ...shut up Santana and listen to me...well that was it actually."

I like to smack the smug look right off her face, but we're trying to get along these days so I just nod 'cause I really do need her advice.

I'm leaning in the door way as Rachel's class lets out. I can't help the smile when her eyes meet mine and I can see the relief in them. I walk over to where she's standing by her desk, lean in and whisper "how you doin', squirt? Any one I need to hurt?" She looks at me as she piles the last of her books in her arms and smiles a little. "My my Santana what a poet you are. No, thank you I am doing just fine. Everyone has been alarmingly kind to me."

"Good. You're not lying right? Cause I will find out if anyone even thought bad shit about you" I take her books from her as she smiles gratefully at me.

"I'm not lying to you, I wouldn't do that after everything you've done for me. I know what honesty means to you, and hopefully you understand how much it means to me. If this turns out to be a big joke I don't think..I- I...ahem..I don't think I'd come back from this."

I know I'm a bitch but...damn that hurts. I put the books on a desk and becasue I don't trust my own voice not to crack with emotion I pull her in for a hug. Neither one of us says anything. A few students start filing in and let out shocked gasps upon seeing my arms around Rachel. She quickly tries to move out of my embrace but my arms tighten around her quickly. I loosen my grip when she hisses in pain, but I won't let her go. I know she's worried about what I will think if people see us like this but I don't give a shit and I want her to know that. "I'm sorry baby girl I didn't mean to hurt you." I whisper. I let her pull back out of my embrace now but keep my hands on her hips.

"I know, it's okay."

I move the brown locks that fell in front of her eyes behind her ear and cup her chin. "Look at me." Her eyes move up and lock with mine. "This is real. It's disgusting that it took something like this happening but I care about you. I don't pretend to like people, Rach that much you should know for sure about me. This is not a joke or a prank and I'm not going to change my mind. You got it?"

She nods. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you out to be a horrible person, it's just sometimes hard to believe I got this lucky and finally ... have someone on my side I guess is a good way to put it. The three people I can call my friends don't seem to notice or care that something has happened to me. Breathe" she tells me as I'm sure she felt my whole body stiffen upon her mentioning her so called friends. "Santana, I did not say that to get you worked up, please breathe. I need you."

She's good. That whole "I need you" brought my blood pressure right back down. I pull her in again for a quick hug as the rooms almost full I know she's going to be late if we don't get a move on. "Break it up" I hear Pucks obnoxious voice and send him a death glare since Rachel can't see. A punch to Pucks arm catches my attention. More specifically the fat hand attached to a letterman jacket that delivers the punch. "Whats wrong!" I hear the panic in her voice as she no doubt can feel the anger coursing through me. There he is that son of a bitch. Karofsky's eyes lock with mine and then everything goes black.

* * *

**PUCKS POV**

Here I am in the only class I'll probally attend all day, just chillin'. I toss a snide remark Santana's way cause, duh, thats how we do things and suddenly Snix appears. She bursts outta Rachels arms like rabid pit bull and lucky for her I've been working out a lot and grab her before she castrates Karofsky. Not that I care about saving that kids junk but I'm not about to let my partner in crime get expelled over his ass. I don't even think he said anything to her, although I've been accused of having selective hearing more times than I can count. This girl may be tiny but let me tell you she's as strong as a bull, I'm seriously working up a sweat here trying to hold her back. "SANTANA! Santana!" I'm screaming but I'm almost possitive she can't here me. She never hears a thing when she goes all Auntie Snix on someone, most people think she's joking, although after this I think there will be a few more believers. I look up at Karofsky in time to see him smirk at her, wrong move buddy. A sharp pain shoots through my arm, she bit me! The lunatic lesbian actually bit me! I didn't mean to loosen my grip but, she bit me! She ducks out of my hold and lunges for him again, he's no longer smirking and actually looks rather terrified, as he should be. "Santana would you knock it off what's going on?" I grab her again lifting her off the ground. She's practically foaming at the mouth and I'm trying to think of Karofsky naked so I don't get a hard on from this. I've never seen her this angry which is saying something, I'm seriously tempted to let her go and grab some popcorn but I don't want her expelled. This jerk, whatever he's done, ain't worth it. I'm shocked out of my fantasy when she suddenly goes limp in my arms. I heard Rachel's voice right before but I don't know what she said. Whatever it was, was enough to knock the fight right outta Snix. What the hell is going on? I'm not stupid, I take this oppurtunity and carry her out into the hallway.

* * *

**SANTANA**

Strong arms are wrapped around my waist and my feet have left the ground. I'm fighting to break free but damn this persons strong! "Santana would you knock it off what's going on?" I can hear Pucks voice, he must be the one holding me back but why? He should be helping me kill this mother fucker. I lock eyes with Karaofsky his smile smug as he thinks he's safe from me now. Wrong move. I bite down on Pucks arm and with a yelp he releases his hold just enough for me to wiggle out and lunge at that smug looking Karofsky. Puck is too fast and grabs me just as I'm about to make contact and then I hear it, "Beaches". Through all the yelling I hear Rachels voice and I go limp in Pucks arms._ Beaches_, that was the code word I gave her. So what I like that movie okay? It's a real tear jerker and we all know what tears do to me. Puck sighs in relief and uses this oppurtuniy to carry me out into the hallway.

"Put me down asshole!" I scream trying to free myself.

"What the hells gotten into you Satan? You bit me!" he says rubbing his arm. "Now I need a rabies shot"

I punch him hard in the chest for that one. "Fuck you! Where the hell is your loyalty Puck?"

"Loyalty? I just saved you from getting suspended or even expelled. He's not worth it, Santana seriously put Snix away. Dude, that hurt! Look at your teeth marks!"

"The hell he's not you have no idea what he's done! God, you're such a baby!"

"So, tell me! And I am not!"

"I-I can't tell you right now I've gotta get Berry! Where is she, Puck? You can't leave her alone in there with that asshole!"

"Yeah, speaking of Berry whats going on-woah! Oh no you don't, damnit! You're not going back in there, I'll get her! Stay right here, I'm not kidding!" I roll my eyes as he shoves me back.

"Fine, Pukerman, but hurry the hell up!" I shout after him. I'll stay here cause I feel like it, thank you, not cause he told me to.

"Watch that mouth, young lady", Shelby glares at me as she brushes past me and through the door. No wonder Puckerman is actually in class.

It feels like a freaking eternity until Puck leads Rachel out of the classroom, arm drapped around her shoulders he's practically strutting. Ugh, freakin' hero. Rachels not nearly as relaxed as he is, in fact she doesn't look comfortable at all. "Hands off!" I yell throwing a punch his direction. My eyes never leave Rachel so between that and his attempt to dodge it I clip him hard on the mouth.

"Shit! Seriously Snix again? What the fuck is going on?" The result is all the same as he's forced to retract his arm up to his now bleeding lip. I'm about to yell something back at him but Rachel whispers something.

"What's that baby girl?" I ask her.

"Please, take me to class. I wanna- i wanna go to c-class".

"I'll take you-" Puck starts then shuts up immediately when Shelby walks out into the hallway.

"What's going on out here? Noah, did she hit you?" I roll my eyes.

Puck is glaring at me and for a moment I'm not sure if he's gonna throw me to the wolves or not. "Nah, bit my lip."

"You sure, this one has a history of-"

"Nah, nah, nah, no offense lady but ain't there some rule about using someones passed sins against them?"

"Innocent until proven guilty." Berry speaks up.

"Don't you 'lady' me Santana Lopez or you can forget about getting your solo for Regionals. Get to class, both of you" she demands nodding at Rachel as she pulls Puck in her classroom by his ear.

"Come on, Rach" I throw my arm around her and grab her books with my other. She leans her head on my shoulder as I walk her two doors down to history. "You wanna stop at the girls room?"

"Don't wanna be late" she mumbles.

"I'm a cheerio, if I walk you in, you're not in trouble for being late. It's like magic."

"You can keep your magic, just take me to class."

"Are you okay with what happened back there?"

"No"

"You're mad at me aren't you? Is that why you're hardly talking?

She lets out what sounds a lot like an angry sigh. "Of course I'm mad, Santana you make it one whole period before going back on your promise!"

"Woah, hold up." just then the bell rings, she pulls away from my grasp and ducks into the classroom, leaving me standing there mouth agape. And then suddenly her head pops back in the doorway.

"Will you still pick me up after this class? Please?"

"Yeah, I'll be here."

Quinn's already in the choir room by the time I stroll in, pacing back and forth like a lion in a cage. "Whats up your ass, Q?"

"There you are! What the hell happened back there?"

"Hmm I dont' know what your talking about" I sigh tossing my bags on a chair and crossing my arms.

"Oh is that right? Let me guess, you blacked out right? Cause you have no control or memory when Snix comes out."

"MM Hmm somethin' like that. I don't know what your all worked up about, I didn't even get a chance to clock that SOB."

"Well you sure got a shot on Puck!"

I roll my eyes. "Seriously? That's what this is about?"

She takes a calming breath and walks closer to me. "What the hell's going on, Santana? It's been one freakin' period and already Snix has made an appearance. This must be pretty bad."

I roll my eyes, I can't help myself I'm always obnoxious.

"If you roll your eyes at me one more time I'm going to rip them out."

I laugh out loud. "Oh is that right, let's see you try!" I challenge slowly rolling my eyes at her again. She doesn't take the bait. Damn, I hate that she knows what I'm up to. "How do you even know what happened, seriously it was like two minutes ago"

"Puck, text me. Stop changing the subject."

"I don't know if I can tell you, Quinn. I promised someone and if I lose their trust, they won't have anyone to help them through this."

"What if I guess?"

I shrug. "I don't know."

"Then you haven't told me anything at all. Whatever this is San, you're not dealing with it so well on your own. Let me be here for you."

"Who cares about me, Q? This isn't about me, I'm not the one in hell right now."

"_I_ care about you! And no offense hon, but you look pretty close to being in hell. And don't you dare say it's cause you're here with me!" she points her finger at me.

I laugh, "I wasn't going to, but good one."

"Well I know how you like to take any oppurtunity to keep a conversation from getting serious."

"I don't know how to help her Q" I whisper staring at a spot on the floor.

"Were talking about Rachel right?"

My head snaps up in alarm.

"Hey relax, come on lets be serious you wouldn't have spit on her if she were on fire yesterday and now you're her bodyguard, even Brittany knows something's up"

"Watch it, Fabray." No one is allowed to take a cheap shot at Brit, not even Q.

"I'm not slamming Britt, Santana relax. Come on sit down"

"I'm good here" i grumble.

"Santana Marie Lopez! Stop fighting the inevitable. You're going to come over here right now and sit with me on this couch and tell me what's going on so I can help you figure it out."

I give her my best eyebrow raise. "Will you play with my hair?"

She laughs, "Yes now move it before study hall is over"

She ushers me over to the love seat that was used as a prop in our last musical. Her arms find their way around my waist as we sit and I let her pull me into her. I rest my head on her shoulder and humm in contentment as her hand finds its way into my hair. She chuckles as she places a kiss to my head. "So, what's happened with Rachel that's got you crying to Metallica in the locker room and Snix throwing punches before lunch?"

"Mmm?"

"I will stop playing with your hair if you can't concentrate."

"No, no I heard you" I whine. "Quinn, I'm so serious right now, you can't tell another living soul, do you hear me? If you need to talk it out or whatever you come back to me you have no idea the damage this will do if she finds out I said a word."

"I promise. You want me to try and guess?"

"Yes"

"Hmm alright, does it have anything to do with Puck?"

"No, he wasn't the target he just kept getting in the way."

"Can you tell me who the target was, San? I wasn't there to see who was in the classroom."

"Karofsky"

"Shit. Is that why you were looking for Kurt this morning? Is he harrasing him again?"

I sit up and glare at her. "Fuck Kurt!"

"Wow, shit, okay calm down. Come back here." she pulls me back into her arms. "So, Kurt and Karofsky did something to Rachel?"

"Kinda. This is annoying me, I'm just gonna say you pretty much guessed and tell you."

"Alright, I'm listening."

I take her hand thats resting on my waist with mine and interlock our fingers before begining the story.

...

I can hear the clock ticking on the wall and wonder how long it's been since we've both been sitting here silent after I told her what happened, well most of what happened I didn't share the sexual attack part. Her fingers stop running through my hair as she breaks the silence. "San, sit up"

"Why?" Seriously? I'm so comfortable.

"Santana, sit up and look at me."

I sit up with a huff and turn slightly to look at her. She turns on the cushin folding her one leg up underneath her and grabs both of my hands in hers. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know! I told her we have a lot to talk about later after school but I don't know what to say! What do I say? Do I take her to a doctor or shrink? I can't think past the fact I want to fucking destroy him"

"Woah okay, okay calm down honey." she lets go of my hand to wipe a tear that started to slip down my cheek. "You can't do that because you're going to scare her. Any type of violence right now is going to scare her Santana she's traumatized. You're the only person she trusts but you could loose that if you let Snix out. Whatever he did to her, there is no doubt it was violent, if she sees you doing the same thing it's going to trigger the memory of that night. She needs to feel safe with you so she'll continue to open up."

"What am I supposed to do! Quinn seriously, I didn't conciously think 'oh okay I'm going to run over there and destroy him'. I know you think it's a joke but I blacked out, I was hugging her then next I knew Puck was holding me back."

"Puck! You have to tell Puck! If he beats the crap out of him will you be able to control yourself?"

"I can't tell him, it's bad enough I told you."

"No, it isn't bad that you told me, Santana this is huge, you needed to talk to someone. You're not going to be of any help to her if you lose it too."

"I guess, but I can't tell Puck."

"So tell him something else, anything else to get him to go after Dave"

"Hmm, that might work actually." She's grinning at me. "Don't get so smug already, Fabray how to I get her to stop being so scared and like, feel better and shit?"

"I don't know, San, do you think you can help her with that you're not the most talkative, a shrink could help her deal."

"Yeah but she doesn't trust anyone, Q I don't want to force her to talk to someone if she's not comfortable, and she won't be. If I could just figure out a way to get her to relax, she's wound up so tight the smallest thing pushes her over the edge. I'm afraid to breathe wrong around her."

I see an evil little smirk spread across her face. "So, unwind her then."

What the hell is she talking about? "What are you talking about?"

Her eyes are almost twinkling. "She trusts you, right? She's all wound up and needs to relax as you say so...How about Santana do what Santana does best?"

"Didn't we go over this already? I thought I wasn't _allowed_ to seek revenge" I ask completely confused as to where she's going with this.

"No, the other thing." My jaw drops as she bursts out laughing. I let go of both of her hands to slap her repeatedly. "Ouch okay okay I'm sorry!" she shrieks still laughing.

"I can't even believe that shit came outta your mouth, Miss president of the celibacy club! Have you been watching too many pornos with Puck? She's not gay, I'm gonna traumatize her all over again!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I couldn't help myself! It's not like you'd be forcing her or anything, or playing Doctor, I mean unless she wants you to. Ouch! Stop hitting me! Besides, what's this talk of traumatizing her? I thought you were a legend or something." She's giggling all over again. " I don't mean take advantage of her or anything, God Santana!"

"Well how am I supposed to know what you mean, Fabray? You know I'm a legend, ugh I can't even go there! That's so wrong, and after he just forced her to...GOD, does everyone think I'm evil?"

"Evil? Am I missing something? He didn't...oh my God! SANTANA! You didn't tell me!" she's screaming now.

"I was trying to leave her with some sort of dignity, for Chrissakes how was I to know you would go_ there, _Miss Holy roller!_"_

Q's mouth is hanging open in horror. "He raped her? Santana this is really bad, you've got to take her to the police! The doctor at least what if he has something! Or knocked her up, did he even use protection?"

"I-I don't know she didn't say, I've got to ask her that. She's never going to go to the police, besides what's she supposed to say "i think he raped me?"

"What? She doesn't know?"

"She was blacking out because of behing punched and slammed into that damn shed she knows something happened but she's not sure how much and if she's still a virgin." I could feel my eyes tear up. I yank my hands from hers and ball them into fists. "I want him dead, Quinn." I say through gritted teeth.

"Shit. Santana, honey look at me, focus. She has to go to the doctor and get tested, you can't give her an option on that."

"I know I know but isn't there another way where she doesn't have to get, like violated all over again?"

"They can just do the tests, hon, they don't have to check her out but the probally should. Oh my God, I said you could play doctor!" She whines covering her face in her hands. "I'm so going to hell!"

I can't help but chuckle as I pull her hands away from her beat red face. "Q, it's okay you didn't know. I know you didn't mean anything like that you just thought I could make her feel better the way I know how since I suck at this talking thing."

"Yeah, well it sure helped me after I found out I was pregnant."

"Shh shut up! What happened to never bringing that up!"

She laughed, "Aww you're blushing!"

"Am not."

She laughes again as I bring my thumb up to flip her lip out from where it's being crushed by her teeth. "You're gonna draw blood, honey, if you keep biting your lip like that. You can cry if you wanna, it's some pretty sad shit I just told you and I know your all emotional and shit."

"You don't do crying, I can't risk you jumping me in the choir room to shut me up."

I hit her gently in the arms a few times. "I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up about that. You loved every minute of it anyway."

"I never said I didn't"

"Besides, I've been doing a lotta shit I don't normally do these passed few days."

We're both quiet for a few moments."How bad are her bruises?" she says with the serious tone back in her voice.

"Bad. She looks like she was hit by a truck, then mauled by a pit bull"

"That bad?" she whinces.

I nod my head as I feel the tears coming "She has a handprint around her throat, Q."

She lets out what sounds like a growl. "You need to tell Puck, and fast before I kill this kid myself."

"Can I at least get Kurt?" I ask as I feel the tears falling down my cheeks.

She catches them with her thumbs. "Why do you want Kurt so bad, hon?"

"Cause he freakin left her there! He didn't come back for her, Q! He hasn't chekced on her once since that night! I can't get her to talk about him she gets too upset."

"Did she say you couldn't go after Kurt?"

I think about that for a few beats before I answer, "No! You know what she didn't say he was off limits just questioning her about him was!"

"Okay, but remember what I said about being violent around her?"

"What about a quick karate chop to the throat?" I ask her and she laughs.

"If you can do that like a true ninja so that it's so fast she can't see it, why not"

"Like a true ninja? You're such a dork." I smirk. "God, Q this is all so fucked up! I know we picked on Berry a lot but this is differnt. She's fucking harmless and he..he beat the crap out of her." My breath hitches and I know I'm about to start crying.

I look up at the clock. "We should go, or something soon." I say struggling to wipe away the tears as they fall.

"We have five minutes before the bell. Come here honey." She shifts so her legs are both forward again and I snuggle back into her side. "You need to get some sleep too, Santana."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just so worried about her and she has nightmares. Hey, Q?"

"Mm?" she humms as she starts running her fingers through my hair agian.

"Mm, God don't ever stop doing that." I moan. "Thank you, for not letting me push you away and listening."

"You don't have to thank me, S, that's what besties are for. Just, focus on getting Puck to take care of Karofsky, and getting her to a doctor for tests, okay?"

"Then what?"

"Then...we'll go from there. We'll figure it out, okay? One step at a time."

"Kay." Her hand stills in my hair. "Q?"

"Yeah hon?"

"I told you not to stop doing that. Don't make me bring Snix back." She laughs as her fingers start moving through my hair again.


	8. Chapter 7

_**A/N: This is the crap that comes out when you get impatient and write a few chapters further ahead then have to come back and try to fill in the gaps between. Sorry for the long wait for updates this chapter was fighting me all the way. Serious writers block. I'll update soon...since I've written a lot passed this! It will be better, I promise!**_

_**Mistakes are all mine. **_

* * *

The rest of the day pretty much goes the same as every other. Classes are still boring and Cheerios still rule the halls. Rachel has barely said a word to me all day and I'm not enjoying the silence as much as I thought I would.

What is taking her so long-oh there she is! She looks so good in my jeans and- woah holy shit! "Berry!" I yelp. "The coverups worn off, we gotta fix you up. How the hell did it come off? This shit's as good as spray paint!"

"Oh that's probably my fault," she pouts trying to figure out how to place her hand over her neck to cover it. I roll my eyes as it now looks like she's trying to choke her self and hook my arm around her neck instead and stear her into the bathroom. "Thank you. I kept rubbing my neck last period to try to get the knots out. I must have rubbed it off." I park her in front of the mirror and dig through my bag to get the cover up.

"Santana, I realize we haven't spoken much today, and while I still don't wanna get into it here at school I...could you..just..uhm.." I glance up to lock eyes with her reflection in the bathroom mirror when she begins to studder. I'm standing behind her trying to make sure I've covered the bruises. She looks really nervous all of a sudden as I wait patiently for her to continue. This patience shit is hard even when you're trying to be I realize as I catch myself before I let out an irritated huff.

"Berry, relax you can ask me anything" I say hoping it will move her along.

"I just...my shoulders really hurt. I don't think there is one muscle left that isn't in a tight knot. I was just wondering if you could ... you know"

"Help you?" I finish for her. "Give you a massage? Work out those knots? Geez, here I am panicked over what you could be that scared to ask me. Why was that so hard for you to ask?"

"I didn't think you'd want to touch discusting battered Ru-Paul," she says quietly looking down into the sink.

"Woah, now hang on one second" I say a little sharper than I'd intended. I gently grab her by the shoulders and spin her around. "I guess I'm going to have to keep telling you this, but you are no Ru-Paul. And unless I've dreampt the past two days or so I've touched you a lot so what makes you think all of a sudden I wouldn't want to help?" Touched you a lot? Two days without sex does nothing for my vocabulary.

She shrugs. "We're at school, in public, sorta even though were alone anyone can walk in."

I can't help the eyeroll that happens. "I'm going to have to keep saying this too I guess, but I'm not ashamed to be seen with you...do you not remember my public service announcement this morning? Or did I dream that one too?"

She nods and smiles up at me. It's a half smile but I'll take it. "Do you dream about me so frequently that you can't keep track of what's dream and whats reality, Santana Lopez?" she asks in a voice huskier than I've ever heard come out of her.

"I...uh..." Oh my God, speak! I shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes in stead, not trusting myself to make a conherent sentence.

She giggles a little, "So can you help me?" she asks all innocent looking.

I pull her into a hug cause I can't look at those big doe eyes of hers and say no. "Not here baby girl but I promise it's the first thing we do when we get to my place."

She pulls back and hangs her head, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have.."

I cup her chin and guide it up so she looks at me. "Nena, I'm not ashamed to be here with you, and I'm definitely_ not_ discusted by the thought of touching you." Uh, wow did that sound a lot less like a cheesy pick up line in my head than it did just coming out of my mouth! "I mean, I'm scared I'm gonna hurt you, the bruises on your neck are covered up and the shirt is hiding the ones on your back. I don't want to press the wrong spot and hurt you. I need to see what I'm doing, which I can only do with you topless." Okay seriously? I need sexytimes with Brit asap this is all coming out wrong.

Her lips curve into a sly smile and her eyebrow quirks "You-you want me topless?"

Oh no she didn't. "Shut up, you know what I'm trying to say! I don't want anyone walking in to see all your bruises and I am not doing it blindly cause I'll hurt you, and" suddenly I can't look her in the eyes. It might have something to do with the ridiculously sappy shit thats about to come out of my mouth. "and I don't ever want to see you hurt again. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I was the one that did it" I say as fast as possible.

Have you always rambled when you're nervous or worried or have I rubbed off on you already?" she giggles. She tilts my chin up "Look at me, Lopez. I guess_ I'm_ going to have to keep telling _you _this" she mimmicks me with a genuine smile. "You're not responsible for this, you didn't do this to me. I trust that you're not going to hurt me, at least not intentionally. Can you not see that? Since that n-night" she takes a deep breath before continuing. "You are the only person I've let touch me. You saw how I reacted with Puck this morning. Even Brittany, she tried to hug me in third period and I froze she thought she'd hurt me and started crying. I feel safe with you."

**RACHEL**

I've never seen the side of Santana that I've seen the passed few days. Britt always swore we didn't know the real Santana, that she was a good person. She's even gone so far as to yell at us when we've had enough of Santana's nasty comments and tell her where she can go. I never understood how such a sweet girl could be so delusional and wrong about someone she spends so much time with, until now. Turns out we're the delusional idiots, we were the ones missing out by not having the courage to push past her walls or even try to get to know the real Santana behind the vicious words.

It's breaking my heart to see all the guilt in her eyes. I wish she could see that she didn't break me. I'm not_ that_ fragile. Yes, her words have hurt me in the passed but it's not like every night I went home and cried because of her, most days they barely phased me. There's always those days when your defenses are down and they get passed the walls and sting a little bit. She truely thinks she's a terrible person, and suddenly it makes sense that "satan" is what makes Brittany start acting more like Santana than the bubbly blonde we all love.

The giggle I've let out after telling her I've rubbed off on her turns into the first true genuine laugh I've had in far too long when her eyes widen and jaw drops in mock horror. It's probally more like true horror, the thought of turning into me must be pretty high on her list of worst fears.

"I can't believe you just said that" she huffs in annoyance, but I see that smirk she's failing miserably to hide. She's completely avoiding everything I've said up until that comment. Convienent and typical of Santana, but I'm not letting her dodge this one. My laugher dies down and I cup her cheek with only my one hand since I can't move my other arm.

"Did you hear me, Santana? I need you to believe me when I'm telling you you did not do this to me, you didn't break me. I trust you not to hurt me. It may not look like it yet, because honestly it's going to take me a while, but you're healing me. You're strength is going to help me get through this. I know you're not going to let me shut down, and die inside which I must be honest is really really tempting some times."

"Wait, It is?" she cuts me off grabbing my hand off her cheek and lacing her fingers wtih mine. "You want to just want to let this darkness swallow you whole? You can't give up!"

I nod, and let go of her hand briefly to swipe the pad of my thumb under her eyes to catch the tears that are about to fall. "Don't cry, cause you're going to make me cry." I say feeling my eyes water. "I do feel the urge to do that yes, but I know that if I resist that urge and live through this storm inside of me you'll be there to make sure it doesn't kill me. I know that sounds dramatic, but it feels like if I let myself feel all of this that it'll be unbareable. Shh Santana, please don't be upset let me finish!"

"Well stop dragging out the monologe for God sakes then!" She says tears spilling out of her eyes. I've noticed the more upset she gets the snappier she gets.

I roll my eyes at her. "You're being here makes it bareable. It hurts a little bit less than it did and I'm a little less scared of facing it all. Not much, but a little and I know the more time goes on with you here I can make it through this. Thats why I keep asking if it's a joke or you're going to leave me. It's not that I don't believe you that you're not that cruel. I ask because it's those times when it feels like this all is too much, the memories are too vivid, the wounds too fresh and too deep. I don't want to check out, I want to get through this but it's tempting yes of course because feeling all this, emotion you love so much is agony and sometimes I don't think I can take one more moment of it. Then there you are and I can breathe a little bit easier. If you left I'd never get through, I know you think I'm strong but there's only so much the human heart can handle and this, this all was too much, too many securities were taken from me that night. So I need to know in those moments that if I let the next wave hit me, that you'll still be there, cause if not I'd need to know then so I could dissapear and shut down before it hits me. I realize I did just give quite the monologe, and I do apologize, I know how much you hate them. I'm not great at bullet points or getting to the point as you so often encourage me to but I'll work on it because I need you Santana. I need you here, I need you to hold me and be everything that you are that you hide from the rest of the world."

"Well, damn" she says wiping the tears from her eyes. "Why..what..uh what is it exactly that makes you feel like you wanna just check out? Do you know?"

I think about it a few moments before answering her, "Not knowing exactly what happened. The fact that he does know ...everything...he did to me is humiliating." I reach up to swipe the tears that fall a little quicker.

She huffs and rolls her watery eyes. "Allergies, Berry. Santana Lopez doesn't cry."

"Berry allergy?" I smirk.

"Shut up. That was really bad." she chuckles. "I'm not... I'm not good with words, or any of this. I don't know how I can possibly be helping you. I'm a protector and a fighter, but you won't let me kill him. I could beat the memory right outta him if you'd let me," she pouts at me with watery eyes. Damn, I've never found her particulary difficult to say no to but it is difficult now.

"Because you're better than him, Santana. You don't need to use your fists."

"Except that I do! He needs to be broken, humiliated .." I hold up my hand to stop her.

"Shhh, don't change the topic and get angry because you don't know what to say. It's okay, I know how you feel, I can see it in your eyes. You don't have to talk in long monologues or blab on and on about feelings like I do. It doesn't make you hard or a bad person, it's who you are. I said I need you. I don't need you to change, I need you just as you are. You do protect me, you walk me to class, your public service announcement and threat to kill anyone who even looks at me in a way you dislike. You hold me when I need you to, and I don't even have to ask you to sometimes you just know. You're pretty incredible and different, so different from me but that's what I need. I don't want someone feeding me bullshit lines, pardon my french, and hovering all over me. There is a reason out of everyone you're the only one I let hold me. You're brutal honesty is what makes it easy for me to trust you. I don't want to be treated like glass cause then I'll start believing I'm made of it and I'll never heal."

"Jesus Berry we need to lay off the here a little bit. Aren't I supposed to be the one saying this shit to you?"

"No. Do you even listen!"

She huffs in annoyance. "Yeah, yeah I listen, you want me to be myself. It's just difficult to believe that I can actually do any good being myself. And for the record that is the longest I've ever listend to you so a little appreciation would be nice."

I shake my head. She's such a child and I'm not taking the bate to veer off this uncomfortable topic. "That can't be true. I have heard many people thank you for your help or assistance."

She throws her head back in a typical Santana style laugh. "Oh Rach, you're really adorable and so very naive. The _assistance_ I give them is always one of two things, or both depending on my mood. It's either revenge or sex. I'm not good with words, everyone knows that, but I'm good at sex and evil schemes. So .."

My jaw drops and I'm horrified. "They use you?"

"I..no..they..."

"Santana, you are most certainly not good for sex"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I...that did not come out properly at all. I'm sure you're quite good at that, or so I've heard."

"oh yea?" she's grinning like an idiot. "From who? What'd they say"

"Lets put the teenage boy away for a few minutes shall we? You're going to have to listen to this one last mushy moment then I'll allow you to change the subject. That's a terrible thing, to think that is the only reason they come to you. You're good for so much more than just sex. You truely think you're the devil, don't you?"

"You yourself so lovingly refer to me as Satan" she shrugs.

"I'm sorry I ever said that. You may choose to look at your 'assistance' as a physical release of sorts however I cannot believe everyone else does. Can I ask you a question about it?" She's grinning at me so I assume that's a yes. "Afterwards, do they just thank you and leave?"

Whoops. She looks angry. "I thought you told me you were sorry for the stripper remark!"

"I don't mean it like that for heaven sakes! Besides whores sleep with people for money strippers dis-robe for entertainment. Answer the question, what happens immediately afterwards?"

"I- I can't believe you know the difference! And seriously? Disrobe?" she muses. I swear if she doesn't answer me..."Depends" she says with a huff after seeing my glare. "The girls usually want me to hold them till they fall asleep or some sappy cuddly shit like that. Look, it's not like I've slept with the whole school you know. I know it may sound like that and I may word it that way, but just so you know it hasn't been that many. Besides, with girls I'm not the one having sex so it doesn't count."

I smile at her and she looks confused. It's kind of adorable how clueless she is, heartbreakingly so, since she truely thinks horribly of herself. "You're more than just sex, you just proved my point. They want you to hold them because you make them feel safe like you do for me. They can relax and float away cause they feel protected."

"Relaxing and floating away after sex is usually due to a mind blowing orgasm. More than likely, Berry, though I appreciate the try, I'm just that good and they're too exhausted to move" I groan in annoyance and she surprises me. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to people thinking much of me. Sure I'm everybody's girl for a good lay or to give someone a beat down. I'm uncomfortable so I deflect it's just me being me, remember Berry you like that," she says squeezing her hand in mine.

"I do. I don't like you thinking so little of yourself though. Back to what I was saying before you interrupted, no, my monolouge is not done but almost I promise! You're not known for pretending to like people people when you don't and when you're annoyed you let it be known." She cuts me off...again.

"I already said I was a bitch."

"Would you kindly shut up and let me finish? I could have been done a long time ago if you'd just let me finish." I smile and shake my head at her as she huffs and crosses her arms, putting distance between us. Not much, but it's obvious this is making her uncomfortable, but I don't care, she's going to hear it wheather she likes it or not. "Due to the fact you don't pretend to get along with people you don't like it's very comforting and makes one feel very protected and safe to know the great Santana Lopez actually can stand them enough to not just have sex with them because she thinks it's the only way she can best make someone feel better but actually stay with them afterwards and hold them until they fall asleep or provide whatever comfort she can. Please, do not respond. I know you're just dying to provide some self depricating responce but frankly I've heard enough of that out of you for one afternoon. We still need to speak about what happened this morning but I'd prefer to postpone that, seeing as you have successfully managed to get me to talk the whole way through what should have been my history class. We can discuss it, then I will allow you to give me a massage to make up for it."

She's grinning wickedly at me, clearly amused as well as I assume grateful I have ended the torture of having to listen to me ranting about emotions. Her smile fades too fast for my liking and takes mine with it. "Thank you" she says practically pouting at me. I lean towards her and she meets me half way wrapping me up in her arms. "This makes you feel safe, huh?"

"Mmm hmm" I hum into her chest where my head is tucked right under her chin.

"Alright then. Listen I've gotta get to Cheerios practice, I have to be the first one there or Coach will comeplete destroy me and throw me to the bottom of the pyramid, and I won't be able to protect you as well then."

"You have practice again? You just had what looked like a grueling experience before sunrise today!"

She pulls back from me and smiles softly. "I don't know if you've met Sue, but she could really care less about anything besides winning nationals and herself."

"I don't like her."

She laughs, "I know, nena. The only person that likes that woman is herself. Will I see you in Glee?"

"Of course!" I say shocked she'd even ask me that.

She laughs, "You're already perfect, you can miss a practice or two. You need to rest. Where are you going until then? Classes are over."

I smile. "I enjoy the distraction singing provides. I always head to the library to study."

"Absolutely not" she shakes her head.

"What? Why not?"

"Because I can't look out for you there, who knows who is lurking."

"I highly doubt he even knows the location of the library Santana."

"No, I'm not risking something happening or someone saying something to you without me there to protect you. You're coming to Cheerios practice, you can sit up on the bleachers and you your studying."

"Oh, I am huh?"

"Yup, cause you like when I'm all protective and shit so this is me being my big bad protective self. Enjoy it." she smirks at me. "Then after Glee we can go back to my house for your massage?"

"And talk, Santana you're not weaseling out of that just because we spent an hour bonding in the bathrooms."

She rolls her eyes at me. "Fine, fine you can let me have it, but there's something I need to talk to you about too which I don't think you're gonna like any more than I'm going to enjoy your talk with me."

I sigh heavily not liking the sound of that at all. It's been so nice to not feel crushed by the weight of burodn for the last hour, I'm not looking forward to feeling it again. "Will you lay with me and hold me afterward?" I say quietly. Sure, I trust her, and I know now she'd do anything to help me and actually seems to enjoy being able to comfort me but this still is Santana Lopez after all that I'm asking ot hold me like I'm a child.

"All night if you need me to, baby girl" she smiles bringing me into her arms again. "Oh my God you're a sap" I joke. "Just wait till you're all healed baby girl I will tickle the shit out of you for that one." Placing a kiss to the top of my head she lets go, looks over my neck one last time to make sure it's all covered up and heads off to Cheerios after she reluctanty agrees to let me meet her there in a few minutes. Her Mom really nailed it when she said she's a sucker for damsels in distress.

I turn around and stare at myself in the mirror. When she scanned my neck all the shit that had dissapeard the last hour was back. I wish I knew what happened, at least I could put an end to the endless senarious that constantly run through my head. Much like my incesent need to ramble these senarious never stop. When Brit grabbed me in one of her crushing bear hugs aside from tearing up from the pain of all my bruises and fractures I heard his voice instead of hers and the motion of her hands on my back felt like his rough large hands running all over me. I completely froze and I know I scared her, she's so sweet she had no idea what she could have done to me. I probally should have told Santana a little bit more about that, maybe she could find a way to explain it to Brittany. She might not know all the right comforting words to say to everyone else but she's always been able to speak to Brittany in a way the girl understands and responds to; which is no small feat let me assure you.

* * *

**SANTANA**

"So, have you talked to her about it yet?" Q whispers in my ear as we're pretending to listen to Sue screaming about how much we suck through her giant megaphone. I'm staring at Rachel up on the top bleechers books fanned out all around her writing furiously. How can she concentrate in here? "No, not yet" I whisper back. "Tonight when she comes over." I say getting the feeling Q is about to start lecturing me.

"Do it soon, and eyes front you creep your staring at her."

"Huh? Oh shut up. Look at her she's so innocent. We're horrible people."

"No, she's forgiven you. He is horrible stop getting the two of you confused."

"Teen statistic? Sandbags? You got something to say about horrible you're last number was?" My head snaps forward. My mouth opens then quickly closes as I hear Q speak up. Thank God cause all that was gonna come outta mine was a string of Spanish curses. My eyes shift quickly to Rachel who is now watching and I smile quickly then return my focus to Sue. I don't know what Q said but Sue looks oddly satisfied before shouting "50 suicides both of you everybody else get the hell out of my gym."

"Oh God." I grumble. Q lets out a long sigh.

"Its alright , we've already done like 1000 today whats 50 more? We got this." This is exactly why she is the youngest member to make head Cheerio. She was designed for this, but I'll never admit outloud.

The locker room was now empty except for Brittany when Q and I stumbled in after our suicides. Brittany's sitting on the bench in front of my locker, head down, and a pout on her face. My heart jumps to my throat. "Britt Britt whats wrong, honey?" I quickly move to sit next to her and rub her back. She doesn't respond. "Britt, look at me" I tilt her head by her chin turning it to face mine. "Hey, whats wrong beautiful why the pout?"

"Are you going to kill me?"

"What? I would never hurt you, why would you say that."

"You said you'd kill anyone who hurt Rachel."

"I'm sure you didnt hurt her honey, tell me what happened." I can see tears filling up her blue eyes "Does this have anything to do with the hug you gave her earlier today?"

She nods getting more upset. "Honey please don't cry" I pull her into me and she burries her head into my neck crying softly. "Shhh Britt talk to me why do you think you hurt her?"

"She -she-looked s-so sad when K-kurt was trying to talk to her" My whole body goes ridgit before I can stop it. "Like you just did oh no! I hurt you to!" She tries to pull away but I hold on tight.

"No, shhhh, calm down sweetie, that was muscle spasm from all thos windsprints."

"I just wanted to give her a hug and thought maybe Kurt would go away then..then she did just what you did! San it felt like i was hugging a board, and then I heard her whimper like she was hurt. I didn't think I held her that tight, I-I Im so sorry San" She's fully crying now clinging to my waist. I rock us slightly placing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Shhh calm down you didn't hurt her, okay? I'll explain everything but I need you to calm down for me first okay?"

"I-I'm trying!" She hiccups into my neck. I don't respond knowing she'll only keep talking and never calm down.  
"What's going on?" Quinns worried voice breaks through the sounds of Brittanys cries. Quinn sits on the other side of Britt rubbing her back and giving me a worried questioning look.

"She gave Rachel a hug earlier, Rachel tensed up and she thinks she hurt her and I'm going to kill her. And Kurt was there, talking to Rachel. Kurt made her upset. Kurt fucking talked to her and she didn't fucking tell" I'm silenced by Quinn squeezing one of my hands that's resting on Britts back.

"Breathe, Santana." She says firmly staring holes through me. Easy for her to say I scoff in my head.

"Britt, honey" I say coaxing the girl out of my arms so I can look her in the eyes. "You didn't hurt her, I've been protecting her because people here have taken their bullying of her to a level I think is too high. Slushies and name calling is one thing but people keep jumping out from behind things and scaring her. She's so jumpy she jumps at any kind of noise and she probally didn't know you were about to hug her so you frightened her." I say realizing how pathetic that explanation was when I see Quinns signature eyebrow raise. I shrug at her quickly when Britt looks away from me. What? I mean hello I'm still stuck on the Kurt thing and I'm seriously the only one that can speak the language of Britt. I'm surprised Britt hasn't asked me why there is fire coming out of my eyes because it sure feels like there is. She seems to be thinking about it then answers

"So, you're not going to kill me?" She says in a small voice.

"No,. baby girl I could never hurt you."

"And I didn't hurt Rachie?" I smile at her innocence.

"No sweetie, just startled her thats all, but that's not your fault I should have told you what was going on before."

"Yes, you should have." she says seriously. I see Quinn smile at this responce and struggle to hide my own. Britt turns around giving Quinn a bone crushing hug. "Thank you" she says sweetly to her before giving me the same treatment and skipping out of the locker room mumbling something about taking Lord tubbington to his alcohol awareness classes. I roll my eyes at Quinn with a smile.

"She's something else" Q says with a small laugh.

"Yeah she is." I smile. She puts an hand on my shoulder scooting down the bench to put it around my shoulders.

"Talk to me, you're eyes are practically red with anger."

"Fucking Kurt" I huff laying my head on her shoulder.

She sighs. "I know, I'm just going to say this one time because this is your call but I really wish you'd wait until Rachel's comfortable enough to tell you the whole story with him. I don't want to think about her having even more to deal with emotionally if you go after Kurt. If you don't kill him completely and he says something to her..."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "You're right. God I hate that you're right. But you are, damnit."

She chuckles kissing the top of my head. "You're welcome. I think. Come on sandbags, Rachels not gonna give you any less grief if your late for Glee just because you're moving heaven and earth to protect her." I tense up as all the air leaves my lungs. My arm grabs Quinns before it can move from my shoulders.

"Breathe, honey." She says calmly. "There you go. In and out." When my breathing evens out I slump over head in hands, I feel completely ridicuous and not in control of my own body. Fuck that is some scary shit. I hope to God I don't ever drown! "What happened that made you almost have a panic attack?" she asks gently rubbing my back.

"I forgot about Glee. I can't ...I can't..." Its starting to get difficult to breathe again.

She guides my chin up "Look at me, calm down. No one is going to make you go, Santana but can you tell me why you say you can't?"

" I can't go and sit in the same room at Kurt, Q. I can't...Rachel told me that Glee's the one thing she looks forwards to now. I don't want to take that away from her. " Quinn is frowning at me.

"Are you sure you can't just..."

"I know myself." I say interrupting her. "And I know that right now, there is no way I'll be able to control my anger. I'm too fucking tired but I can't leave her either, I promised her I would be there since I couldn't talk her out of going."

"Hey, I'll look out for her, you go home and go right to bed. I'll drive her home."

"I can't, she doesn't trust anyone and she's not going to understand why you're being nice to her.'

"Well that's why I'm going to go bring her out into the hallway to talk to you. Just be honest hon, tell her you don't want to take Glee away as a safe place for her, and you know there's no way you're going to be able to avoid a fight. She'll respect the truth. Tell her you have ordered me to watch out for her wether or not I want to, I'll play the part right don't worry. Then tell her I'll drive her home to you."

I don't know about this.

"Santana you look like you haven't slept in days. You're not gonna be much help to her if you're a zombie. Go home."

I throw my arms around her "Thank you so much. I'm so glad we're friends again, I don't know how I'd get through any of this without you."

Rachel was surprisingly accepting of the idea that Quinn would take her home. She did seem a little nervous at first but I guess I look more like shit than I thought cause she actually muttered "thank God!" when Q said I was going home to sleep.

I have no idea what time it is as I wake up to complete darkness starving to death. I go to slowly peel myself off my bed but seem to be trapped. I turn my head to look over my shoulder to see someone snuggled in behind me, arm drapped around my waist. Their hair smells like lavender and not strawberries so it must be Rachel. "Hey" she whispers quietly, making no effort to move. "Hi" I say not fully awake. I roll over to face her glad that her arm stays draped over my waist. I brush the hair back from her face. "Are you hungry?"

"Mmmm"

"I take that as a yes. You still a vegan?"

Her eyes open. "Yes..how did you.."

I roll my eyes. "Please, you think I don't remember Jesse St Jerkoff making an omlet on you?"

She scowls. "Asshole" That makes me laugh outloud.

"I can't make any promises as to what I can come up with but I promise whatever it is will be vegan-friendly."

She smiles and lifts her arm up so I can get up. "I'm just gonna..*yawn* ..stay here and keep your bed warm *yawn*" Suddenly her eyes fly open scaring me half to death. "Unless you're ready to talk about Snix!" I roll my eyes and rest my hand over my heart. "Seriously? Only you would get that excited over the prospect of another monologe. No, thank you I like to cook in peace."

Her eyes close and I turn and walk out the door but not before I hear "Wow, two big words in one sentence"

My hand rests on the doorframe as I spin in place. "'Suse me? Just caus I's from da hood don't mean we don't haf to take dem SATs too" Ouch! She threw a pillow at me! "Thats it Berry...pillow fight is going on the list of shit to do to you once you're all better." I turn and leave before she can respond.

* * *

**Up next...Santana sends Puck after Karofsky =)**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Finally...the chapter where Karofsky's dealt with...So again if it's a trigger for you please don't read! **

**I don't own glee.**

* * *

**SANTANA**

We had a decent variety of fresh veggies so I was able to whip her up a decent stir fry. "Oh my God San this tastes like...food..yummy food", as she so politely put it. I was just as polite with my retort about my skills extending beyond the use of pom poms. Anyway, I let her get off her chest how she felt when I went all Snix on Karofsky and made me feel all bad and shit. I'll spare you the long boring emotional details of that marathon monologue. I get where she's coming from I mean, I did promise to try and it didn't really look like I had made an "honest effort" since I broke the promise an hour or so after making it. Much to my surprise she also understood where I was coming from it was the first I'd seen him since finding out what he'd done to her. By the grace of God I was able to stop myself from mentioning his leering at her was what set me off as all that woulda done was upset her. Ironically enough these days I'm trying my damnedest NOT to upset her. Life is funny sometimes.

"Shirt and bra off then lay face down on the bed lil D Ima go gets my shit" I call over my shoulder as I head to my bathroom to grab some Tiger Balm. "Little D?" I hear her ask.

"Little Diva, I'm trying to pick a new slightly nicer nickname for you" I yell back.

"Oh, I kinda like little D." The laugh dies in my throat as I reenter my bedroom. The purple bruising had turned an angry yellowish color. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and made my way over to the bed, crawled over and straddled her hips. "I really wish you'd refine your ghetto speak. You are quite intelligent but your way of speaking prevents people from knowing that. Come to think of it that's probaly why you do it isn't it? Um, Santana are you alright back there?"

"I... um sorry... you sure about this, baby girl? I don't know if I can find a spot that won't hurt you." my voice comes out much smaller than usual. She cranes her neck around to look at me over her shoulder, but only gets half way before her eyes slam shut and a pained noise escapes her lips. I bite nervously on my lower lip as her eyes open with tears in them.

"Please, it can't possibly hurt worse than this" she says trying to give me an encouraging smile.

I take a deep breath as I begin at the base of her neck slowly and with hardly any pressure I start massaging the balm into her skin. Her neck is like one fucking knot, I don't know how she can walk around holding up her head with that amount of tension. "Harder" she whispers. I bite back my urge to ask if shes sure and just go with it. She's making these moaning sounds every once in a while that are seriously scrambling my brains. I'm struggling to stay focused on working out her muscles but then she moans "Oh my Goodddd! What is this stuff..it's amazing!" she says with a little more air around the last word than normal. Seriously, how am I supposed to concentrate and control the reactions my body is having when she's talking in moans and breathy whispers?

I'm not sure how long I've been at this but my hands are starting to ache and I haven't heard her moan in a few minutes. I lean over to see her face. Aww she's sound a sleep looking like an angel. I slowly climb off of her and go wash my hands. I return a few minutes later with a smile upon seeing her right where I left her face down on the bed. I can't leave her like that all greased up and half naked so "Hey, wake up baby girl" I say, gently brushing the hair from one side of her head to the other exposing her neck.

"mm?" is her only reply.

"I need you to sit up just a little bit so I can put you to bed okay?"

"mm good"

"No, honey come on." I gently tug her to see if that gets her moving. With an unhappy grunt and a one eyed glare, she slowly moves so she's kneeling eyes both now closed and a big unhappy pout on her face. I can't help but laugh at her stubbornness as quickly slip a cheer shirt on her and guide her down under the covers. She snuggles in and lets out a happy little moan when I lean down and kiss her temple. I smooth her hair back and go to leave when a pained little noise stops me. "Whats wrong baby girl?"

"Stay snuggle" she grumbles.

I crawl in behind her wrap my arms around her tiny waist and pull her back into my chest. She lets out a happy little sigh again and I think I'd do just about anything to keep hearing that sound. I place a kiss to her shoulder and whisper "Sweet dreams baby girl" And she makes that glorious little sound again.

I wake up a little disoriented. The sun is setting and my arms are wrapped protectively around the sleeping diva. She doesn't look as peaceful as I'd like her to. Her brow is furrowed slightly and although she's definately relaxed into my arms I know she'll never fully get over this until she knows what happened to her. There's only one real way to find that out and I think now is the perfect time for me to try and do that. I slowly move my one arm from around her waist to turn on my back. I reach for my phone on the nightstand careful not to jar her too much and shoot Puck a text.

**S: Yo Fuckerman needa favor. You in the mood to flex them muscles a bit?**

**P: Always 4 U**

**S: Fighting not fucking**

**P: Damn. Still yes. Name & social security number.**

I laugh out loud. Whata dork.

**S: Karofsky.**

**P: Requests? broken balls...broken face...?**

**S: ur not gonna ask y?**

**P: Nah ur my girl**

**S: ask him if he got lucky w/that chick ur party Friday. Then break everything no matter what his answer.**

**P: Call u when it's done**

Damn, he's kinda the best muscle a girl could ask for. I didnt even have to make a story up or anything. I really wanna be there for this.

**S: pick me up first? Ima need ta watch so Snix is satisfied and doesn't try n rip his heart out in homeroom**

**P: be there in 1min**

One minute? Where the fuck is he? I slowly detangle myself from Rachel placing a few kisses to her temple cause seriously she looks so damn cute and finally relaxed. "I'll be back in a bit, baby girl you sleep okay?" She groans and I take that as a groan of approval but leave a note on my pillow just in case.

_Little D,_

_Went to Pucks to help him with his Spanish paper. I'll be back soon. Help yourself to whatever you want, k? Call me if you need me._

_~San_

* * *

I climb into the truck and he steps on the gas before I can even click my seatbelt.

"Damn Puckerman anxious are we?"

He smirks at me. "I hate this punk. Besides, haven't seen you this fired up in a long time."

"Were you like stalking me or something? Why the hell were you practically in my driveway already when I texted you."

"In your dreams, S. I was on my way to the liquor store."

"Dreams? Ha you mean my nightmares."

In a matter of minutes the truck comes to a screeching halt at what I'm assuming is across the street from Karofsky's house. As much as this is killing me my ass stays in the car as Puck stomps up to Karofskys front door. His parents are never home apparently Puck knows shit like this for reasons I don't wanna know. Probably has something to do with the fact he's been in Juvi and few times. I can't help but laugh as he is truely stomping and he's so angry God bless him he doesn't even know why he's supposed to be hating this kid. He's kinda the best wing man ever. I consider myself a pretty damn good one too but you bet your ass I'd have tried a little harder to get some info outta him. Perhaps this is the difference between chicks and dudes or maybe he is the better wing man, either way I'm glad he's mine.

Karofsky answers the door and I see Puck point to something on his front lawn I assume as a way to get him outta his house. This puts me directly in his line of sight so I quickly duck down muttering some Spanish curses. He might be the best wing man but he sure as shit isn't the smartest sometimes. Just having seen his smug ugly ass face has my blood pressure reaching dangerously high levels. Slowly I sit up to making sure they're no longer looking my direction. My phone goes off causing me to jump so high I nearly hit my head on the roof. "Fucking shit!" I gasp hand clutching my rapidly beating heart.

"Hello?" they say when I click accept. I'm about to answer when I look Pucks way and see how aggitated he's getting. Karofsky for his part seems just as agitated. Not a smart move buddy. He appears to be verbally fighting back just as hard as Puck is. Damnit I shoulda had Puck wired! I need to know what they're saying.

"HELLO It's terribly rude to answer your phone if you intend to ignore the person on the other end of the line Santana Lopez!"

Huh? Shit! "Ra-Rachel!" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Obviously. Is this a bad time?"

"Uh...no, of course not just um not good with the multitasking thing.

"What are you doing?"

"Hmm?" I can't stay focused on the conversation while I'm trying to figure out whats going on outside.

"You know what sorry I'll just go."

"No! No, I'm sorry. I'm all ears, what's up?"

"I should go.."

"Rachel! Please"

"I was just wondering where you were and if I should go home since you're not at your house it's a little weird being here. I don't want your family to freakout to come home to find a stranger in their house."

"You're hardly a stranger honey, Mama adores you. Didn't you get my note?"

"Yeah, just wanted to know when you'd be back and if I should wait? I know how much help Puck can need I don't want you to rush through it just cause I'm here. I could go home.."

"This is the last time Ima say this. Ima be home in an hour or less and your cute ass better be there waitin for me! We gots some things to chat about then how about we watch a light funny movie."

"A musical!" She practically sings into the receiver thankfully ignoring my remark about her cute ass.

"If you can find one in my house ...I guess I could."

"No need I brought my favorites from home."

"Of course you did" I huff rolling my eyes.

She's giggling like a kid and I can't help but smile. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and turn just in time to see Pucks fist connect with Karofsky's face. "Fuck!" I unintentionally say outloud.

"Whats wrong?" she gasps.

"N-nothin. Just Pucks little sister. I gotta go finish up here, k Rach? I'll be home soon. Rest up cause you aint' getting outta this talk with any of your cute little pouts or tired little whiney noises."

"Darn, I didn't realize you were on to me already. See you soon."

I hit about 8 buttons at once hoping one of them has disconnected the call as I'm unable to peal my eyes away from the scene across the street. My arms are folded across my chest and my legs are bouncing up and down uncontrolably. This is sheer hell having to watch and not join in on the fun.

I let out a few groans of frustration and some spanish curses for good measure. Patience is not a virtue I've been blessed with. I'm sitting here trying to convince myself Puck has it handled and not jump out of the truck and tackle the jerkoff. I can't…I can't fucking sit here and watch him have all the fun. Snix wins the internal battle and I scramble outta the car just as Pucks' fist connect with Karofskys face for the third time finally taking the idiot down.

"Help" Karofsky pleads in my direction once I've reached the sidewalk. Recognition flickers in his eyes when they focus and all the hope drains out of his face. I can't help but smile. I move closer to Karofsky laughing a little as I take in the scene before me. Puck's standing over Karofsky whose bawling like a baby. His arms are protecting his ribs which are probally broken now or close to it so I decide to aim my first kick to his manhood.

"Jesus S!" Puck jumps never having seen me coming."How's it feel, huh? Getting the shit beat outta you by someone stronger than you? Wondering if they're gonna stop in time or beat you to death? Was it worth it? What you did to her?"

"I'm sorry" he cries.

"Nah I dont think you are yet, but you will be. You best believe me when I say starting now if you even breathe her direction let alone make her uncomfortable in any way I..._kick_.. will _kick_ castrate _kick_ you" I hiss leaving him with one final kick to the groin.

"What was his answer" I growl at Puck.

"Forgot to ask" Puck mumbles. My head turns to Puck so fast I damn near give myself wip lash.

"WHAT!" I scream. "God damnit do I have to do everything myself!"

"Chill out!"

"HEY" I yelled kicking Karofsky. "Look the fuck up here. Nah up a little higher you fucking pervert!" I have no control over my foot that kicks him in the side of the head for that. I know he's gay so I don't know what the fuck he's playing at with that move. "You're gonna answer something for me and so help me if you lie to me, I'll leave Puckerman here to finish you off and tell everyone why you really pick on Hummel. You got me?" I ask conveying how serious I am about blowing the lid off his secret with my eyes.

He makes a pathetic whining noise and nods his head. "That girl Friday night, how far did you get exactly? Don't even think about denying it, fucker and don't mention names or describe her in any way."

I can feel Pucks stare boring into me. "What the fuck Santana? Who gives a shit?"

"Shut it, Puckerman. Answer the question asshole"

"I—we just you know messed around a-little" he whines averting his gaze from mine.

I close my eyes and take a few breaths trying to lower my blood pressure. I restrain myself to one kick to his ribs because I don't wanna prevent him from being able to answer me the right way. "There was no WE she never fucking gave you consent and you know it this is your last fucking chance. Puckerman, go get the bat outta your trunk." God bless the idiot following along knowing he doesn't have one in there.

Karofskys eyes go impossibly wide. "Okay okay fuck it was all me I kinda flipped out."

"I'm losing my patience. Did you rape her yes or no" I demand once Pucks outta ear shot. He looks terrified, as he should. "Don't you fucking lie to me"

He shakes his head no. "No-no I didn't uh…get the..no"

"didn't get the chance to!" I shriek I'm barely holding Snix back. I need to finish this conversation fast. "She's a fucking virgin you asshole! Not that it's ever okay. Wait…you had to have done something cause she's in a lot of pain..there" I press my foot down on his throat but not hard enough that he can't talk.

"I started but ... s-she should still be a virgin ..please..god please don't kill me. I was t-trying to prove I was straight."

"Shut up. shut your fucking mouth you …" not being able to think of a word I spit on him instead. "Your fucking gay get over it that's no fucking excuse to destroy a innocent girl." I say moving my heel from his neck to his junk and moving all my weight to balance on him. He's screaming at this point and since his screech is so high it sounds like it's going to shatter glass. I walk down his ribs and stop to stand one foot on his chest and one on his throat. "Shut up. I should kill you for this. You're going to go to the doctor tomorrow and get a full screen of diseases and all that shit you coulda passed to her and give it to me. You have until after school tomorrow. Oh and one more question." I hiss stepping on his face then off to the grass. " Did you get off inside her?"

He stops coughing and gasping for air and I swear I just saw all the color drain outta his swollen and bloody face. "I- I -think so" he says starting to cry. "I lost it Santana I couldnt' have her telling anyone!" I cover my face with my hands and scream in frustration. "Shut the fuck up. SHUT UP! You forget who you're talking to? We're in the same boat. I would have never..." I don't have the words to finish so I settle for spitting on him again as I see Puck's almost made it back to where I'm standing over Karofsky.

"Let's go" I look up at Puck and let out a laugh seeing him standing there with a bat. I raise an eyebrow. "There was no bat in your trunk Puckerman"

He shrugs with a stupid grin. "Found it?"

"Yeah, right lets go."

"One swing?" He pouts.

I turn to look at Karofsky hearing his words in my head didn't get the chance. "Get his knees, quick gimmie your keys. Oh hang on I almost forgot something" I reach into my pocket and pull out my mace. With an evil smirk on my face I spray the shit outta his eyes.

He's screaming impossibly louder. I turn to head toward the car when he shrieks Kurts name stopping me dead in my tracks. "Wait!" I shout as puckermans about to bring the bat down. "The fuck you say?"

He's rolling back and forth in agony it must be near impossible for him to talk bout he shouldn't have just dropped that name like he did if he wanted to die in peace. I walk back over so i'm standing over him. He's gasping for breath from the pepper spray "he ..came back...didn't...stop...me" I let out a loud scream. "Lets go!" i yell at puck. "What wait I didn't get to.."

"Don't worry you're gonna use that bat but on Kurt instead." He's jogging to catch up to me. "I don't hit girls"he says seriously. I turn around causing him to stop before colliding with me. I yank the bat from his hands. "Well I fucking do," I hiss jumping into the truck.

"S, we can't get Kurt tonight the whole Hummel-Hudson clan will be home."

"Shit."

"Don't worry I'll talk to Finn tomorrow and get him to give up a family schedule. He'll think I'm interested. He's an idiot. Your gonna need an alibi," Puck says once we've rounded the corner onto a new street.

I hadn't thought about that. "I'm not going home with you." I state.

He huffs "Fine, but still you should probably not go home."

"Yeah" I sigh.

"Britt?"

"Wheels" I reply rolling my eyes.

"So you wanna tell me what that was?"

"Nope."

"New friend Berry?"

"She's at my house. Not gonna work for an alibi she's not great with the lying thing. She'd be able to tell down to the second what time I arrived and how long I've been gone. She's just wired all weird like that."

"Berry's at your house?"

"Yep. Long stupid story. Nothin interestin."

"Kay. I'll call Q?" He's looking at me with his eyebrow up all curious and shit.

"Yeah call Q." 5 minutes later I pull into the Fabray estate. I don't know if it's seriously an estate but you should see this shit with its Iron gates and all it looks fucking terrifying, if you ask me. I hate that she lives here.

"Thanks dude" I say pounding his bloody knuckles.

"Anytime" he winces slightly. "Hey S?"

"Yep?" I say turning around after my feet hit the ground.

"Look I'm cool with you not telling me what that was all about but..." He stops and nods toward Quinn with a stupid grin as she appears next to me outside his driver side door. "But talk to her, okay?"

"Yeah yeah" I roll my eyes at him.

"Don't worry Puck, I'll take care of her." Q says throwing her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to her.

"Alright, enough with the sappy shit I don't need taking care of, alright?" She gently grabs my hand with her free hand and quirks that eyebrow of hers at me.

"Really?" she muses gently running her thumb across the swollen and bruised knuckles. "Cause it looks like you need just a little bit of taking care of, Rocky." She smirks pulling my hand up to her lips softly placing a kiss on my knuckles. For the first time I can feel the pain throbbing in them.

"Owie" I whine. She does her adorable little giggle.

"What about my boo boos?" Puckerman chimes in pouting out of the driver side window.

The sharpness in her voice surprises me a little when she responds. "You deserve them all, for not protecting my girl here and keeping her outta whatever activity you two delinquents were just involved in."

His mouth drops open. "This is my fault! Have you met her? You can't stop her from doing anything."

She quirks her eyebrow at him letting him know she doesn't accept that answer and for the life of me I can't tell if she's seriously pissed or not. "Well you'll try harder next time if you expect any sympathy from me." She retorts. "Come on my beautiful disaster let's get you cleaned up."

Pucks pouting increases and I can't help the laugh that escapes. For good measure Q places another kiss to my knuckles eyes locked on Puckerman with an evil grin.

"Thanks again" I smirk at him. I can't hear what he says cause he's grumbling as he backs out of her driveway. "You're evil you know that?" I laugh wrapping an arm around her waist as she leads me into her house.

"I was only half kidding you know. I wish he'd do a better job at protecting you. You're always coming out of your little adventures with war wounds. I know you're a big bad ass and I have no doubt you can beat anyone, just I'd prefer you not getting hurt at all."

My brow wrinkles as I look next to me and pout at her. "I didn't mean to upset you." I say honestly.

"I know" she sighs. "You can't blame me for worrying just think how you'd be if it were reversed."

"If you came back bloody? I'd castrate Puck"

"Exactly, and I'm not upset at you, S it's just been…a rough day that's all."

"How so?" I ask following her direction and hopping up onto her bathroom counter.

She shrugs from inside her medicine cabinet. "Were not here to talk about me. Tell me what just happened? I assume you came up with a story but what I'm confused at is how exactly you got yourself involved when I thought the whole point of involving Puck was to keep you out of it?"

She's standing in front of me now between my legs rubbing peroxide on my knuckes. "Ouch" I hiss from the sting. Man that shit hurts, why do I never remember how bad that stings!

"Sorry" she says pulling my hand to her lips to blow on the stinging spots. Once the pain fades and I can focus again I tug my hand from hers causing her to look up with surprise.

"I'm here to talk about you,Q. This isn't a one sided friendship, you always running to my rescue, let me be here for you too."

She attempts a smile. "You've got enough on your plate I'm not going to add my stupid drama too. Besides you don't do girly talks remeber? You're getting your fill of them enough as it is."

"Quinn" I say firmly. I don't know what to say, I know better than to push her when she's like this it's not going to get me anywhere, so I do something that I'd only ever do with B or Q...and now Berry. I wrap my legs around her waist locking her in and pull her toward me. I feel her give in and relax into my embrace. You're my girl, Q, that means we do girly talks and al that shit whether I like them or not. I definately don't like seeing you all broody." She just can't let the moment happen, stubborn SOB as she is some times.

"You ready San?" Q's soft voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"Mm? Yeah." I reach forward and grab her wrist before she got too far. With a gentle tug she turns to face me with that signature eyebrow quirk. I tug her arm again pulling her in for a quick hug. I know I should really just keep my trap shut at this point cause like me she doesn't respond well to being pushed to opening up but I can't help myself for some reason. "San?" she questions as I've been standing here silent while cupping her cheeks.

"I'ma say something."

"So say it" she cuts me off with a small giggle.

"You're not allowed to get mad"

"Oh is that right?"

"Yep. So, I'm never too busy or too whatever to be here for you. You get that right?" She's going for the HBIC response but I see right thru that scoff and she knows it. Her hardened bitch face fades as fast as it appeared and she's looking at me with watery eyes when she nodds.

"Come on" she says tugging me out her front door "You keep this shit up I'm gonna call you S squared instead of just S" she says grinning devilishly over her shoulder at me.

"Huh?"

"Sappy Santana..S squared" she says erupting in a fit of giggles propmtly jumping back and running knowing what was coming. "Ouch" she giggles as my hand connects with her ass faster that she could flee.

"Shut it...fatty Fabray"

"That the best you got sappy?" Her fit of laughter dies as she sees me charging at her from over her shoulder. I wrap my arms around her as she lets out an ear piercing shriek. "Say your sorry" she's laughing again untill she feels my nails press gently into her sides.

"No Santana don't.." her pleading is cut off by her shriek as my nails dig in further in her ticklish spot. She's desperately trying to break free.

"Say your sorry"

"Ahh stop please" she's yelling through fits of laugher. All this obnoxious giggling is only making it worse for her. "Sorry sorry OK ahhh San..I'm sorry!" I still my movements.

"Good girl" I smirk kissing her temple as I let go and place a smack to her ass as I start heading back to the car. She's still trying to catch her breath as she flops in behind the wheel . She waits till she's out of the driveway and before looking over at me with a smirk.

"I'm sorry your such a sap now..sappy ." My jaw drops. But I quickly join in on her contagious laughter. It's been too long since I've heard her laughing like that. "Keep it up giggles and I'ma tell B you're dying to take her to the duck pond...all week"

She gasps, fear clouding her blue eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

I roll my eyes at her, "Seriously? I wouldn't dare?" I laugh at the pure terror in her eyes. Q's got an irrational fear of ducks but she like the rest of us can't say no to Britts.

"Fine" she pouts. "How's sexy Santana?" she mumbles.

"Hmm...I love it"

* * *

It's 9pm when I walk into my house. I throw my keys in the bowl and lean back against the door with a heavey sigh. "Que pasa nena?" My mom gasps from the living room when my head cracks against the door. I jump in surprise.

"Aye Dios! Mama you scared me!" My eyebrow quirks up in confusion upon seeing Rachel and my mom both sitting on the couch together. The TV is off and I look back to Rachel and see her eyes are red and swollen. "Baby girl!" I gasp quickly hurrying over to kneel in front of her. She gives me a watery smile as I cup her cheeks gently. "Why are you crying?" I whisper as I feel my heart pounding in my throat. She shrugs at me.

"Same stupid reason" I catch the tears with my thumbs and move to sit beside her wrapping my arms around her. "Shhh" I hush her as she's crying earnestly now. I pull her into me as much as I can and lean back inot the couch as her head nuzzles under my chin.

"I'll just leave you to girls, Santana?" I completely forgot my mom was sitting right there.

"Mmm?" I hum placing a kiss to the top of Rachels hair.

"We need to talk later." she says with a nod and a hard glare in the direction of my bruised knuckles. Rachel stiffens and gently removes my hand from her cheek bringing it down so she can see it. She gasps audibly and pulls out of my embrace.

"Rach" I start.

"What did you do?" she questions as her gaze leaves my bruised hand thats now cradeld in hers. Her soft worried eyes meet mine and I feel this awful wave of guilt hit me like a damn tidal wave. I am not going to cry damnit.

"It's nothing" I say in a really unconvincing non-Santana like way. Fuck she's seriously my damn kryptonite! She arches her eyebrows clearly not amused with my lame attempt. Trying to avoid shedding tears I get bitchy. "Stop giving me that look with your God damn doe eyes, Berry. You don't even know what the fuck happened and already you think the worst of me. After everything you still automatically assume I fucked up." I huff yanking my hand away so I can cross my arms.

She takes a deep breath "Sorry, I'll just grab my things and be on my way. Thanks for...um everything". Fuck now I feel even worse. She springs off the couch and is halfway up the stairs before I get over myself and run after her. I come to a screeching halt seeing my mother standing outside of her door with Rachel crying in her arms. I know I look guilty as shit as I feel my heart break at the knowledge that this time she's crying because of me. I bow my head and stare intently at the floor.

"Rachel sweetie I will not allow you to go home to an empty house like this." my Mother says gently pulling her back to look into her eyes. Rachel only nods and sniffles. "There is the guest bedroom right next to Santanas if you don't feel up to her company."

"Is there a shower in there?" Rachel asks in a small voice.

"Si mamita you'll find everything you need in there okay but may I recomend a warm bath? Might help sooth your bruises. Go ahead I'm going to speak to my daughter right now, okay? You come find me afterwards if you need to"

"Thanks Mrs. Lopez." My mother shushs her "Maira, porfavor." Rachel smiles and without a glance my direction heads into the guest room. I quickly glance down at the floor seeing my mothers head start to turn my waya.

"Santana come in here" she says walking into her room. I'm expecting a lecture and some yelling. That I think I could handle better than what she throws at me. "Bebita what is going on? Digame" She says softly in her 'mama voice' walking over to me and pulling me tightly into her arms. I break down into sobs the moment my head nestles into her chest. She begins rocking us slowly shushing me like a child. I don't know what the hell has come over me. I'm all over the place angry sad angry sad ...blah blah and the hilarity of it all is I'm always the first to call Berry the drama queen. This thought cuases me to laugh a little through my sobbing. Now I really sound insane. She holds me at arms length moving to brush the tears off my face. "Please nena, I can't help you through this if you don't talk to me. You're not doing anyone any good like this."

"S-s-he didn't t-tell y-you?"

"A little bit but I have a feeling she left out a lot. Besides, I want to hear from you and how you're doing with all of this." She's searching my eyes but I can't bring myself to speak. I really feel like I need to be telling Rachel what I just found out first. "Santana, did he.." I know what she's asking.

"That's ...complicated"

"How can that be complicated baby it's a yes or a no"

"He..." I sighed pulling out of her grasp and slumping onto the edge of her bed putting my head in my hands. I felt the bed sink beside me and and hand begin to rub soothingly up and down my back.

"It's okay baby this stays between us I will not tell her that I know anything. Let me help bebita you're snapping at her when you should be patient and consoling her so what is it?"

"He beat her so bad she was in and out of consiousness. She didnt' now if he took her virginity or not." My mom gasps and my resolve stays hard as she responds.

"So you went to ask him tonight, yes?" she says cradling my bruised hand in her free one gently rubbing the knuckes. I nodded staring straight down at the floor. "Santana look at me" I didn't want to because if I did I'd start crying and really I'm sick of that.

"He told me he didn't get teh chance to rape her but he did start" I say shocked by the coldness in my voice.

My mother gasps again."Is he in the hospital?" she asks causing me to turn and look at her finally.

"He will be once he's found I assume. Puck and I just left him on the lawn"

"Good, I hope that son of a bitch is in a world of pain" My mother hisses causing me to laugh slightly. I've never heard her talk like that. "So tell me why did you snap at her, honey" I let out a long sigh.

"I don't know"

"I do"

I feel my eyebrows raise. "Is that so? Care to tell me?"

"You're carrying a lot around, baby. All this happening to her, keeping the secrets, I assume she did not want you to retaliate and now you have. You have information that I'm sure is eating her alive not knowing but in order to relieve that burdon for her you know it means her finding out you broke a promise." I feel my heart get heavey again from guilt. "Santana, you need to tell her" she states cupping my chin and turning it to look back at her.

"But what if she shuts me out, mama? I'm all she has and I've let her down."

"No you didn't baby, she may be hurt that you went back on a promise but you did so to get her the closure she doesn't realize she needs in order to ever heal. In the long run baby you may have just saved her life." This causes me to let out a small sob I didn't realize was coming. Hearing that I saved her life caused me to think of her telling me of her urges to just let the blackness swallow her hole. I let my mom hold me and stroke my hair for a few minutes until I'm calm and decide it's time to go talk to Rachel.

"Thanks mama" I say hugging her tightly before I climb off the bead and head to the door.

"Anytime bebita, thank you for trusting me."

"You really are pretty awesome for like a mom" I say with a smile. She laughs at this shaking her head.

"Santana?" she calls as I've stepped out of her doorway.

"Yes?" I ask turning back.

"Don't let her push you away and you come find me next time you need to vent, okay? She needs you to be strong"

"Si, mama. Muchos gracias" I head down the hallway to the guest bedroom and stop outside of the closed door. I take a deep breath and knock, praying she'll let me in.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! This is the exact same story I had uploaded before just with new chapters like this one. I'm gonna skip a head a few weeks soon I think...**

* * *

**SANTANA**

"Rachel!" I yell, knocking on the door _again_.

"I'm not sure why you are knocking Santana as this is your own home. I am in the middle of a bath trying to relax, so if you don't mind can you please stop pounding at the door? I'll let you know when I'm finished."

Is she incapable of a one word response? I mean seriously! "Did you just politely tell me off?"

"What do you want, Santana?"

"I can't even believe I'm being here respecting your boundaries and shit by knocking in _my own_ damn house as you said, and you're still giving me an attitude! I mean shit, this is _your_ room for now so like a normal person I knocked. Do you know what you're supposed to do then in the real world, Berry? Let me the fuck in, that's what. Not give me a freaking attitude and leave me standing here talking to my own damn door."

"Are you finished? Would you like a round of applause for showing common courtesy for once? You must have missed the portion of my 'freaking attitude' when I informed you I was trying to relax! That most certainly does not entail listening to you talk to your own door."

"Ugh, shut up! Enjoy you're freaking bath, just come get me when you're done. I am _not asking_!"

"Are you finished now?"

_Seriously I'm gonna fucking ...ahhhhh__. Deep breaths._ "Just one last thing. If you need help with those hard to reach areas give a knock on the wall. I'll be in my room."

"You're worse than Puckerman!" she yells.

"Better! I'm _better_ than Puckerman!" I shout back proudly.

"Goodbye, Santana" she huffs.

I can't handle too much more of this fucking craziness!

"Well m'ija, I'm glad to see you kept calm." Says my Mother standing in her bedroom doorway.

"Ugh, Mama por favor!" I groan.

She shakes her head at me with a hint of a smirk on her face. I bellyflop onto my bed and pull my phone out of my pocket. 4 missed calls Brit. I click the call button immediately; I miss the shit out of her.

"Sanny!" she sings into the phone.

"Hey babe, what's up?"

"Nothing I just missed you are you mad at me?"

"Britt how many times do I have to keep telling you I'm not mad at you and could never be. Why are you asking again?" I say a little snappish.

"Once if it's the truth, I'm not an idiot, Santana. When you're actions match your repeated words maybe I'll believe you." she says, the hurt evident in her voice.

"Don't you ever call yourself an idiot again or I_ will_ be pissed at you. What am I doing that is making you think I'm mad at you?"

"Never mind. Obviously I'm annoying you."

"Britt come on. I'm sorry, alright? There's like a lotta shit flying around in my life right now. Seriously, I'm like barely escaping a nervous breakdown here. I didn't mean to take it out on you, baby I'm really really truly not mad at you though."

"Exactly, a lot happening and I don't know about any of it. All you care about is helping Rachel, which is a good thing San but I never see you anymore, San. And what about Q? You've been friends longer you should be helping her too. She needs you just as much as Rachel." Ugh drama drama everywhere!

"You're always with Wheels. And what about Q? I just saw her tonight she's not big on the talking thing you know that where as Rachel can't seem to ever shut up." I say twirling my hair around my fingers.

"Because you're never around that's why I'm with ARTIE! You know I'd pick you" she practically shrieks into the phone.

"Brittany don't. You didn't pick me you picked him so I'm sorry but that means you don't get to see me as much. Fuck, I can't do this right now, Britt. I ..I just can't do this, okay. I'm still not mad at you..I'm...fuck Brit it hurts you know? It's not like this all was my fucking choice to lose you._ I chose you_...I've gotta hang up before I say something I don't mean." I say and hang up before she can respond. I grab my pillow and scream into it.

I scroll through new text message alerts and settle on Puckerman. I can use a laugh, he's still probably pouting about Quinn.

**P: U're sleepin w/Q aren't u.**

What the actual FUCK! I throw my phone and put my face back down into the pillow.

* * *

**RACHEL**

This bath is heavenly. It may have taken me a good five minutes to sink my sore body into this large tub that even is equipped with water jets but it was so worth the effort. Seriously, this is her guest bathroom and there are water jets! Lima Heights adjacent my eyeball. All this time I'm thinking she's stealing all her designer clothes and really lives in a run down duplex on the wrong side of town. Not that there is anything wrong with that but hear she's been in this mansion pampered from day one. _You don't know what it's like to live in Lima Heights adjacent, manhands!_ But I'm the resident drama queen? I don't even want to think about what her poor mother must have been through trying to raise this girl right. She's a handful on her good days! Oh, well she did do a good job though, somewhere under all that attitude is a really good heart; I just wish I knew how to get that person to come out and stay out. It's like that saying 1 step forward 2 steps back although she goes a few steps before going back ten. I really hope she lets me in enough so I can figure out why she feels the need to have all these walls up all the time. She's gorgeous, popular, a cheerleader, rich...and she's hiding who she is as if they'll knock her to the bottom of the social latter...where I live. Here I am you're plain Jane in hideous clothes due to everyone's incessant need to slushie me to remind me everyday exactly where I stand in their world. I'm a lot to handle; do they really think I don't know that? I talk to much, I'm self involved on my best days, the list goes on and on but I don't hide it. If anyone should hide who they really are it should be me, not Santana. Oh my God why do I even care? She's impossible!

People think my monologues are bad...they should be in my head cause those actually stop. I do actually at some point stop speaking, despite what Santana might tell you, but that's not the case in my head. It won't stop. Staring at the water bubbling from the jets and it would be relaxing, it should be, if I could focus but the constant rambling in my head denies me even that small hope of momentary peace. It probably won't work but I'll try anything at this point to just have some peace in my head for even a few seconds. Pinching my nose I slip down under the water. I can hear the jets creating a deep rumble and I think I could just stay like this if only I had a snorkel I'd finally have peace. The burning in my lungs sadly reminds me I've got to resurface. For a moment, just one moment I consider staying under and just drifting away in this peaceful abyss. I resurface in time to hear banging on the bedroom door and Santana yelling my name. Speak of the devil! I give a long winded answer knowing exactly how much my long answers to a yes or no question irritate her. That's exactly what I'm going for, if I have to deal with her attitude she can start taking a little more of mine. Besides, irritating her is the only way I know of to guarantee to get rid of her.

"Just one more thing. If you need help with those hard to reach areas give a knock on the wall. I'll be in my room." Of all the nerve! She's completely shameless but whether she meant it to work or not visions of her doing exactly that invade my thoughts. This is all her fault that damn massage she gave me earlier. I couldn't stop the moans from leaving my mouth. I think I'm pretty much straight but I'm not the biggest fan of labels. I'm open to anyone really, at least I was... I wonder if that's why she's such a bitch all the time, because she's afraid to let other people know she's gay. It's pretty obvious though, at least to me.

Her voice penetrates my non-stop thoughts once again. Something about coming to find her for our talk.

I'm so sick of talking. Who would have thought I'd ever get sick of that? I just want this to go away. Of all the people I'd have thought she'd want that too. I know how uncomfortable this all is for her having to talk about stuff but yet she does. She's the one making sure I don't check out and continue to deal with all this. Every agonizing feeling she won't let me push it back down. Sometimes I wish she would. I wish she'd tell me to shut the hell up and get over it already even though that's not conducive to getting on with my life and putting this behind me, sometimes I just don't care. She basically did tell me off tonight though and immediately I get all weepy and pathetic. What is wrong with me? I used to put up a good fight at least. I don't want to be the Lopezs' charity case. I have no idea how much time has passed but I begin to feel my eyes drooping shut and decide it's time to attempt to haul myself out of the bathtub.

Okay seriously if this is what it's going to be like when I'm old then...well I'm just not going to get old! This is now my fifth attempt to haul myself out of this tub that's the size of a small pool. This is ridiculous. What am I thinking! Just cause I got myself in doesn't mean...Ouch! That hurt. What other way can I try? Hmm she did say she's just a knock on the wall away..Oh my God I should have just stayed under the water. Oh! Maybe if I can shift to my knees and stand the pain of leaning my weight on them briefly I can maybe muster enough arm strength to push myself to a standing position. If this doesn't work... I'll bang on the wall. She's already seen me half naked why not just complete this nightmare? She's only the hottest and girl at school, oh and the biggest bitch. No way, I've got to do this. On the count of three...1...2...3.

I shifted to my knees, pushed up with all my might and ...

**...**

"RACHEL BERRY IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR I'M COMING IN!" Why is she screaming? What in the world is going on? Oh...please let this be a nightmare. "Ow!" I hiss failing miserably to lift my head. I suddenly realize I'm not in water anymore but laying against cold tiling. .I really am naked sprawled on her bathroom floor. And here all of this effort was to avoid her seeing me naked...it's infinitely better now that she's going to find me here on her floor like a dead fish..a very naked dead fish who can't seem to move. I try to lift my head again but everything goes black.

"M'IJA LOWER YOUR VOICE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" The sound of Maria Lopez's voice drifts through my ears. Just perfect they'll both find me like this. Suddenly the bathroom door is opening. I can't quite will my eyes to open yet as there is a buzzing in my head that makes it sound as though I'm under water. "Aye Dios Mio! Rachel! Qué carajo?"

I hear rustling noises, drawers slamming, and more Spanish curses flying as my eyes finally listen to me and open. Something soft lands on my back and I sent up a silent prayer that it was a towel. "Hey?" she says softly as her concerned mocha eyes appear in my line of vision. She brushes the hair back that has fallen into my eyes. "hi" I croak, silently panicking I've knocked myself so hard that I've damaged my vocal chords. Irrational? Maybe but it's kind of all I have going for me.

"Can you move?" I clear my throat.

"If I could do you think I'd have stayed like this?"

She smiles "I see you're not too hurt, smart ass. I didn't hear a knock on my wall Berry, what the fuck were you trying to do? An aerial dismount?"

"You know if you going to be a bitch just leave me here."

"Nope, I won't be leaving you alone again for a loooong time. I'm going to help you lift your head okay? Don't try to get up yet until I see how much damage you've done to your head." She must see the pure panic in my eyes, "Don't worry I'm just being cautious. My Dad's a doctor and I'm a Cheerio. Do you have any idea how many girls we've dropped on their heads?" She moves so she's kneeling by the top of my head. I feel her hands on either side of my face then my head is slowly being lifted.

"Ow fuck me" I hiss at the sharp pain and blurry vision that follows.

She laughs, "either you've knocked yourself so hard you're a completely new person, or else you've been spending too much time with me, munchkin."

"Huh?" I ask as she lowers my head back down.

"You're not big on the cursing." she says looking down at me with an amused smile.

"Oh, sorry"

"Don't be. It's kinda hot coming from you." I really must have knocked my head hard cause that definitely did not come out of her mouth.

"Whats the damage?" I ask.

"Just a little blood. Don't panic that's a good thing. Hitting your head really hard and not bleeding brings up the issue of internal bleeding and intracranial pressure and all that shit." she says looking semi embarrassed.

"Wow. Impressive."

"Sorry" she says sheepishly rolling her eyes.

"Don't be. It's kinda hot coming from you." I say with a smirk.

She laughs. "Alright baby girl time to get you off this floor your tits must be freezing. How'd you get here anyway?"

"I tried to get out of that swimming pool of a tub of yours."

"You have no idea how hard that just was for me not to respond with like a million height jokes. They were really good ones too, like epic." She's standing with either foot on each side of me. I feel her hands under my arms as she slowly pulls me up. I move my knees underneath me. "You're a lot stronger than you look. Quinns really lucky your right hook didn't connect with her face fully."

"Uh yeah, not my best moment."

"She can bring out the worst in people."

She laughs at this, "Yeah it's just a defense mechanism. Q's not like me, when you peel back her many layers there's a kind sweet person in there. But, I was talking about the fact my swing went wide. I'm usually dead on with my aim." She pulls me all the way up to my feet moving the towel fully around my waist as soon as I'm upright. Her arms linger around my waist for a minute. "Are you sure you okay?" she asks as I feel her forehead hit the back of my shoulder. "You scared the living shit outta me. Seriously I think you've aged me ten years this past week." she sighs.

I place my hands over hers that are resting over my stomach. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so much trouble, I swear."

I feel her pick her head up as she lets go and moves from behind me. The bright lights of the bathroom suddenly go black and I feel myself crash into something.

"Woah easy easy" she says as my eyes open to see her now in front of me holding me up.

"Dizzy" I mumble.

"I see that." she chuckles. "Come here." Her arms wrap around me and I let her guide me out of the bathroom. I have my arm around her waist for extra support and my head is leaning on her shoulder as she sets me down on the edge of the bed. "Figured we should get you away from all that hard tile before you end up on it again. Lay down, I'm going to get something to clean up your head. It's just a drop or two nothing to panic over, okay?"

I nod but stay seated. I look up when I hear a huff to see her staring at me with a scary look on her face and her arms crossed. "You didn't hit your head that hard that you don't understand what I'm saying. I said lay down. I'm not going to risk you slumping over or something and falling off the bed while I go get peroxide.

I narrow my eyes at her. "I will not fall off..."

"NOW!" she barks and I lay down immediately. God she's scary. She chuckles at how fast I obeyed her order but I don't find any amusement in this. "Much better."

"You're scary." I say as she walks back into her bathroom. My eyes drift closed as I'm suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion.

"Nah ah! I leave you for two seconds...wake up!" I open one eye upon hearing her yelling.

"What is your issue? You want me to lay down then you're shrieking cause I close my eyes? What was I to do, hmm? Stare longingly at the ceiling while I wait for you?"

" First of all, watch your tone. B, you still smacked you're head pretty good and probably have a mild concussion meaning you cannot sleep for ten hours."

"It's either A or Second of all," I mumble without thinking.

"Huh? Are you speaking in tongues? Are you feeling dizzy again?" I swat her hands away as I sit up.

"You said First of all then B. It's either A then B or First then Second."

"You're correcting my English? Yep, your definitely fine." she rolls her eyes dabbing the peroxide on a cotton ball. I stop her hand before the cotton ball reaches my head. "What do you think you're doing with that extremely painful liquid on that cotton ball?"

"Cleaning your cut, that's what I'm doing."

"No thank you."

"No thank you? I don't recall asking for your permission, now remove your hands before I remove them for you."

"You don't think I'm banged up enough?" I add trying to suppress the smirk I feel forming at my lips at that low blow.

"That's not even right" she huffs. "Please remove your hands so I can get this over with. I'm not exactly overjoyed at the prospect of wiping blood off your head you know. Hows about that English."

I shriek upon feeling the cotton ball press against my head. "There's nothing on this one drama queen, I've gotta clean it up a bit first.

I glare up at her and practically let out a growl upon seeing the smug smirk on her face.

She gets it cleaned up and I grit my teeth when the real thing finally hits my cut. "I don't even want to imagine what you did to your poor Fathers' as a kid. You, Mizz Berry are a friggin handful, an overly dramatic handful."

I scoff, "I was an angel. I was just thinking about your poor parents earlier tonight as you are equally if not more a handful mizz lopez."

"You were thinking about me as a kid? When?"

"When I was.." I stop myself before I finish regretting opening my mouth in the first place.

"Why Rachel Berry were you thinking about meee while you were in the bath?" She says in mock horror.

"Shut up. It's bad enough you found me naked on the floor." I say rolling my eyes.

"Hey. Don't be embarrassed. I'm a Cheerio. Before you give me a smart retort for that let me finish. We all shower together. I see naked women all the damn time Berry no biggie."

"No biggie for you perhaps but you weren't' the one immobilized naked on the bathroom floor of one of the hottest girls in highschool." I bite my lip realizing what I've said.

She kneels in front of me with her one eye brow quirked up in amusement. "The hottest girl in school you say? Don't be embarrassed. Anytime you wanna see this hott piece of ass lemmie know and I'll give you a show. Then we'll be even. Besides, if you weren't hurt I would have thoroughly enjoyed the show" She winks at me again and this time I know I didn't imagine that. "Okay so why don't you get changed then we can get this all over with okay? Are you going to be able to get dressed okay?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, and I'm still mad at you for your temper tantrum don't forget."

"Well forgive me if I don't believe you as you said you were perfectly fine to get a bath alone too. I'm choosing to ignore the other thing you just said. By the way" She says turning around in the doorway with a slightly evil grin on her face "Next time I'll be supervising your bath."

"You most certainly will not!" I shout back but she's out the door after the first word. She's out the door as my jaw drops and I flop back down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "I cannot believe this is my life."


	11. Chapter 10

**SANTANA**

"Alright, Lopez lets get this over with. Quite frankly I wish you'd just let me go to sleep in peace but apparently my insesnt need to continually engage in exhausting dialogue no matter what hour of the night it is has rubbed off on you. I must say it is not a good quality in you."

"I.." is all I get out before she's spins on her heel walks to the guest room next door and shuts the door with me a few steps behind her rolling my eyes. Of all the nerve! I knock on the door taking a few deep breaths willing the evil bitch inside of me to stay away. I just practically saved her damn life scraping her off my bathroom floor and a little appreciation isn't much to ask for if you ask me.

"Berry for God sakes open the door. You had no problem playing nice when I was hauling your butt off the floor! You can't just decide you're going to be pissed again!"

"Just because you scrapped me off the floor like a dead fish doesn't discount your actions earlier and how I feel about them."

"Aye Dios this chicks going to kill me." I mumble quietly. "Please, I'm really sorry I was a royal bitch I just..."

"You just didn't want to cry again and show your vulnerable side so you snapped at me instead" she finishes as the door flies open. My hand flies to my heart as it feels like it just flew out of my chest.

"Something like that" I mumble trying to catch my breath. She sighs and rolls her eyes at me.

"Come in" she says stepping to the side so I can enter. I see her eyes drifting down to my knuckles as I take a seat on the bed.

"I am actually sorry that I snapped at you. I don't do apologies and now I've just uttered those words more than once on this same issue. I will not repeat it again." She frowns slightly and shrugs her shoulders. What that was supposed to mean I don't fuckin know. I have enough problems trying to figure out feelings when people actually speak. She must see my bewildered expression.

"Its okay. I mean, you are Santana after all. I'm more surprised when you're nice to me." Now I'm the one with the frown.

"Well, that sucks. I don't want it to be like that anymore, I was...I thought I was doing better with that."

"No, I didn't mean it like that, honey," she says gently taking my hands in hers. "You're first instinct is always to put your walls up which mostly translates into you being...well...a bitch quite frankly. You're still trying to get used to seeing me as one of the few who gets to see this other side of you. I get it. I get that this is really hard for you to keep your defenses down and be comforting and all that 'mushy stuff' as you call it."

Now I'm really pouting. "Sappy Santana" I mumble rubbing my temples as I feel a headache approaching. I've about hit my emotional roller coaster ride limit for today.

"What?" she asks after a loud bubble of laughter escapes her.

"Q called me that like 20 minutes ago, Sappy Santana. Its all your fault you know that right?" She's smiling at me as she reaches to tuck my raven hair behind my ear.

"I'm okay with that," she shrugs as her hand lingers on my cheek.

"I'm not sure that I am. I can't let my guard down too much because I might forget to put it back up again at school and you know like out in public."

"I promise I won't tell anyone." I smile at her and roll my eyes.

"Nah as long as its only with you, Q & B and doesn't spill over to anyone else. Just cause there's like five people on the planet that get to see my human side, this includes you now. But you guys still aren't safe from Snix. She's gots a mind of her own!" She giggles shaking her head.

"It's okay I know you're still trying to get used to not hating me."

"I never did, remember how I've also said that one hundred times too? It's really not just you babe. I just hung up on Britt before you tried to exit the tub like a dolphin at sea world showing off for a crowd. I've got a short temper, that's just me no one's safe from it not even myself. Damn, you are rubbing off on my little D. No me gusta."

"You hung up on Brittany? What happened?"

"Huh? Oh it's no big. Whatever" I huff crossing my arms.

"Come on. It would be kinda nice to hear about someone elses problems and drama for once before getting back to mine or whatever you have to talk to me about. It's been all about me and my drama."

"Ha. I thought you lived for it to always be about you and your drama!"

"It's not as much fun as I'd once imagined."

I roll my eyes and move to sit back against the headboard, stretching my legs out. She joins me settling in the middle of the bed indian style next to my thighs. "Ugh, fiiiiiineee. This is the mother of all secrets, okay? I don't want anyone knowing about my shit and I definately don't want Brit hearing anyone else talking about what happened with us at school."

"Cross my heart. You are after all keeping my secrets so it's the least I can do to avoid my need for gossip."

I feel a pang of guilt about telling Quinn and now my Mama but push it away telling myself it was necessary. "Alright, well it's not that exciting. I've been spending a lot of my time with you, and she's always with stupid wheels."

"Santana must you call him that?" she chastises me.

"How's about... crippled?" She gasps and puts her hand to her mouth, as dramatic as ever. "You wanna hear this or not."

"Sorry, continue. You're with me and Brittany is always with ARTIE" she says over emphasizing his name.

"Listen, you can call him that but I don't like him and I've got good reason to, okay? She picked that idiot over me. We've been best friends since freaking kindergarden and tossed me away like I meant nothing to her in favor of that jerk. He rubs it in my damn face any chance he can get."

"But you and Brittany are still getting your sweet lady kisses on, as you call it, behind his back so in reality you are the one winning this little game."

"How...h-how do you" I can't stop stuttering. How the fuck does she know?

"Oh please! You two are so obvious. He must really not want to see it to be able to miss it. Don't worry I don't know if anyone else knows, probably not maybe just Kurt cause he always sees that stuff. Gaydar and all."

"I am not gay!" I yell.

"Oh my God who cares who you are attracted to Santana? You know everyone in Glee will support you. You're relationship with Puck is flirty enough to have the whole school thrown off anyway."

"Are you gay or something?"

She laughs at that shaking her head. "I've never thought about it one way or the other. I was attracted to Finn, yes, and I think I loved him but I find some women unbelieably attractive as well. I would never discount someone due to gender and I don't believe in labels. You fall for who you fall for it's not really something within our control. Enough, stop derailing this conversation from what it's supposed to be which is why you hung up on Brittany."

"Damn, uh yeah let's get back to that cause I don't know what to say to what you just said. So, she keeps asking me if I'm mad at her and I keep telling her no I could never be mad at her. Blah blah we hug she bounces away happy then the next time we talk she's asking me again. It got a little bit annoying. It was the first thing she asked me tonight on the phone. So I asked her how many times I gotta tell you the same thing! And yeah okay I was a little short with her but being all cotton candy hasn't gotten me anywhere with this. So she says she's not an idiot I only have to tell her once but she'll only believe me when my actions support my words!"

"Yikes, what did you say to that?"

I told her about the rest of the conversation. Me apologizing for taking it out on her and how she told me I'm not spending enough time with her or talking to her about everything like we used to. Rachel was nodding along then kinda winced when I said this last part, "That's her freaking fault though she's the one who picked wheels over me! I mean you can't expect shit not to change after that. She's supposed to be with him more and I'm allowed to get a life outside of her. What am I supposed to do sit around staring at the phone wondering when she'll feel like hanging out? Nah ah Santana waits for no one."

"Not even for Brittany?"

"Huh? Why the hell should I? If she felt the same she'd be here with me not there with him. Simple."

"Is it that simple? I mean she's thinking of you as still being her best friend even though she has a boyfriend. She's not thinking of you as someone she's in love with. That's how you're viewing it because for you that's how you think of her as more than the best friend so to you it's wrong for her to be spending as much time with you as before when she's dating someone else. She might be in love with you but she's choosing to look at you as her best friend and she doesn't understand why she shouldn't be able to have you and Artie. Think about it. Don't respond to that right now I can see your walls going up."

"Are you...are you saying she doesn't feel the same way about me?"

"No, no that's not at all what I meant. I mean ..."

"That I'm thinking of her only as the girl that was more than just my best friend. That all that other stuff that went beyond a normal friendship that we only did together, that part of her only I got to see, now I have to share that part of her with this idiot. Is that...right?"

"Yeah that's pretty close to what I was saying. That's how you're seeing it, more from a lovers jealousy angle where Brittany who doesn't over think things or complicate things sees you still as her best friend who is supposed to be by her side forever no matter what. She doesn't think that should ever change. When she's around you she's still giving you that part of herself because she does care about you but she's not thinking of it as cheating or choosing. For her there is no choosing you because you're never supposed to leave her."

"She wants her cake and wants to eat it too. Damn, everyone says I'm the only one who understands Britt and can talk to her, but that just gave me a run for my money. Should I worry about you miss 'i fall in love with any gender?"

She laughs good naturedly at me and rolls her eyes. "Definitely not. You are without a doubt the only one that can speak Britts unique language. I think I've actually understood her all of three times and even then I probably was way off the mark of what she actually had meant. It's easier for me to see this from the outside looking in. You're right in the middle of this with all your emotions and feelings clouding the view. I'm happy to provide insight anytime you require it."

"Thanks. Seriously, that actually makes a lot of sense what you said about how she sees this versus how I do. I don't know why I never really thought of that, Britt sees everything differently."

She shrugs. "Don't beat yourself up over it. It's still unfair to you emotionally to have her demanding you're presence be the same now that he's in the picture. She seems to really understand you as well she should be able to realize how this is affecting you. Perhaps you should ask her next time?"

"Ask her what exactly?"

"What she expects out of you now that she's with Artie? Or why does she still want to do all the same 'beyond friendship things' with you when she chose to be with Artie which should mean that he is the one she should be doing those things with."

I make gagging noises. "I'm not entirely sure I want to know the answer to that. Also, I've got her convinced that since the plumbing is different it's not cheating so I'd have to think a little on how to word it so I don't screw that up. As wrong as it is or whatever, I don't want that part to stop."

"Even if you deserve a whole hell of a lot more?"

"Yea, even if I do which I'm not agreeing to." I smile suddenly as a thought crosses my mind. "You're not to bad, you know that? Like to talk to."

"You sound really surprised!"

"Well, I've never been the biggest fan of your yapping!"

"Well you're welcome...I think. I'd say you owe me one but I think I'm still very much deep in debt to you and all the help you've given me but perhaps I could ask one teeny tiny favor ..or two?" she says looking up at me thru her ridiculously long dark eyelashes.

"No, we are not postponing this chat and you most definitely can not go to sleep!"

"How did you?"

"Oh please. Look at least the talking will kill some time."

"As will the musical directly following it."

"Ugh, I don't know why I even got my hopes up that you'd have forgotten."

"I, Rachel Berry, never ever forget anything to do with musicals!"

"Alright already that's definitely more than enough about me! I gotta talk to you about a few things before I lose my nerve." I reach over and it thumb her lip out from her teeth. "Hey look its gonna be okay. I'm not gonna sugar coat it cause there's nothing that's gonna make this shit easier but, look at me okay, don't be scared cause you got me, Sappy Santana, I'm not goin anywhere. You've got way too much dirt on me now. So no goin' into that dark place, kay? We just gotta get you thru this last part then finally we'll be able to put you back together again." She scoots closer so she's right next to me to lean her head on my shoulder and grabs my hand. I kiss the top of her head as I wrap an arm around her back pulling her closer.

"I'm not humpty dumpty you know."

"Ha ha shut up. I need to get some coffee first if I'm going to have a chance in hell of making it the next ...nine hours and two minutes awake with you. Can I get you some? Or tea? How about you come down with me and look at what options we have. My moms a tea addict I couldn't name them all if I tried and Papa and I are coffee addicts with very different tastes though."

"Okay. I'm with your mom though on the tea."

"Ugh man you two don't know the joy you're missing out on in life."

"Wow!" She says as her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "And I'm the dramatic one!"

"I'm not being dramatic that's the damn truth! That's how good it is!"

"I'm going to be mad at you, aren't I" she sighs as we make our way into my room after enjoying our caffeine. I slide back up on my bed settling back against the headboard and motioning for her to come sit. Instead of sitting in front of me where we can see one another she settles into my side nuzzling her head into my shoulder. That's not gonna work once we start but I kinda like how perfectly she fits there so for now she can stay.

"You don't have to be mad at me. I'm hoping you can see past it and the reasoning behind what I did."

"And what would that be? Perhaps it's best you start with that before I get too angry I refuse to listen to it"

"Do you remember what you told me the other day? About how hard it is for you that he knows everything that happened that night and you don't?"

She nods into my shoulder. I feel her shaking as she takes a deep breath. I loosen my hold and although I can sense she's reluctant she lifts her head from my shoulder. She seems to understand what I'm after and moves to sit alongside of my stretched legs in front of me. I grab a hold of both of her hands in mine then continue. "About how you're not sure if he took advantage of you and all of that."

"Yeah" she says quietly. "Oh" I squeeze her hands as her eyes widen.

"I don't see a way for you to ever completely heal and be able to get passed this without knowing the answers to that Rach"

"What are you saying, Santana?" I respond so quickly I barely understood what I said myself. "What?" she asks brows knitting together.

"I said, I know the answers now" she gasps pulling her hand out of mine to cover her mouth.

"You weren't tutoring Puck were you" she says quietly. "No baby girl, but I was with Puck. We went to Karofskys" despite the fact I'm like 90% sure she musta known that her gasp sends a sharp pain to my heart. "I know what I promised you and though you may disagree I kept my promise. I didn't get carried away you have any idea how hard it was to not use the bat?"

"The WHAT?" she gasps again.

I shake my head. "Not important"

"He could have really hurt you" she says tearing up. Fuck not the crying..and hold up.

"What? You're worried about him hurting me?" She nods as the tears start to flow.

"He's big and strong I know you are all scary Snix and fury but I'd never forgive myself if he hurt you too because of me."

"Shhh baby girl. Please don't cry." I whisper letting go of on of her hands to brush away the tears running down her cheeks. "I can't..I can't even believe you were worried about me! Puck came with me, and before you ask he didn't ask one question and I sent him to the car when I asked what I'd came to ask."

"What was his answer?" she asks.

I'm just staring at her like an idiot. I can't figure out how to say it or what to say first or what not to say. She interrupts my internal panic. "Please just just say itI can't take this" She says thru tears. I grip her hands tighter in mine.

"I'm sorry I'm trying to figure out how to."

"Just say it. Don't sugar coat it or any of that, just like you said. Be yourself San..I-I need you to be blunt so there's nothing to leave to my imagination."

"He said he didn't get the chance to. To..uhm"

"Rape me." she says bluntly.

"Fuck. Don't say that."

"Why not thats the word for it."

"No, there are a lot of ways to say that. Take advantage of you. Don't fucking say that word again I'm not kidding. Anyway, he had started to before he was interrupted. He did enter you slightly but he said you...uh your ..fuck your virginity is still intact.' She lets out a loud sob and flys into my arms. I wasn't fully prepared for the force of her so I fall backwards onto my back with Rachel on top of me. Her fists are balled into my shirt and I'm having quite a difficult time prying them off so I can hold them. I decide to let her keep her death grip on my shirt and settle for rubbing her back and running my fingers through her hair. Her hair is so smooth seriously like silk which is kinda crazy considering its really thick like mine, and it always smells like strawberries. I wonder if she does that on purpose. I'm pretty sure if her name was different I'd still call her Berry because of it. I'm snapped out of my obsessive thoughts about her hair when I realize she's not crying anymore just sniffling. Oh god, I hope she hasn't been talking to me cause I sure as shit wasn't listening! What the fuck is wrong with me thinking about hair and strawberries? I roll us so were both lying on our sides loosening my grip on her enough to be able to look in her eyes. Her hairs stuck to her damp cheeks so I tuck it behind her ears and wipe away the remaining tears stuck to her red cheeks. "We gotta get you to a doctor tomorrow little D."

Her lip starts quivering. "But he..I thought"

"shhh its just to be safe, you need to be checked out."

"Oh my God what if he has..."

I don't let her finish that thought. "He's bringing me lab results tomorrow. Each football player regularly gets screened. I woulda heard about it if he'd ever failed, I've gots alotta sources. Either way he's going tomorrow and so are you. Don't you even think about arguing with me on that."

She starts to cry again and I pull her back into my arms and just let her get it all out. "Tomorrow you'll finally have the closure you need baby girl. Okay? I'm so sorry. You're not alone though okay? Were gonna get through this and you're going to go back to being that loud obnoxious Broadway diva determined to make your dream come true. I'm going to make sure that you do."

A loud ringing rudely rouses me from sleep. Arms around my waist prevent me from falling out of bed in surprise . Confused I look down and am not at all surprised anymore to see Rachel curled into me holding on for dear life.

"Stop moving" she grumbles into my neck. I'm in the guest bed having fallen asleep shortly after Rachel did, so where in God's name did that noise come from? My phones in pieces on the floor in my room and..."M'ija" my mothers voice in the doorway gets my attention. "School." she says simply and walks back down the hallway. "SHit" i grumble. I've gotta go talk her into letting us go late. "Rach, you've gotta.. let me get up."

"No i don't" she shifts closer to me.

"Aye Dios!" I hiss slamming my eyes shut. Her knee pressed right up in between my legs when she shifted.

"Are you okay?" she grumbles shifting again.

"Fuck..shit..R-Rach stop moving...that leg."

I look down at her as my breathing evens out, her one eye pops open and a smirk devilsh enough to rival my own appears.

"This one?" she says in the hottest sex voice I've ever heard. She shifts her fucking knee up again.

I suck in a breath again "Oh my God." Summoning up all the strength in me I shake the fog from my head. "I'm going to pee all over you if you don't release me. I'll be back in a few minutes I promise."

"You're disgusting" she whines rolling off of me giggling a little.

"Works every time" I smile to myself as I climb out of bed and hurry after my mother. "Mama donde estas?"

"En la concina, m'ija."

I jog down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Mama, I need a favor."

She looks up from her coffee cup. "And what would that be Santana?"

"I need to go into school late."

"You do, huh? So you need an excuse note? What about Rachel?"

"The doctor can give her a note but since I'm not family and there is no medical reason I have to come iwth her they're not going to give me one."

"Doctor?"

"Yeah, she needs to get checked out, asap. It's already been way too long and I called Dr. Martinez last night and scheduled her an appointment in...2 hours."

"Alright. Make sure you get right back to school afterwards. I mean it Santana. No emergency trip to Breadstix or anything else."

"Mom, Breadstix doesn't open until noon."

"Not the point." She says handing over the note she quickly jotted down on her personalized notepad. Maria Lopez, attorney.

I kiss her cheek and thank her perfusely before running back up the stairs. Now for the fun part of trying to get her to cooperate in under two hours.

"Rachel Barbara Berry?" A nurse asks sticking her head out from behind the door. I burst into a fit of giggles. "What is your problem?" she huffs at me. "Barbara? Are you freaking kidding me?" "Yes, that's right she's the..." I hold my hand up "Nah nah...don't you start." I grab her hand and haul her behind me following the nurse through the door.


	12. Chapter 11

**Glee does not belong to me.**

**The mistakes are all mine :)**

* * *

"So Miss Berry, what brings you here?" the Dotor asks as Rachel hops up onto the table. I flop down into the chair in the corner until I look up and see Rachels terrified eyes on me. I spring back up and rush over to her.

"It's okay" I whisper grabbing her hand.

"Miss Berry?"

"Give her a fucking minute will you?" I snap at this ignorant shit in a white coat.

She squeezes my hand, thumb stroking the spot between my thumb and index finger. "It's okay San" she whispers.

"Like hell it is." I say with much less venom in my voice as I glare at the doctor. "She'll tell you when she's ready, okay? And her name is Rachel. Who the fuck are you anyway and where is Dr. Martinez?"

The doctor raises an eyebrow at me. "She's on vacation, take your time _Rachel_."

"That's better," I grumble. Rachel shoots me a look that I choose to ignore. "Hey, come on, you can do this okay?" I tuck her hair behind her ear and she takes a deep shakey breath. Tears start dripping down her cheeks as she's silently pleading with me to not make her do this. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. "Do you want me to tell her?" She nods as I wrap my other arm around her and pull her into me. Her arms quickly wrap around my waist and she burrows her head into her favorite spot under my neck. Holding her tight and stroking her back I tell the Doctor she needs to be tested to make sure she's clean of STDs and pregnancy test. What the hell we're here, and I'll never fully trust that asshole Karofsky even when he's fearful for his life. Once a coward always a coward. I run my fingers through Rachels hair and rock us as best as I can like this trying to sooth her. I can feel her shaking in my arms. I hate that I drug her here but I keep telling myself over and over it's for her own good but that's not doing a damn thing to ease this horrible aching guilt.

"Okay, well we'll just need to take some blood, okay Rachel?" She nods into my neck. "You should consider getting an actual examination. I know it's probably the last thing you want after what you've been through but.." The sob that escapes Rachels lips stops her talking and causes my heart to leap to my throat. Instictively I hold her tighter. Never letting her go I take the few steps around to the front of the table kicking the stool away so I can stand between her legs pulling her as tight as possible into my chest and sheilding her from the doctor. "Shh baby you've got to calm down. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Rachel.." I have to tug a few times to be able to pull back enough to look her in the eye. I tilt her chin up catching her tears while I'm there. "This is up to you, okay, no one is forcing you. Please baby girl, take a few deep breaths for me, okay?" I pull her back into my chest and start to rock her again. My hands are gently rubbing circles on her back "listen to my breathing baby. It's okay, you're safe."

The doctor has left the room, I assume to find the phelbotomist to take her blood. I'm a little bit worried about how I'm going to get her to calm down enough for them to take her blood. She has pretty much fallen the fuck to pieces on me here, and I blame that doctor bitch and her blunt comments. I know, I know pot callin the kettle black, but fuck I'm a kid here she's a grown adult with a ton of degrees and shit you think she'd be a bit more sympathetic or tactful or one of those big words that would have prevented undoing what little confidence this girl had dragging herself here today. Finally her breathing calms down as well as her sobs and I take a chance loosening my grip to pull back to look in her eyes. I smile crookedly at her. "Hey, you're okay, little d. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to get a paper towel over there and clean you up a little bit okay?" I wait until her watery eyes lock with mine again and she gives a small nod. I walk to the sink and wet a paper towel before returning to gently use it to clean up the tear and mascara stains on her cheeks.

I toss the towel in the trashcan and she just falls forward slowly into my arms. "You can do this. I know you don't want to, baby girl. If I could do this for you I would I swear, but I can be here with you for it all or whatever you want me here for okay? I don't want you to feel like this isn't your choice because it is 100 percent this is your decision, not mine or anyone elses, do you understand that?" She nodds into my chest. "I'm gonna need a verbal answer sweetie."

"yes" she croaks.

"Why don't you think about it while they take your blood then let me know, ok?" I ask trying to not freak out over the fact her voice cracked and she didn't start talking a mile a minute about ruining her voice.

"You think I should don't you," she says quietly.

"Doesn't matter what I think, baby girl."

"It does to me"

I pull back again putting my finger under her chin and tilting it up. "Then, yes I do think you should. I wish there was another way but there isn't. The more answers you can get the better, and since were here now to just get it all over with in one go. Baby girl this is important..do not do this only because I think it's best. If you don't think emotionally you can do this yet, or ever then don't. We'll figure something out, you have to do this because you want to know the answers. You have to be the one to agree to having someone touch you. You're in control here."

She takes a deep breath and nodds. "Can you just hold me until the nurse comes in?"

"Of course." I smile letting her snuggle back into my arms.

The nurse barges in the door behind me like a God damn bull causing both Rachel and I to jump. "It's okay" she whispers instantly silencing me, as my head quicly whips around and my mouth opens to let out some pretty colorful expressions. I turn back around with a slightly amused smirk on my face. She grins almost bashful and shrugs. Girl's got my number already. She's still wrapped in my arms and I'm reluctant to let go and step away from my place in front of her sheilding her from these whitecoat idiots. I don't give a shit what the nurse is babbling behind me, arms still around the divas waist I look in her eyes waiting for her to tell me she's ready for me to move. "I'm okay" she finally whispers with a slight nodd. I step back and move to the side of the exam table.

"If you so much as leave one bruise" I hiss in the direction of the nurse.

"Santana" Rachel says in a surprisingly stern voice reaching for my hand. Her glare is hard, not back to Berry style and no where near as good as mine but I'll take it. I huff and roll my eyes in true Lopez fashion. "It's okay ma'am this one's been coming here for years I know how she is." "The fuck?" I start as Rachel cuts me off with a firm squeeze of my hand. "Must you incorage her? If you get her worked up I'm not going to be able to stop her you know. Once Snix takes charge you're screwed, for lack of a better term, I've seen her ma'am I'd pIay nice if I were you. I garentee you she's ten times worse than what you remember." The nurse looks cautiously at me and I send her my best bitch glare. I smile at Rachel as the nurse looks possitively terrified of me, as she should be.

Rachel shakes her head amused at my antics as the nurse is getting ready to stick her little bruised arm with the biggest needle i've ever fucking seen. She catches my widening eyes at seeing the sword like needle "nah ah look at me, okay? Ain't no prettier picture around here to look at than yours truely" i joke praying she won't go diva on me and look where I don't want her to. "You think I should get bigger tits? Nothing crazy just next size up? I ask pushing them up and down deep in thought. "Kids your age" this nurse with a death wish grumbles. "I wasn't speaking to you Double D Dolly." I snap. Rachel lets out a bubble of laughter quickly trying to cover it up. "Sanatan honestly" She says all scandalized. "What? I mean I know they're awesome already but they'd totally be awesomer a little bigger. I don't want basketballs like her over there but.." Rachel jumps and mumbles and "ouch" as soon as i say that. "I will fucking kill.." I 'm about to land all sorts of threats on this bitch if she mars her again. "Santana, I'm begging you.." she pleads with a hint of amusement in her eyes. "Fine" i huff.

"I appreciate your efforts of distracton though they are a distracton in and of themselves without your running commentary and insults."

"All done."

"Pardon me nurse...Dolly?"

I burst out laughing, bending over at the waist from the force of my amusement. Rachel sends a few playful smacks my way upon realizing that poor nurses name is not really Dolly. "I'm soo sorry, forgive her please she has a mental condition where she's incapable of acting over the age of five years old. Nurse, would you send the doctor in for my exam? If she has time I mean, since I've only just made my mind up to have it." I'm still laughing as the door closes. "Honest to God Santana Lopez." she growls at me. "You said my tits are a distraction in and of themselves." I say grinning like an idiot. She rolls her eyes but doesn't deny it. I don't know what to do next. She's having the exam! I want to ask if she's sure but I don't want her to change her mind. Nor do I wish to kill the lighthearted mood.

"Just don't leave me, please." she murmers looking down at her balled up fists in her lap.

"Never, baby girl." I rub my hand soothingly up and down her back which seems to calm down the irratic swinging of her legs off the table, and gently prie open a fist and link fingers with hers. All i really wanna do is hold her and tell her this isn't going to be terrifying for her but she's managed to cling to some strength and I know from experience she'll melt in my arms.

"Alright put this on, lay back, put your feet in the sturrups." Says my favorite doctor sauntering through the door without the curtosy to say hello again Rachel, are you sure about this Rachel, you'll be fine ...anything preceding barking that order and hold the fuck up did she just...

"Aye...alright you just toss the gown at her like you were making a basket shot into the trashcan I don't freaking think so."

"San.." Rachel warns.

I move in front of her turning my back to Dr Doolittle and take both of her hands in mine. "Baby girl, you go change and get yourself ready okay? I'ma have a quick chat with this puta. I'm coming right back, okay? I'm right outside the door if you need me baby." She looks nervous but shakes her head okay. I cup her cheeks trying to pass all my strength to her "you got this, it will all be over soon."

The doctor rolls her eyes wen I signal for her to leave out the door with me following behind.

"Look you ignorant little fuck, congrats on your God damn degree but cleary you were asleep during compassion and sensitivity training! It would be one thing if you didn't know what happened to her but you do, she's scared shitless right now and hanging on by a very tiny thread. I'll not stand by and watch you snap it cause you're too fucking busy to be a human being! You don't have to get all sappy and shit but don't let me catch you throwing gowns at her or barking out orders without even a hello or something. Fake smile at her tell her it'll be over soon, she can tell you to stop at anytime, you know shit like that. She's easy, if you mean it or not she won't care she just needs something to hang onto, okay?"

She's staring at me seemingly deep in thought for a few long moments before she decides to answer me. "You're right, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say in these situations it's easier for me to do my job if I stay detached. Otherwise I'll carry all of this home with me. I could make a better effort though, and I'll try okay?"

"Hey, I get it believe me. I don't have a clue how to deal with this either. You get it easy you have her for an hour or so. I'm desperatly trying to keep her from drowning twenty four seven. I pretty much hate people so comfort and pep talks and shit are so not my thing. It took me a week to get her to be okay enough that I could walk out of her exam room wtih you for a couple minutes without her hyperventalating, and you come in here today all business and scary undooing all the progress I somehow have made with her."

"You may think you aren't good at taking care of people but from an outsider looking in you're exactly what she needs. Thats the important part, you're girlfriend's lucky to have you, and you're a bigger help to her than you realize. It's obvious just in the way she trusts you and how she lets you touch her. That's a huge issue for people that have gone thru that type of trama."

"If you say so, I'm pretty much a nervous wreck all the time just trying not to make it worse for her. Uh hold up, she's not my girlfriend. I mean she's a girl and I guess my friend now but we're not girlfriend girlfriends."

"Look I don't care, my brothers gay."

"Uhm great but seriously she's not...we're not together."

She is giving me this look like she absolutely doesn't believe what I'm saying. "Seriously? Well whats stopping you? It's obvious you care about eachother a lot and you already said how much time you're devoting to her getting better and the way you hold her...really?"

"Alright, now you're pissing me off ...again. What's stopping me? Hmm lets see...she was sexually assualted not to long ago for starters! Hows about we go get this overwith before she gets herself so worked up she backs out again." I don't wait for a reply cause I don't wanna hear anything else from her unless its about Rachels condition. I walk back into the room and over to Rachel who's back up on the exam table in those paper gowns with the one little string tie at the neck covering nothing else. I stand next to her once again as one hand moves to cover hers on her upper thigh and the other starts tracing circles and patterns on the exposed strip of her back. I smile upon feeling skin under my fingers on her back. She shivers at the sensation but doesn't ask me to stop which is great cause I'm enjoying myself. The docs explaining how this is gonna work just a quick check and swab or something like that and I'm thrilled to hear her tell her she can ask to stop at anytime, looking directly at me as she says that.

I feel her start to lean back and I'm forced to remove my hand so she can lay back fully on the table.

The minute her head hits the table I'm assuming this puts her in a fucking vunerable powerless position cause her eyes dart to mine wide and terrified. I move down a little closer to where her heads resting now never having let go of her hand. I smile down at her, "you're doing awesome baby girl. It'll be over before you know it okay? Talk to me, tell me about Barbara or something."

Her eyes widen, "you want me to talk about Barbara?"

"Sure, whatever gets your mind off..."I nodd my head toward the other direction of the table.

"I...I don't think I can" she says quietly. Oh boy. I hold 1 finger up to the doctor knowing she's close to loosing her patience, this is taking twice the time we've scheduled and she's prob got a ton of people waiting on us. "Sweetie what is it? Why can't you do it?" I whisper tucking her hair behind her ears. "Its ..it feels wrong like I want her to do it or something I dont know how to explain it but I don't feel in control cause if i was in control I would be doing this at all!"

"What can I do?" I ask, possitively at a loss for what to say.

She sighs. "Nothing, you're perfect. I'm...I'm never going to be ready to do this so just ..don't let go of my hand and lets get it over with."

I smile grabbing her hand in mine,"kay were ready, for reals now."

"Okay, great."

She's shaking, or maybe convusing is a better word. I'm pretty sure a few bones in my hand she's been crushing in hers are broken or fractured. I'll know better when I get the nerve to uncurl my hand but the impending pain gives me pause in that. She did good, I guess. No screaming or crying or panic attacks she was numb. So, maybe that's not so good. It's like all the emotion just left her body once the doc started the checkup. Okay well put that way definately not good. I went to leave her to get dressed but she asked me to stay. I'm pretending to be intersted in the brochures when I hear a lot of rustling and cursing going on behind me. Before I can ask what's going on I hear her voice, slight embarresment in it "Um I seem to be missing my...uhm.." I smile and reach into my pocket. Resisting the urge to turn around and catch her half undressed I simply fling them over my shoulder to her. She yelps and I can't help that my body naturally turned to see what had happened...there she stood unamused expression on her face, arms crossed and her black lace panties hanging off of her head. I crack up laughing immediately, "Unbelievable!" she hisses at me, and although she tries to hide it I see the corners of her mouth twitch in a smile. I spin back around still laughing and follow her out the door when she's done.

She's eerily quiet as we wait for the elevator and I don't know what to say so I just let her to her thoughts. We climb on the elevator and hit G for the parking garage. 10 floors up and I'd have taken the stairs up and down had she not been all broken cause seriously these things scare the shit out of me. Big metal boxes dangling on a string? No thanks. Suddenly the elevator jerks and bangs then stops completely. This can not be happening. My mind is racing and are the walls closing in? why didn't I notice how fucking small this elevator was before I got on? I'm jerked back into reality when Rachels suddenly stading right in front of my hands rubbing up and down my arms. "Santana did you hear me?" I shake my head no un able to form words. "Breathe, honey." I take a breath that turns into a gasp. I hadn't realized I wasn't breathing! "oh god all the oxygen!" I whimper about how much I just sucked in to catch my breath. She smiles softly. "Were okay honey, didn't you hear me on the phone with maintence?"

"Huh? No? What happened?"

"Shh. It's okay deep breaths...there is plent of oxygen honey breathe please."

"Why did it stop!" I cry.

"Are you caustrophobic?" she asks gently as she moves to my side to rub circles on my back.

"No and I'm not scared." I bite back.

She laughs outright. "It's okay if you're scared Santana, for God sakes I was just completely terrified in that office."

"When are they gonna let us out?" I ask ignoring her comment.

"An hour."

I can't breathe and I sware to god the elevator just tilted on its axis. Strong arms encircle my wasit and I find myself wrapped up in her arms. She sways us gently whispering in my ear. "I can't make it an hour!" I gasp feeling the panic build up inside me. She hold me at arms length and her lips are moving but I can't hear anything except a buzzing noise...she's getting blurry too. Why is she blurry? Oh God I did use up the oxygen! I knew it I...my paniced thoughts stop when I feel something press against my lips. Out of sheer habit mine seem to spring to life against the other pair that have latched onto mine. My head focuses suddenly and I realize Rachel and I are kissing...why are we kissing! Sweet Jesus her lips are so soft and full and ...yummy. Mmm. I respond deepening the kiss slightly as I run my tounge against her bottom lip then nibble on it getnly. She moans in response and parts her lips sending shockwaves straight to my core. I pull her closer to me as her talented tounge dances with mine as we explore eachothers mouths. Holy shit she's good at this. Aparently singing isn't the only thing this mouth of hers has mastered. Suddenly the elevator jerks again and I gasp and retract my lips as we're once again on the move down. She licks her swollen and cherry red lips looking up at me with hooded eyes. "So much better than Finn" she mummbles causing me to break out in a fit of laugher. "Duh, little D I can do everything better than Finn! And that was just a kiss" I say with a wink. She smiles back rolling her eyes and we get off the elevator as her arm links with mine we head back to my car surprisingly normal and not awkward.

"So...we like kissed." I say awkwardly, halfway back to my house now. "My rambling was not helping to calm you down, and you looked pale and as though you were moments from fainting so I did what I thought would grab your attention." She looks over smiling at me "and it worked!"

"You've definately been hanging out with me too much." I laugh.

"Was...was it bad?" She asks suddenly self concious.

"Lemmie let you in on some secrets little D, if the person you're kissing is moaning and pulling you in closer and deeping the kiss...it's definately NOT bad."

She lets out a shakey breath. "Okay, well you're pretty well known for your kissing abilities and you're the hottest girl in school so forgive me if I need some reassurances that you were put off by kissing a hobbit."

"Stop. Don't put yourself down baby girl, that mouth of yours is talented in more ways than just singing. You've met me, correct? When have I ever lied? We've been over this..."

"I know I know I'm sorry I don't know what came over me back there but it was defniately...enjoyable. And San...the rumors don't do your lips any justice." Emotional rollercoaster ride is up and running today thats for sure. Christ, I hope to God I never have to handle hers and Q's at the same time.

"Were you okay? I mean are you okay? Cause the whole..well you know ..did I scare you?" That sounded a fuck lot better in my head.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I didn't panic at all you kinda like knocked all the thoughts out of my head. It was nice, nice to shut the voices up."

"Voices? You're gonna have to fill me in here munchkin."

"Yeah voices. They're loud and constant."

"About what? Are you like schitzophernic? Have they always been there?"

She laughs a little self conciously "you look creeped out."

"Don't worry about me I'm all good, you just told me you're hearing voices I'm ... I don't know how to take that is all."

"They were kinda there before sometimes you know normal thougths like I'm ugly I'll never be good enough that sorta stuff but now there..like after that thing happened to me..its just like racing thougths about the million possibilities for what happened during the moments I'd blacked out and will i ever get over this, will i ever be able to be in a normal relationship or not be terrified of someoen touching me, just non stop stuff like that I'm not hearing voices telling me to blow up buildings or anything like that"

"What about to hurt yourself, do any tell you that?"

"Hurt, as in to kill myself?"

"Uh, yeah that too or like cut yourself or I don't know you tell me"

"Not a lot but sometimes. Remember when I told you I sometimes just think I should just let the darkness consume me or go to that dark place so I won't feel this anymore? I've thought that if I wasn't around or alive the non stop thoughts would finally shut up and I'd have peace." She says in an alarmingly calm voice as she stares blankly out of the window.

I quickly pull the car over and turn fully to look at her. "Rachel, this is serious baby girl, how serious was that thought? Did you think of how you could do that? Or were you tempted to try something to stop your thoughts as you put it?"

"No need to over react, Santana."

"I'm definately not over reacting. Answer the question and don't even think about lying."

She looks deep in thought for a few seconds that feel more like hours to me. My hearts pounding and my palms are starting to sweat. Maybe I am in way over my freaking head. I don't know how to handle someone suicidal. Finally her eyes meet mine. "No, thats all the really were. Like when I'd think I can't take it anymore the pain, embarrasement and shame and not knowing my mind would race and one of the things I thought of were well one way to make it stop is to not be here anymore I'd debate on running away but then it follows you still or seeing a shrink and getting drugged up but drugs are addicting and can take more away than just the pain then I thought if I was dead ..well you know. It was like twice or so and I didn't dwell on it cause I don't want to die, San."

"Okay, can you just like talk to me next time that shit runs through your head? I don't know what I'll say but I can definately do something to distract you from those thoughts or something, okay? Don't let him win, Rach. He can't take anything more from you than what he has without you giving it to him."

She nodds and I reach out to grab her hand. "You are going to give me grey hair, little D I swear to God."

She giggles "well you're the one that derailed our lovely conversation about our kiss to this!"

"Mmm, I did didn't I? Well care to remind me of our kiss? It's been a while I'm starting to forget..." I chance grinning at her.

Her eyes go wide. "A-are you serious or you messing with me?"

I shrug "I wants on those Berry lips and I wants on them now. Besides, I much prefer this method of stoping your raging thoughts than the one we were discussing." She looks over at me intently nibbling on her bottom lip, I've never been one for patience so I crook my finger at her signalling for her to at least meet me half way. She's gotta be in the lead of this I don't need her freaking out on me. I tug her hand gently and finally she springs to action leaning over and gently pressing her lips on mine. I'm totally prepared to hold back and try and let her lead but she seems a bit stuck so I encorage her by running my tounge over her lower lip. She takes the hint and deepens the kiss, hands threading through my hair pulling me impossibly closer. After a few moments of being completely lost and caught up in her talented mouth, I reluctantly pull away desperate for air. She's not even breathing that heavily. Those are some lungs she's got. "That jog you're memory? That certainly knocked any coherant thought right out of my head" she says licking her lips. I groan at the sight of her licking her lips.

"Yes, and anytime you need help with that you know where to find me." I wink turning the car back onto the road.


	13. Chapter 12

"Ugh fuck I'm so tired!" I whine flopping face first onto my bed. "Santana, we need to get to school!" Rachel lectures behind me. I lift my head enough to see my clock. "We have one hour before we need to leave to get there by lunch midget so either lay your ass down here with me or go find a quiet activity elsewhere!" "I'm not sure we should, uh, share a bed now." she says quietly I roll my eyes and lift my head to turn back and stare at her. "And why is that?" I ask raising a brow. She rolls her eyes, "because we've kissed!" she says as though it's obvious. "Yes, I'm aware of that so what? Now you think I'll be unable to keep my paws off you, Berry?" I laugh out loud. "Get over yourself and get your ass over here I need my teddy bear." "I am most certainly not your teddy bear!" she huffs but climbs in next to me non the less. "You know I'm quite surprised to find out what a snugly person you are. I half expected you to breathe fire should I even roll to your side of the bed." My eyes shoot open to glare at her. "Shoot fire? You are so dramatic, now seriously shut your trap or I'll rip off your head and pull your stuffing out." I close my eyes smiling a bit at the visual She doesn't respond verbally thank the good lord, she just huffs.

My eyes open slowly, blinking a few times before coming into focus. I hear the front door open and assume a slamming car door was what woke me. Oh holy shit, what time is it!? "Fuck fuck fuck! Berry wake up now!" I hiss pushing at her as gently as possible.

"Ow what the.." She looks bewildered until she hears noise coming from downstairs her eyes grow wide.

"Can you lie?"

"Huh?" she asks confused.

"Berry focus my moms home..which means we slept all day and missed school and everything, she can't find that out you need to lie."

"I can't!"

"Rachel! Just shut up and agree with whatever I say." She looks terrified, she should be if my Mom finds out! Just then my door swings open to reveal my Mother with an unreadable expression on her face.

"How was the Doctors visit Rachel?"

"It was ... I don't know, I'm just glad it's over with. Thank you so much for allowing Santana to come with me Ma'am ..I mean Maria, I would never have gotten through this today without her support." I shut my mouth quickly realizing it had fallen open from shock. I can not believe this little suck up routine was working my mother! She'd have shut me up immediately and began lecturing but here she is smiling and happily chatting with Rachel. I really wanted to chime in and ask 'what the fuck mama' but not only did I not want to get smacked or be forced to keep soap in my mouth but also I was definitely not missing the lecturing. Somewhere in the middle of their ridiculous conversation I remembered I'd threatened Karofsky's life if he didn't meet me after school. "Mother fuck!" I exclaimed hopping off the bed. "Ouch!" I shrieked feeling a strong smack to my ass. "What did I tell you about cursing!" my mom said sternly. I shot Rachel a death glare hearing her burst out in laughter at that statement about my cursing. She quickly tried to cover it up with a cough. "Where did you even come from! You were just standing in the door way!" I grumbled rubbing the sting. "I mean, I'm sorry Mama." I said quickly seeing the warning glare.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks crossing her arms. Uh oh she totally knows I skipped. How could she though?

"I have some business to attend to, Mama."

"Is that right, mija? And just what business would that be?"

"Cheerios" I say quickly, grabbing my outfit from my closet.

"That's interesting because your lovely coach called my office today and threatened to have me deported back to my 'mother country' should you not attend Cherrios practice again. It seems you forgot to go after school today." she says with an unreadable face. Fuck, I really want to know if she knows or not cause I'd much rather lie but definitely not if I'm gonna be caught in it. My strong reaction and feelings to telling the truth whether anyone wants to hear it or not and not being lied to is something I inherited from my mother. If you think I'm scary you should see her angry!

"Uh pardon me, I'm going to just jump in the shower if you don't mind. Thanks again for everything, Maria."

"Anytime, sweetie. I expect to see you for dinner. You will be staying with us until your Fathers return is that clear?"

"Yes, if you're sure I'm not imposing."

" Definitely not!" my mom says hugging Rachel before she walks out of my bedroom.

"So mija this will be your last chance, you want to tell me again how school was?" I turned around to look at my mother, well aware of the fact I must look guilty as sin. I'm bad ass and all but definitely not towards my mother.

"I'm sorry" is all that seems to come out. "I…we didn't plan for this to happen, we had an hour before we had to get back but then the next thing I knew I heard a car door slam."

"And the reason you didn't tell me this from the beginning?"

"I didn't think you'd believe me, honestly! You made me promise not to skip if you wrote the pass and I didn't intend to."

"So instead you force that poor girl to lie for you!"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes "I did not force her to do anything"

"Santana" my mother warned

"Mama" I said mimicking her tone "Sorry" I mumbled upon seeing her face. "I know you're not happy with me but I like seriously need to bounce."

"I don't even understand what you just said; you must have English classes. Who is teaching you to speak this way?"

"I need to get going, Mama, just for an hour or less most likely. Please I'll come right home but I'm going to be late meeting someone and you've always taught me it's not polite to stand people up."

"Very cute, using my own words against me now. Do not lie to me again Santana, you are always so convinced as to what my reaction will be but that is unfair of you to assume without giving me a chance. I'll let it go this one time but believe me when I tell you you'll be very sorry if I catch you in a lie again. You know my feelings toward lying as you share them yourself."

"Thanks Mama!" I said placing a kiss on her cheek on my way past.

"I'm serious about the lying m'ija" she said sending me on my way with a sharp smack to my backside. He'd better be there waiting.

I saw him as soon as I pulled into McKinley parking lot. I let out a bark of laughter the closer I got upon seeing him in a wheel chair looking like a truck hit him. He had the most ridiculous pout on his ugly mug which was doing wonders for my mood.

"My my I must say I do like this look on you." I said smiling wickedly as I climbed out of my car. He glared at me which just made him more hilarious looking to me. There was a sheet of paper on his lap that his eyes moved to. "Oh you think I'll make this easy on you and grab that so you don't have to try to move? HA fat chance, go on hand it to me." He glared again but began what looked like an agonizing attempt to move his arm to pick it up. I took two steps back and held out my arm with a big shit eating grin. He very slowly began to stretch his arm out trying to reach my hand. Just as he almost reached it I took another step back with a smirk. He grunted, I'm beginning to think it may hurt too much for him to speak. This thought only caused me to grin bigger. I finally let it fall into my hand and read quickly that he was all clean for most and there were a few pending. My eyes shot up to lock with his. "They'll…be back in a week" He groaned.

"That's interesting because I believe I asked you to have all the results TODAY, not a week from now." I hissed.

"What do you want? Me to speed up tests that take a week Santana!" he growled at me.

"Um, yep that sounds about right" I yell slamming my hand with the paper against his chest hard. He made this awful noise like all the air left his lungs and began to wheeze. We did some damage that's for damn sure. Good. "I expect to know the minute you find out and if I were you I'd find a way to hurry up those results!" I yelled.

"Everything alright over there?" I heard Coaches voice float across the parking lot.

"No, perverts trying to look up my skirt from his new vantage point" I called back.

"Alright well I'm just going to turn around and look at these fascinating rocks on the ground behind me for a few seconds, so don't do anything crazy like slap him or anything, sandbags." I smiled and looked down to see his face had gone white as a sheet.

"Gotta follow coaches orders" I smirked before pulling my hand back and crashing it as hard as I could against his swollen and bruised face. I didn't stick around to hear his whining, or till coach turned back around. I knew she'd be eager to rip into me about missing practice again. I heard my phone vibrating in the cup holder and saw "Britt Britt" flashing on the screen. "Fuck fuck fucking fuck" I whined but answered non the less. I pulled my car over "Hey" I said softly into the receiver. "I'm sorry" we both said in unison. "It's just hard for me to share you, I've never had to. I'm sorry I put you in a bad spot and made you sad." I said.

"It's okay San I don't know how I'd feel if this were all reversed." My heart clenched at the memory of Rachel and I kissing earlier. I felt guilty as fuck. How can I feel guilty!? She's got a fucking boyfriend. This shit's getting more wacky than a soap opera. "San?" Oops I'd completely stopped talking!

"Yea, I'm here Britt. This sucks, I'm afraid I'm going to lose you." I said completely stunned that not only honestly but my feelings came tumbling out.

"You can't ever lose me honey; it's always going to be you and me. I might have a boyfriend right now but I've had you forever, you're my Santana nobody can be you. I need you, San. I couldn't get my food to microwave for 2 minutes today and I stood there crying and pressing every button."

My heart ached at the visual "Why didn't you call me honey?"

"I didn't know if I could, I don't ever want to feel like that again. I need you always San."

"Baby you can always call me, okay? Even if I took my bitch pills and I'm mad or whatever is happening Britt I'm always here okay?"

"Promise?" she said in a strangled whisper.

"Of course! Don't leave me either, Britt" She let out a laugh,

"I would never leave you Santana, I love macaroni & cheese cups too much."

"Huh?"

"I can't microwave them without you." I rolled my eyes. That's as close as I'll get to a response from her. Besides that's pretty damn reassuring.

"Okay so were all good then, I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Can't you come over? I want to get my cuddle on now that I know were okay."

"I wish Britt but I lied to my mom about school today so I'm grounded for the night" the half lie came out of my mouth without a thought. Why the fuck didn't I just tell her Rachel was there? I shrugged it off. I could hear her deflate over the phone.

"Okay, I'll see you at school. Oh and watch out crossing the street, San, Karofsky got ran over by a truck you should see him." I bit my tongue really fucking hard said goodbye fast and hung up before I either laughed hysterically or cried because for once Brit Brit didn't know everything that was going on with me. I wish I could hit that son of a bitch with a truck. I hadn't forgotten about Kurt though. He's next on the list, but a lot fucking harder to take care of without getting into a shit storm of trouble.

*******************************************************************************  
The sound of the bell causes me to jolt awake knocking my books to the floor. "Shit. Fuck." I mutter picking them up.

"Miss Lopez I'd like a word please."

"Not a good time." I say back without looking at Mrs. Corcran.

"I wasn't asking." she fires back causing me to roll my eyes dramatically. "You can watch that eye roll or you'll be spending the afternoon with me as well." I laughed out loud at that. "Oh please, lady I'm head Cheerio, the ONLY Place i'll ever be after school is at practice." I scoff turning to face her now. Her arms are crossed, eyebrow raised, challenge accepted. She thinks she's a HIBIC? Please I deal with Fabray everyday, no one can out bitch Fabray. Out of nowhere her posture slackens and her face softens. "Are you okay?"

"Uh what now? I must have nodded off again cause you were just threatening me, were you not? Now you're concerned about me? I'm fine. I"m always fine, except actually right now because I'm supposed to have met someone a few minutes ago and they're going to be upset I'm not there.

"Brittany is meeting Rachel" she says moving some folders around on her desk. I move to stand in front of her on the other side of her desk

"Excuse me?" I hiss.

"You heard me, and I won't tell you again to calm the attitude. I'm not blind Santana I see you picking her up after her period with me so I was nice enough to ask Brittany to walk Rachel to her next class and tell her you had a meeting with me."

"Oh you were kind enough to rearrange my schedule without my knowledge so I'm supposed to thank you? Is that it?"

"You can keep your walls up and keep fighting me if you really want to but I can see how exhausted you are, you don't have to keep up the act in front of me. All I'm saying is I'm here okay? If you want someone else to carry the load ..whatever it might be...for a little while so you can be a teenager again or I don't know take a breath that's what I'm hear for. I"d never break your trust or tell a soul I literally have nothing to gain from this just a giant migraine from your screaming." Well shit, I don't know what to say to that. "Wow, I rendered you speechless!" she mocks with a small giggle.

"Tell anyone and you're toast" I say unable to hide my smile. "I'd love to fight you on this, I don't need help and I'm fine and everything but I'm too tired to waste what energy I have left on you."  
"Gee I'm flattered."

"If I intended to flatter you believe me your ass would be flat-ered but I did not."

"So, what can I do for you? What do you need?"

"Uh God" I whine "This sounds so after school special. There's no switch you know?"

"Switch?"

"Yeah like I cant flip a switch and just let my guard down or act all vulnerable and shit."

"I didn't ask you to. You're just wound up so tight from an unusual amount of stress and I'm worried. It's what teachers and coaches do, we worry."

"I can't tell you."

"You don't have to."

"Can you write me a pass to skip the last two periods?"

She laughs until she sees my serious face. "You better have a good reason."

"I just...I'm tired...my red bulls running out and I feel like I'm seconds from just dropping to the floor. If I could just ..."

"Nap? You want me to excuse you from two periods for a nap?"

"Don't say nap! I"m not a child!"

"Sorry, sure I'll write your pass. Don't get used to this I'm not offering to get you out of your classes but I can see you look like the living dead."

I frowned. "Gee thanks"

* * *

**Sorry so long between updates...life happens. I'm 3/4 through the next chapter so with any luck it will be up soon.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Short filler...I swear Santana will get Kurt real soon :)**

It's been two weeks since the kissing and I can't believe I'm even thinking this or fantasizing about this but Berrys lips, but God I needs a taste. She's been acting all happy and trouble free. It's starting to scare me actually no more dark moments, panicking she's faking and soon that wall she's reconstructed going to come crashing down or if she manages to hold it all in she'll implode from the inside. I keep making a mental note to talk to her about it but I keep getting distracted by those fucking lips. She plays dirty, appears student has become the master. Anytime I try to talk about anything serious or about her she'll casually run her thumb over my bottom lip and suddenly I don't know what I was going to say. Thirty minutes later bruised lips and panting she'll either claim pure exhaustion or some excuse about getting home. Her dads came back last week but they're leaving again tomorrow so she's coming to stay tonight.

There's a party at Puckermans she's been begging me to get her invited to there's only one week left until graduation and its' supposed to be his last school blow out. I mean she begged and begged and wouldn't shut the hell up. I'm no shrink but this all seems a bit to backwards to me. I kept saying no cause it was all a bit odd but then she had a thousand follow up questions like my saying no wasn't enough without an explanation. Since when? When Santana says no thats it. This little diva is giving me a run for my money. But why Santana I want five reasons in bullet points please we don't have all night. The nerve! I can't think with her babbling and hysteria I mean damn. So, because I was seconds away from slapping a bitch I ducked into my bathroom and stuffed in my earplugs I'd bought a few days ago after one of her ridiculously long rants about Streisand. I know it was helping her and bringing back the old Berry I thought I missed so, ear plugs help me to nod along and not lose my shit. I stuffed them in and I'd forgotten to take them out..suddenly I'm shoved a good 2 feet.

"What the actual fuck?" i hiss turning around to seriously hurt whoever just did that.

"Are you deaf or something?" Quinn's face looks like she's screaming at me but she sounds much softer. _Oh the ear plugs!_ I quickly remove them and stuff them into my clutch. Quinns laughter is coming in loud and clear now. She's laughing hysterically actually. I can't help but chuckle she looks certifiable.

"Get a grip Fabray." I put my hand on her arm steadying her.

"Did you get those cause of Berry?" she's still laughing.

"Look, you don't know what it's like to have to listen to her twenty four seven!" She's still laughing.

"Oh my God seriously this is all too much!"

"You've lost it Q how much have you had to drink?"

"Oh shut up this is precious I mean Satan buying earplugs to keep from killing Berry? Since when do you have her best interest at heart? I thought you'd throw her ass out weeks ago!"

"Shut up!" I hiss hitting her on the arm. It's no use she's completely lost her mind and is still laughing. I walk away before I'm tempted to slap that smirk off her face. Speaking of Berry I haven't' seen her in a while. I don't know why my head turned the direction of the docks at that moment but thank God it did as my eye caught a small figure at the end of the dock slip into the black water and disappear my heart was in my throat as I shoved the people off a blanket and took off running for the docks.

* * *

_**Rachels POV**_

The moon glistening off the water caught my eye and before I knew what I was doing I was walking down the dock to the end staring at the black water that now surrounded me. It was so peaceful and inviting. It's like it was calling to me. A strong gust of wind came out of nowhere and almost knocked me right in. I steadied myself staring into the dark inviting water. Why not? No one is around I'm just gonna slip in real quick. It's chilly but not hypothermia weather. Take a risk for once Rachel. It was like I stepped out of my body as I slowly knelt down and slipped into the dark water. It was freezing but I wasn't cold, I haven't been able to feel anything after I cried it all out to Santana that night. Sure I've cried some more but I can't feel anything. I can't feel the pain, or the frigged water I'm slipping under right now. At first I'm floating but you know how you start thinking too much and focusing on staying a float that you start to sink? I'm sinking now, my head submerged i just let go and let the water take me away to somewhere else. Somewhere better.

I feel something wrap around my waist and immediately have flashbacks of the movie Jaws but I'm brought to the surface gasping for the air I didn't realize I had needed so badly before I could completely freak out. I'm being dragged up the beach onto the sand and out of the water. "Seriously what the fuck Berry!" Santana hisses.

"Jesus! Where did you come from? I thought you were Jaws!" I yell.

She's shaking her head ignoring my question. "My God you're so cold, come here," her voice is much softer. I look down to see my body shaking violently my skin looks almost blue but that could be because of the moonlight. She wraps the blanket around me hugging me tight. Her hands are rubbing furiously trying to warm me up.

"What were you thinking baby?" she whispers placing a kiss to the top of my head.

"I-I don't know. I wasn't trying to-to" Suddenly i can feel everything. I'm freezing cold and a heavy weight of sadness is crushing my chest as I start crying.**_ I am so sick of crying._**

"Rachel honey you were under water are you sure you weren't trying to, well you know. You scared me to death. Yeah okay we'll talk later, I got you baby girl" her arms tighten around me.

"Hey what happened? You guys okay?" I hear Pucks voice yelling coming towards us. She turns slightly taking me with her.

"Please i dont ..." teeth chattering I tucking my head under her chin.

"Okay okay, please calm down. Were okay Puck please just go up to the house" He stops probably recognizing the tone in her voice. Those two have a weird unspoken language.

"You sure?"

"Yeah were good here Puck" He holds his hands up in-surrender and starts back up to his place.

"Come on honey lets sit down." I nod into her chest. She lets go and I miss her warmth immediately. I don't even realize I'm pouting. "Oh God don't pout at me like that just give me one sec." She sits down in the sand with her knees bent and holds her hand out to me, "Come here" she says pulling me down to sit between her legs. I lean back into her chest as she wraps her arms around me. I sigh in contentment and she laughs a little. "You wanna tell me what you were doing in the water, baby girl"

"No," I say content to just sit all wrapped up in her arms and stare out at the water. "Rachel, you seriously scared ten years off of my life, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna wake up with a few wrinkles I can name after you, I need you to tell me what happened out there." I shrug. "I don't really know San. It just looked so peaceful and inviting. It was like it wasn't me who slipped into the water. I just wanted some peace and quiet." She takes a deep breath and i can feel the tears hit my bare sholders. "Rachel peace and quiet under water means you're dead, you can put whatever nice spin on that you want but that's what you're saying. You wanted to die, do you realize that?"

I didn't want to talk I wanted quiet and to just watch the peaceful water, she must have gotten the hint because she stopped talking after I didn't answer her for a second time and just held me for a bit. She didn't let us sit for too long as I was freezing and the wind was picking up off the water so she gathered us up and snuck us out of the party and back to her house.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

I return to my room after throwing our wet clothes into the washer before my mother finds them. I don't really feel like explaining that one. Rachel's sitting on the bed with a blank stare. This is getting fucking ridiculous, I've tried this the nice way we've cried, talked blah blah. I drop down next to her.

"What's going on in that head of yours"

"Nothing." she says with a short annoyed tone.

"Are you mad?" I ask her.

"Nope" she responds still staring at the same spot on the floor.

"Sad?" I nudge her with my shoulder.

"Nope"

"Happy?" _Silence _"Are you retarded?" Not even an eyeroll on that one. "Wow, okay I'm trying to like help here or whatever." I wait a few beats surprised she hasn't responded in usual Berry fashion, run on sentences and all. "Berry, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but seriously speak."

"I am not a dog, Santana."

"I didn't say..." Deeeeep breath. "It's just your never quiet, two hours ago I pulled you from the bottom of the lake, you're kinda freaking me out here"

"Fine, Nothing."

"What?"

"I'm answering your question. Nothing. I feel nothing, Santana. Not a fucking thing." My jaw drops at how casually fuck leaves her mouth. She really has been spending too much time with me. "Nothing at all. My life is over, my Broadway career? Over before it even began. I mean, you can't have an actress who has no emotions can you? That's like a bird without any wings, or you without any insults. And here's the biggest question if I ever date anyone ever again what am I supposed to say? Oh yes dear I'm a virgin, or wait, no perhaps I am not, I'm not sure exactly.." She's rambling now in a strange monotone voice that's actually more annoying than her normal one, and seriously? I'm like so sorry I asked her to speak.

I hold my hand up. "Alright shut up ...shut up!" I slip off the bed and kneel in front of her trying to make eye contact. "Your life is not over, and neither is your career that hasn't started cause like that's not even possible. You've been through a lot, your numb. You got too much shit in there" I say poking her in the boob...relax her hearts under that thing. "Too much shit to process"

"Ouch! Don't poke me."

"Why does it make you mad?" I smirk.

"No" she sighs loudly in frustration.

I can't help the laugh that escapes. Something shifts in her eyes as she grabs the front of my shirt in her fist and roughly pulls me up so I'm kneeling pulling me into a bruising kiss. Sweet Jesus. She's strong for such a tiny person I realize as she uses her leverage of sitting on the edge of my bed to push us over. My back lands on the floor and shes on top of me. Her tongue is exploring my mouth aggressively and if I can't get my head to come down from the clouds soon I'm not going to be able to stop this. My hands automatically go to move to cover her breast but I stop and rest them on her arms...she thinks she's ready for this but there is no way, not after what she's been through. I push her chest trying to dislodge her lips from mine. She whines. "I need you" she husks with swollen lips and I swear I just got wet from that statement alone. "Let me up" I say. "Why" she pouts, it seemed like you were enjoying it. "Oh I was honey that's the issue." She instead pins my wrists to the floor. "Then no" she says.

_Fuck,_ I think knowing I'm gonna have to go scare her to get her to realize she's not even close to ready for this. Heart hammering in my chest I use my cheer leading muscles and quickly flip us over pinning her to the floor. I can see the fear shift into her eyes and her trying desperately to fight it. God damn her stubbornness I was hoping that would be enough. I rip open her shirt and my palms cover her breasts. That does it. Her eyes widen and she sucks in a panicked breath. She's disassociated she's no longer with me here in my room she's flashing back. I yank my hands back and go to close up her shirt. "No" she screams slapping at my hands. I'd like to pin her hands to stop their assault but that's not going to calm her down in the least so I cup her cheeks.

"Open your eyes little D, It's me. You're with Santana not with him, I wasn't there that night so you can't be back there with him. You're in my room. Come on look Rach open your eyes." Her eyes open and immediately fill up with tears. I sigh in relief, quickly climb off her and pull her up to her feet. Her arms immediately go around my waist but I pull back a little before she goes to bury her head in my neck. "I'd never ever hurt or take advantage of you Rachel you know that, right?" She nods "Why did I freak out I'm so mad at myself, San..I ...I really wanted to ...you know...with you...I just want to feel something I felt so alive just then before..."

I can help the chuckle but clear my throat as her eyes narrow. "Shh I know, don't be upset you've been through a trauma as much as your stubborn head refuses to want to admit that. And believe me I wanted that to honey but I respect you too much. We're going to have to go really slow, slower than you'd like to go clearly."

"Yeah but would you...with me its just I'm really attracted to you and I'm a teenager this should be normal and for some reason you aren't horrified by the idea of being with me and.." I smiled at her innocence.

"Shh...Believe it or not I do care about you Rachel, I admit it scares the hell out of me I don't want to do anything to scare you but I do, I want to do it right, show you how it's supposed to feel, safe, trusting, loving. It's going to take a lot of time. You need to go see a therapist too though." Her eyes narrowed immediately. I quickly kissed her lips hoping to soften her back up to this idea. "Rachel even though this is something you want I can't fix you, this won't fix the damage, it can help you heal and replace the horrible memories and shit but you need a professional to help you with the flashback shit and how to process this all, okay? Or else no deal."I saw the wheels start spinning in her head and I could not afford to have that talk tonight. "Lets not label this okay? It's you and me."

"Okay" she smiles.

"Okay what?"

"Okay I'll see your stupid therapist and okay to it being just you and me now can you shut up and hold me please?" I smile.

"Yeah, come on midget lets get into bed."


End file.
